Across the Ocean Blue
by Wooleywews
Summary: Bella has isolated herself after several disastrous experiences. Edward has retreated from life because of personal tragedy. Can one perceptive canine, concerned family and friends, and fate bring them together?
1. From Hurting to New Beginnings

_**A/N = So, this is my very first "published" (FanFic) story. Oh my goodness, I'm so nervous! LOL If you'd like to know more about my writing style and me as a writer in general, please see my FanFic Profile. Thank you soooooo much for reading!**_

_**Hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings about the lives and loves of the Twilight characters. PLZ NOTE that they of course belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit... However, the plot for "Across the Ocean Blue" is mine. **_

_**B**__**asically, BxE are the main focus of this story overall. All of SM's characters are present but just not as prominent as BxE are.**_

_**That's just the way I roll, baby!**_

* * *

><p><em>Finally<em>. I sighed and got comfortable in my seat.

It had only taken two earth shattering personal experiences, one best selling book, and finally overcoming my own stupid sense of trepidation to lead me to this particular point in my life.

As I sat in my first class seat flying from Chicago to London, I thought over all that had brought me to this moment.

I had survived a terrifying threat to my well-being.

I had persevered through an excruciatingly painful divorce.

I had the first bestseller of my career.

And now I was going to move forward with my lifetime dream of living in the English countryside. Much to Charlie's (my father's) chagrin.

There were times over the past few years that I hadn't thought I could possibly survive through the current dilemma I was attempting to live through.

But of course, I did.

They say everything happens for a reason. I wasn't sure about that yet but I was relatively happy with where my life was currently.

I had discovered through my experiences that I have a pretty substantial streak of stubbornness. Which could be a blessing or a curse, depending on the situation. It had cost me a lot with regards to my health.

But it had been a Godsend when dealing with my divorce. It had also been instrumental in cementing my decision to move to England, even though my best friend Angela and my dad were taken aback by it.

I sighed. The lady sitting next to me on the flight glanced over at me questioningly. She stared at me for a little longer than appropriate and then shook her head as she began rereading the page she was on.

I got that a lot since my book had appeared and then stayed on the New York Times bestseller's list for almost eleven months. People were sure they recognized me but weren't able to place where from. Unlike movie stars, authors seem to have some semblance of anonymity. But I was rather young to have a bestseller, let alone so many other books that were popular.

After my most recent novel became a bestseller, all my previous hardback releases were re-released as paperbacks. To massive sales success.

My literary agent was good, I had to give her that. I smiled at my assessment. Angela and I had grown up together in the small northwestern town of Forks, Washington.

I was, and, as she so lovingly would tell you even today, I am a bookworm.

When we'd been in high school she'd wanted to be a teacher. But after spending so much time with me and ending up at the same university in Chicago, we both went after degrees in English Literature.

We'd both wanted to start working for the same publisher but she ended up becoming a very successful and sought after agent while I… Well, I ended up going back to Forks and marrying my high school sweetheart, Jacob Black.

We'd known each other while growing up in Forks since Charlie, my dad, and Jake's dad spent almost every weekend fishing together. Which of course brought us together almost every weekend too.

However, when I left for college, we mutually decided to break things off romantically and stay in touch through e-mails and phone calls. We did o.k. with that arrangement for the first two years of my college career. Then we drifted apart and I dug into my passion for writing.

When I graduated, I decided it would be best to head home 'for a little while.' Angela was disappointed of course. I argued that it would give me the opportunity to start writing in earnest.

At least, that's what I told myself at the time. I know better now. I'd basically been scared of being almost completely on my own for the first time in my life. So, I did what you're never, ever supposed to do.

I made a major life-altering decision based on fear.

While I'd still been in college, I had started writing and getting some of my short stories published. When I moved back to my childhood home with my father after my graduation, I began my attempt at writing my first novel.

Charlie's the Chief of Police for the small town of Forks. It's small and very quiet. And a little bit removed from 'big city' problems for the most part. Needless to say, my dad didn't have a demanding job because of it. However, he and his solitary deputy were busy enough that they needed help at the station. So, I ended up working part time there to help him out and give myself a little bit of cash flow.

I wasn't really into the whole 'starving artist' thing.

I also reconnected with Jacob and thought I'd fallen in love all over again.

We got married within six months of my return to Forks.

For several years it was absolute bliss. Like being married to your best friend and confidante, who's a guy and not gay. It was great.

Until we wanted to start having children.

After almost a year, we flipped a coin to see who would go to the doctor first. We were young and it didn't seem like it should be that difficult to get pregnant.

Jake lost the coin toss.

However, it turned out he was fine. So, I went to see my doctor. Then a fertility specialist. Then several other doctors… No one seemed to be able to figure out what was wrong with me.

After three tries with several different fertility drugs and six miscarriages, I couldn't do it anymore.

We had begun to fight. A lot. I of course had stopped writing.

We talked about adopting. We went to marriage counseling. For some reason, that seemed to make things worse. Jacob refused to continue to go to the counseling sessions and refused to continue to discuss adoption.

He started making me feel like I was defective, to the point where I agreed to an experimental Canadian procedure for women who were able to get pregnant but unable to stay that way.

To say it was a disaster would be a grave understatement. I ended up in the hospital for over a month and still had not even gotten pregnant.

While I was recovering, I had a major setback that almost killed me. The doctors were forced to remove part my uterus—a 'subtotal hysterectomy.' I would now be unable to _ever_ get pregnant, to _ever_ have children… I was devastated.

As scary as that was, as terrified as I felt, nothing could have prepared me for what awaited me when I finally got home.

It seems that there had been a reason for Jacob's disinterest in counseling and adopting. He hadn't been able to deal with me having so much trouble and being unable to get pregnant. He tried to tell me later that he was devastated about the entire situation and that he felt responsible for my infertility, since he'd been the one to push for the surgery in the first place…

It was _how_ he dealt with his guilt and pain that was the end for us.

He had been seeing his old girlfriend and had gotten her pregnant. She was a member of the same Native American Indian Tribe that Jacob was. They weren't really in love but I couldn't continue to be married to someone who had cheated on me.

Even though he told me he was still in love with me.

_Especially_ since she had given him the one thing I couldn't.

And I was devastated for a second time.

His family basically disowned him for his treatment of me but I could have _almost_ forgive him. He'd wanted children so badly and I had simply been unable to give him that one thing.

But… It was too much. Even though I knew at some point in the future I'd be able to forgive him, I'd never be able to fully trust him again.

I moved back in with Charlie and finished my first novel. It was published several months later to lukewarm reviews. My agent? You guessed it—Angela Weber—now Angela Cheney.

Angela convinced me that it wasn't my best effort, that I could do so much better. Yes, she was my agent by this point but she was also my best friend. She of course knew all about the drama that became my life with Jacob. She also knew what I needed to do and was a good enough friend to tell me so.

I needed a major change of scenery.

I had to admit that I didn't think I could do my best writing in my childhood home anymore. Never mind the whole 'living in a small town with your ex' scene. Can you say awkward? Ugh.

She had of course gotten married by this point and had two children. Twins. She invited me to move back out to Chicago and live in her old downtown condominium now that she and her family had purchased a house in the suburbs.

Her husband Ben was a software engineer and with both their salaries, they were quite well off and were willing to have me pay only for utilities. It was a fantastic opportunity to attempt to become a full-time author without having to hold down a 'regular' job. And it had the added benefit of taking me far, far away from Washington state. Ben was enthusiastic about someone staying in their condo, since it had been unoccupied for quite a while and they didn't really want to sell it in the current real estate market.

My dad and I weren't super close but we _seemed_ to connect after my divorce from Jacob. After I'd moved, we spoke over the phone at least every other weekend.

I knew that Jake had been like a son to him. Up until his betrayal of me… I figured they wouldn't be taking any fishing trips together after the divorce, which I was grateful for. It had been hard on my dad and his friendship with Jake's dad, Billy, too. But it seemed to almost be a relief to everyone involved that I'd decided to move away.

With Angela's guidance, I ended up getting two more mediocre novels published before I hit the big time.

I ended up with my bestseller by writing about a fictional character, a woman scorned by her husband, her family, and even her own body. Women all over the U.S. and then Europe were enthralled with it.

It was, of course, a fictionalized account of my experiences with Jacob. Jake's family knew right away and they were not happy about it.

But since I'd placed the story in another time and obviously didn't use anyone's actual name, nor did I tell anyone that it was based on personal experiences, no one was the wiser.

It also helped that I was practically on the other side of the country from everyone that knew me personally—other than Angela of course.

However it didn't stop Jake's _new wife_ from attempting to go after me for some kind of 'intellectual property infringement.' Yeah. Good luck with that.

It was thrown out since I had written the story so many years after our divorce. Jake also wasn't entitled to any of the revenue generated from any of my other books since he had not contested the divorce. I have to say that I was not heartbroken to hear from Charlie that Jacob had real problems with Leah after she'd tried to go after me like that. Can you say, 'payback?'

Health severely jeopardized by age 24? Check.

Messy divorce by age 25? Check.

Successful author by age 29? Check.

Becoming the wealthiest ex-Forks' resident under 30 (much to the annoyance of my ex-husband's new wife)?

Freakin' priceless.

Now, here I was, heading to my very own English country cottage. The land of Austen and Bronte. Of Shakespeare and Dickens. I was extremely excited and nervous all at once.

I was without worry regarding a job (remember: super successful author), I didn't really have to concern myself with the passage of time (except to eventually start work on my next novel), or worry about dealing with an angry or confused ex-husband's wife or ex-family members since I'd be half a world away from them.

Priceless indeed.

I had been to England before since part of my last year of college was spent studying abroad, London in fact. Since my major was English Literature, it only made sense to spend that time in England. So, I did.

But this would be fulfilling a dream, living in the English countryside, experiencing it for myself and comparing those experiences with ones that my favorite authors had described so beautifully.

I could just live in peace and quiet for as long as I wanted to. I knew Angela expected me to start on my next novel after a discreet amount of time relaxing but I just wasn't in any hurry.

I wanted to do something that I had never done before, not even when I'd gone to college or when I'd moved into her condo.

I wanted to enjoy being _completely_ on my own and living in my own skin, without the approval or scrutiny of anyone else.

Quietly.

Peacefully.

_Alone_.

Just me and the English rain, hedgerows, village markets… Ahhh. I just couldn't wait. And in another six hours, I wouldn't have to wait any longer.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN = Wow. My first Chappie. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo excited! Next Chap will be up later today. Thx for reading and please let me know what you think about my writing via a Review. :)**_


	2. A New Home

Driving in England for an American is… Interesting. Yeah… That's a good word to describe it.

The steering wheel is on the right side of the car rather than the left. You drive on the left side of the road instead of the right. Basically, it's completely opposite than how we drive in the U.S. However, the English are way more polite than us. They drive fast… But very politely.

'They.' 'Us.' Hummm. I'd have to change that thinking now that I was living abroad.

The car that I'd picked up was purchased over the internet with Ben's help. It was a BMW 135i coupe, automatic (of course), in a color that would match a sandy beach. Angela was surprised I purchased the one with the bigger engine. Mainly because I'd been all about safety and no speeding when we'd been in high school and college together. Hello! Charlie was the Chief of Police for crying out loud.

However, marrying Jacob so suddenly and then having things go so drastically wrong had definitely blunted some of my more 'safe' edges.

I'd gone cliff diving for my 24th birthday for crying out loud! Celebrating my almost-first quarter of life in a reckless manner had sounded like an awesome idea at the time. I could be dangerous. Gritty. Even a rebel. Don't even get me started on not being able to decide between which Ben and Jerry's ice cream I'd wanted last week so I—gasp!—purchased both flavors.

Yeah. I know. A little pathetic but at least I'd learned to not over-think things so much. To try and well… _L__ive_ my life. Instead of just watching it pass me by.

Which is pretty ironic since now that's all I wanted to be doing. Sitting and watching life pass by. Hopefully really, really slowly and peacefully. And I must not forget about the quiet. Can you hear my happy sigh? Yeah, me too!

My flight landed at Gatwick Airport, which lies over an hour south of London proper, after a long and rather boring flight. The cottage is located in a small village an hour or so south of the airport. Landing at Gatwick put me in the country without having to spend over an hour just trying to navigate London. Basically, the whole 'driving on the wrong side of the road' thing is not something you want to be figuring out in one of the largest cities in Europe. I had driven a bit while here for college but I had always been with someone else. This was my first foray into the mysteries of driving through the English countryside by myself.

Picking up the car at the airport had been an excellent idea. Except for the whole 'jet lag' issue. They say that driving while being overly tired is worse than driving drunk. I'm not sure about that but it did make me relaxed enough to not freak out about my new driving situation.

If I could solve the Ben and Jerry's ice cream problem so successfully, I was sure I could do this. Especially in a brand new BMW. I had to smile as I wrapped my hands around the black leather steering wheel.

The salesman had been a bit skeptical but when I handed him all the proper paperwork and the final payment in cash, he shut up, left me alone with my spankin' new car and went to get himself a taxi home.

I was now ready to leave the airport parking garage and head out towards my first round-about. _You can do this, Swan. Go for it!_

After getting lost twice, driving around a round-about in a circle over and over again for ten or fifteen minutes (think National Lampoon's European Vacation), and finding out that my car was just a plain old blast to drive, I finally arrived at my destination.

The village of Wisborough Green, located in the county of West Sussex, is small. So small, in fact, that there is no gas station, no grocery store, and certainly no fast food restaurants. There are, however, three pubs (the Brits love their adult beverages, thank God), a public green (basically a largish and rectangular park in the middle of the village for playing cricket, which is not really very similar to baseball but a lot of American's think so), and a 12th Century parish church. Basically your typical English country village.

One of the reasons Wisborough was one of the more popular South Sussex villages (translation: expensive), was because a main train stop into London was only a ten or fifteen minute drive away in Billingshurst. So, you could live in the country but still work in the Big City. Since I wasn't planning on doing anything but site-seeing in London, I didn't really need a place that was close to the main roads. I could be a little 'off the beaten path.'

I had to sigh contentedly thinking of what brought me to this particular village in the first place. The reason why I'd picked Wisborough Green to begin with.

While at college in Chicago, one of my English Lit professor's was, well, English. We would end up talking endlessly about life in rural England and how much he didn't miss it. He enjoyed living in a big, bustling American city. I couldn't understand it. Village life sounded so… Comforting. Our conversations ended up spurring me on to dream about 'someday' living in the country.

During my last semester, he told me that he was planning on taking a sabbatical a few years down the road. In order to do so, he would be selling his cottage.

After my divorce and new found semi-wealth from the sales of my books, I contacted him to find out if he had ever sold it. He had not. You can guess where the cottage was located. Yep. Just outside of Wisborough Green village proper.

There are five roads that converge on or go through the village. The A272 is a two lane but very busy road. This is the road that takes you to all the larger villages, towns and local cities. The other four roads are smaller and a bit quieter. Off one of these other roads is where my quant cottage (it was originally built in the late 1700's) would be found.

If you've ever seen the movie 'The Holiday' with Kate Winslet, you've basically seen my cottage. Only I've got a really nice, powerful travertine tile shower instead of a steel tub. Oh, and all the appliances and the gas heater are modern and work well. _Thank goodness!_ Because, honestly, even after living in Chicago all those years it can get pretty dang cold here in the winter. It doesn't hurt that there's a fireplace in just about every room, either. Even the kitchen, which looks very cute with its three white shelves right above it. Happy sigh!

One of the reasons I was doing this whole 'move to the country' thing was to relax. And of course fully explore my book-worm title. You know, read whatever book your fingers touch from a rather eclectic collection, pulled from your very own library.

The cottage wasn't overly large but it did have its own small library. I'd had about twenty boxes of my own books sent over several weeks previous to my arrival, along with several dozen other boxes of personal items. I was really looking forward to working on setting up my own personal library collection.

There was a big white fluffy chair in the library as well as a very nice antique desk. After all, it would also be serving as my office.

There was a very comfortable couch and even more comfy chairs in the living room. The kitchen was across the entryway from the living room and was painted in a very pretty light blue, with a white table and chairs that would seat four.

The stairs were next to the library/office entrance, which was between the living room and the kitchen and was actually off the back of the house with a door leading outside to the garage and a small yard. The stairs headed up to two small bedrooms and a small bathroom on the left and the master bedroom with its own en-suite bathroom on the right.

All the furniture was very comfortable and 'Laura Ashley'-like. Maybe more like a cross between an open airy antique store and the Pottery Barn. You get the idea. The cottage's decor was probably a little bit more 'girly' than I'd normally prefer but if you're planning on channeling your inner English Lady, why not?

I did end up removing all the pink throw pillows, however. I wasn't going to completely go back on my own preferences, for goodness sake.

If you're wondering how and why an English university professor living in the U.S. would have a cottage that looked like this, it's simple. His sister decorated it. But she had moved to Scotland with her new husband several years previously and since he was never planning on moving back… I had the privilege of living there now. Oh, and the $1.1 million U.S. dollars I paid him for it wouldn't hurt either, which had him asking her to get the place really cleaned up well before I arrived. Which she had. Admirably.

Some things I'd insisted on having installed for myself was the Sky satellite service, two plasma TV's and a fancy stereo system. One TV was in the master bedroom with the second in the larger of the two guest rooms, and the stereo was installed in the living room with additional wireless speakers into the library/office and the master bedroom.

Why come all this way to be ensconced in the English countryside for the peace and quiet, only to have these suspiciously modern connections put in? There were some things about being an American I wasn't willing to give up.

For instance, even though I wasn't very athletic, I had always watched the major Seattle sports venues with my dad on the weekends we weren't out fishing. The Mariners, Seahawks and the Vancouver Canucks were simply a part of me by this point. I also wanted to start watching cricket and English football (known as soccer in the U.S.)

The stereo equipment was simply a necessity. I couldn't live _anywhere_ without a steady supply of music. I pretty much listened to everything. And I do mean _everything_. I could be found dusting, vacuuming and accomplishing other mundane cleanup duties around the cottage while listening to Bach one moment and then Coldplay the next, with a few Beastie Boys and Everlast songs thrown in for good measure.

My collection was that eclectic.

I had to bring several Apple iPods and my iPhone to get all my music over 'the Pond'. But I knew I'd need these devices anyway. The Nano for all my planned leisurely walks, the Classic hooked up to my new stereo, and the iPhone's pretty self-explanatory.

Since I'm a 'real' author now, I also brought my MacBook Air and two SuperDrives. Even though I was in the habit of emailing Angela regularly, I liked having extra protection by using an online backup program. Authors are neurotic and this author is no exception. The thought of losing several weeks worth of work because I was too 'busy' to back my Mac up? Even I'm not that crazy.

Now I was completely technologically 'set-up.'

Since I had arrived towards the end of summer, I'd missed the Petworth Music Festival—I was quite bummed-out about this—me and music are very good friends, remember? I did however have St. Edmunds Day to look forward to—in mid-November—a fair that's been held in Petworth for almost 900 years. Yes. That's right. An entire Millennium.

After getting settled in and putting my library and personal items in order, I spent many afternoons driving around the local countryside to find out where exactly the supermarket, my bank and the 'petrol' or gas station was (in Midhurst), and found some fantastic bookshops as well as a baker, butcher and 'chemist' (or pharmacy) in the Market Square of the partially walled town of Petworth, which is also the location of the stately and grand Petworth House.

I was really loving this place.

I knew I'd eventually have to take writing seriously again if I wanted to have enough money to stay long enough to see everything I wanted to. It was going to take twenty years at the rate I was going.

I had figured that living 'simply' would let me stay for at least five years. I of course had no intention of not working at all on my next novel for that long but at least I wouldn't be 'forced' to work on it.

Normally, as a 'foreigner,' when visiting England you can't stay longer than six months. However, Angela and my lawyer had worked out my visa arrangements for me. I wasn't sure about the details other than I could stay for as long as three years without leaving since I was financially self-sufficient. I seem to remember something about a 'Tier 1 Entrepreneur' visa… Whatever. The important thing was that I could stay for quite a good long while. Which was all that mattered to me.

Because I wasn't really an 'American tourist' nor was I trying to immigrate to the U.K. (United Kingdom) permanently, I had settled into a unique position within the village. People were friendly but not too prying.

Perfect.

Even though there wasn't a full grocery store in town, there was a small post office 'slash' store. They carried things like the newspaper, milk and eggs, as well as lots of different kinds of English chocolates. Too many to choose from… But I managed that task fairly well. Surprise-surprise.

Since I would take my morning walk to the store to pick up the paper most days, I became friendly with the proprietor. I also would run into some of the same folks along my way each morning. People jogging, walking their dogs, leaving for the train station to head off to work…

I went from an odd curiosity to someone that folks liked to talk to for a few minutes each day. I had even gotten to the point where I was starting to hear about some of the local gossip. Everyone was friendly and jovial most of the time. I was really starting to come out of my shell, a little bit at a time.

I'd even been invited to some of the Parish Council events. There was the monthly Village Market, their Horticultural Society events, even the Litter Picking sessions (keep your Village Green clean, people!)

I discovered rather rapidly that these people were nuts about plants. And drinking. And eating.

Flowers. Trees. Shrubs. Anything that grows. Green-thumb's galore.

Remember I said no grocery store but three pubs? Check. So many different ales, so little time to drink them all. I'm also pretty sure I mentioned no fast food places—Pub food anyone? Fantastic! I'd already spent several evenings at the Cricketers and the Three Crowns, and one visit to the Bat and Ball. So far my favorite dish was the Sticky Toffee Pudding at the Three Crowns. Yummy.

Basically, if you've ever read or watched Lord of the Rings, you'll know what I mean when I say that Hobbits are very British. Or the British are very Hobbitish… Whatever. You get the idea.

For a village of fewer than several hundred in-town with an overall population of around 1,400 people covering an area of almost seven square miles, with farms, estates and cozy homes, it was a pretty amazing place. I was really loving it here. I mean, really, really loving it.

One of the best things about country living in southwest England were the walking trails or 'footpaths.' I'd already become pretty familiar with the walks out and around Wisborough. There was one in particular that I had taken several dozen times already.

It was only about a mile long but it skirted by several of the properties around me, getting the closest to my nearest neighbor by running directly along their back fence.

Their backyard was beautifully done and nicely manicured. I never saw anyone in the backyard and I even wondered if anyone was even currently living in the house. I would often pause at their back gate and stare off into the distance, to see if I could figure out what the people that lived in the home might look at if anyone were there.

It was such a beautiful home and I found it hard to believe that someone would take the time and effort to maintain the yard if no one was ever there. Strangely, there were several times I had a feeling that someone was watching me while I walked their fence-line…

For some reason, I never asked anyone in the village about my possible neighbors. I think it was because I enjoyed making up my own stories about them too much.

_An elderly lady lived alone in the house but kept her grandchildren in the basement… The reason the yard was so neat all the time was because a ghost kept it up… I never saw them during the day because they were vampires…_

And so on. Sometimes being an author and therefore having an active imagination could be really entertaining. England was definitely a great place for coming up with new material to write about. Have I said how much I'm loving it here?

I had to admit that I had practically become a 'local' instead of a dreaded 'townie' in the few months I'd been here already.

I'd been invited to attend Sunday church services and to help out with the upcoming Harvest Supper. I declined on the church attendance but agreed to help out at the dinner.

I was becoming quite the villager. Go figure.

~~:::~~


	3. A New Friend

**_A/N = I have friends outside of the cyber-world that I use as my sounding boards, opinion-nators, and almost-editors. Basically this means that my Chaps are un-beta'd. You've been forewarned..._**

* * *

><p>As the end of summer was ushered in with the advent of fall and therefore lots of rain, I got my opportunity to read. A lot. I still managed my walks to the village shop, especially with my recent purchase of 'wellies' or rubber boots. I also had collected a half-dozen long-handled umbrellas by this point. I had them, along with several nice walking sticks, in an old metal milk can right next to the front door.<p>

Along with that wonderful addition, I'd managed to buy almost an entire antique store's worth of goodies over the past several months. The items that wouldn't fit into my 135i were delivered by large, burly men with a truck that to this day I've never figured out how they made it through the streets of Petworth with.

I also now had a new, fluffy set of mattresses on my white four-poster bed. Ahhh.

As things had gotten colder, I wanted some more 'ambiance' as I would read or even type on my laptop. I'd started fleshing out some thoughts for my next book and I decided I really did want to start using my fireplaces more than my gas heater.

The only problem with that idea is that the fireplaces were all traditional ones. Which means I needed lots of wood.

Remember what I said about not being very athletic? Yeah. Now I had to chop my own wood? Not happening.

A few phone calls to some of my new-found acquaintances in the village and I had three local boys chopping wood for me in no time for a minimal investment of £20 pounds each (about $35 dollars). And with all those old newspapers I'd been buying for months? I was set.

Now that I had a cozy and very warm cottage to come home to, I started venturing farther and farther out. From Brighton on the coast in the south to see the Royal Pavilion, and then Hartfield in East Sussex to see where A. A. Milne thought up his stories about a little teddy bear named Winnie-the-Pooh… I was having a grand old time.

Coming home from one of these solo drives from visiting Chichester one rainy but fine Sunday (Chichester happens to be the largest 'town' in my area—really it's a city)…

_Oh. Huh. 'Home.' Yep. I think my cottage definitely constituted my home by this point._

I digress.

_So_, as I pulled into my drive and headed for my tiny single car garage at the back, which was more of a carport than anything else, I noticed I had a visitor at my back porch.

She was lean and long haired. Beautiful, in fact. And she was laying down across the steps looking very tired and sad. And wet.

I guessed she was a Borzoi or Russian Wolfhound. Did I mention she was beautiful?

Even in her bedraggled state, you could tell she was well taken care of. She was mainly white with large, light reddish-brown patches on her face and all along her back. Of course, I didn't know at that point that she was a she but I'll get to that part in a minute.

As I exited my car and stood at the back of my carport, she lifted her head up off of her front paws and looked at me as if to say: 'Why have you been gone so long? I've been waiting for you to get home to take care of me, you silly human.' Or, something like that… Anyway, never having had a dog when growing up, I approached her cautiously. There wasn't much point in using caution, however, because as soon as I started walking towards her, her tail began wagging and her head came up further, with her ears slightly elevated.

"Hey there, where do you belong, I wonder…?"

As I reached her head, I placed my hand on the back of her neck and attempted to pet her. It was rather difficult since she was almost soaked. I did a quick calculation and figured that she couldn't have been sitting there for very long.

I was fairly close to the village proper but I was still relatively alone on this part of my lane. There was only one other residence close, the one I had walked by the back fence of many times that was definitely more of an estate than anything like my cottage, and a small nursery or plant center that was only open a few days a week. _They_ were mainly growing trees and shrubs for other nurseries more than anything else. It definitely wasn't a 'Home Depot.' So even though we didn't have a lot of traffic, she couldn't have come far…

As my new guest continued to wag her tail, I made a snap decision. I would bring her in, clean her up and then I would attempt to find her owner. After that, I could walk down to the shop to see about some dog food for her. She was apparently lost or something. That could be the only explanation for her sudden appearance.

I then had an epiphany. _Check for a collar or a tag, Swan. Hello!_ Oh. Good idea.

Of course, she had neither.

As I brought her in and set my things down on the small table next to my couch, I noticed how incredibly well behaved she seemed to be. She continued to stare up at me, as if she knew me or something. It was a little disconcerting but sweet, too.

This had to be a mistake. Someone left a gate open by accident or something. She was simply too sweet and kind to not be missed.

I took her upstairs and changed into some old sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt so I could give her a bath in the guest bathroom, which had a claw-footed tub. She didn't hesitate to help me help her to climb in, which I was thankful for since she wasn't exactly a small dog. She was lean but tall. Sort-of like a greyhound with long hair. While giving her a bath, I discovered that my instincts had been correct and she was indeed a girl.

After getting her cleaned up and dried off with my nice, fluffy guest towels, I brushed out her long hair with an old hair brush of mine. I then took her back downstairs and as I went out to the carport to find some rope, she simply stood at the back door and watched me, panting a little bit.

I brought her back into the kitchen and tied her gently to the leg of the kitchen table, placing a metal mixing bowl on the floor in front of her with some water.

"O.k. sweetie, I'm going to go check the neighbor's place to see if that's where you're from. Then I'm going to get you some food if that's _not_ where you belong."

She laid down and placed her head on her front paws. _God she's adorable._ But I couldn't keep her. She belonged to someone, that was obvious. She was most certainly not a stray.

I headed down my drive and down the lane away from the village for perhaps a quarter mile. _At least it's stopped raining. _As I reached the large, wrought-iron driveway gate of my neighbor's home, one side of the double-gate was slightly open. I cautiously entered and headed the short distance up their drive to the front door.

I'd never been to the front of the house before, so as I waited for someone to hopefully come to the front door, I looked around a little bit. As I'd assumed from my walks along their back fence, it was a much larger home than mine and it was probably almost one hundred and fifty years newer than my cottage. There was a rather large two-car garage to the right of the home but each set of double-doors were closed.

The home had dull red brick for part of the first floor and traditional beam and stucco above that in a crisp, light yellow. There was a well maintained front lawn and small garden with several large trees. There were some rather nice potted plants by the front door, which wasn't surprising with the way the backyard looked. There was also what I assumed to be a flowering climbing bush at the corner of the entryway that was growing up and around an upper floor window, trimmed just so. It was very… English. It was obviously well taken care of but I started wondering again about why I had never noticed anyone coming or going from the home.

After about ten minutes I gave up and walked back to my cottage to check on my new friend.

As I walked around the back, I did get slightly concerned that she might have escaped her confines and was now chewing on some of my first editions in the library.

But as I entered through the back door and went through the library heading into the kitchen, she patiently looked up at me as if to say, 'See, no one wants me but you.'

I wasn't too sure about that but since it had indeed stopped raining, I decided to take her with me to the shop to see about some food, hoping that perhaps someone I ran across would recognize her.

No one did.

Which, I must admit, I thought was very strange. There's no way from the state she'd been in when I'd discovered her on my porch that she could have escaped from anywhere too far. She was just in too good of health.

After just a single day with her I had become pretty attached. But I was a honest person. I certainly didn't want to steal someone's best friend.

So, I put notices up on the board at the Church, the Church Hall and the cricket pavilion as well as the village shop the next day. I'd even taken a picture of her with my digital camera and, using my computer, had added it to the flyer. My friend Sandra the shop owner printed them out for me in color.

She suggested I take my story to a Mr. Alberts, the local veterinarian. Hummm. That was a really good idea. So I took my visitor to the local vet in the neighboring village of Loxwood to see if he recognized her at all. After Sandra's suggestion and since he was the only vet for about five miles, I figured he might actually know her and her owner.

Jackpot. He _did_ recognize her.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN = And so the plot thickens... Moohawa! Anyhoo, just thought I'd mention that this story is already fully written and complete. However, I do not as yet have a posting schedule. It all depends on the response I get to what I've posted so far... So, please, please, PLZ send me a review. This story will thank you for it. Really. No lie... :)_**


	4. Solving a Mystery

**_A/N = Well, as the saying goes, we're now going to be getting down to brass tacks. I feel quite remiss about the fact that I haven't stated anywhere whether this is AH or not (I will say here and now that it is cannon, ExB all the way, and AU, however). I really want to leave it as a mystery... However, know this: The next Chap will answer this question quite definitively... _**

**_And speaking of the next Chap... I have decided on a posting schedule. _****_Let's try for every Sunday and Thursday? Yes. That sounds good. ;)_**

**_Hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings about the lives and loves of the Twilight characters. They of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit..._**

**_Now, on with the show. :)_**

* * *

><p>My new cottage-mate's name was Gracie and she was almost three years old. However, Mr. Alberts was beyond vague regarding her owner's name and location. He somehow magically knew that it would be o.k. for me to care for her, that the owner was unwell and unable to do so at the current time.<p>

I was beyond curious and a little annoyed in return. He'd loaded me up with goodies and hadn't charged me anything for the items he was giving me, since, he told me, he knew the owner would be grateful that someone would be able to care for her.

With Gracie by my side, a new leather leash and 'temporary' nametag with her name and my cell phone number attached to her collar, as well as a new bed and toys already in my car, I got a bit huffy with him.

"Look, this is so ridiculous. I'm basically stealing someone's dog with you acting as an accomplice. You've got to give me more information."

He sighed. "I know. It probably seems like I've lost my mind or I'm some kind of dog-napper. But I'm not. I just know the background on the situation and the owner is… Very, very private." He looked at me apologetically.

"Mr. Alberts, I can't accept that as an answer. You've got to give me more information. Period. How about at least telling me how long I'll have Gracie with me." I now had my arms crossed over my chest and was using my most stubborn tone.

He let out a long breath. "O.k., how about this? I'll give you his sister's telephone number. She's actually the one that told me that Gracie had gotten out and to keep an eye out for her as her brother was unable to care for her at the moment." He shook his head sadly. "I can't say any more than that but I would have to assume from what she told me that you'd be watching her for awhile. But I don't know that for sure… Please keep all this under your hat, so to speak. Like I said, he's very private."

"Alright, Mr. Alberts. Please give me her information. I promise I'll continue to look after Gracie and I won't say anything more to anyone else about it."

He seemed relieved. "Thank you, Ms. Swan. I know the family will greatly appreciate your discretion." He got a thoughtful look on his face.

"I'd also like to thank you personally for taking her into your home and caring for her. She really is a very sweet girl. However, if you find it to be too much of a burden please immediately call his sister. Even though he is currently unwell, I know her brother truly loves Gracie."

Yeah. O.k. That wasn't a weird conversation.

But I was _definitely_ going to call the sister and she was definitely going to explain to me what the hell was going on! So there!

…After I took down all my fliers.

~~:::~~

After leaving at least a dozen messages at a Mrs. Alice Whitlock's residence, I was getting really annoyed that I hadn't heard anything back as yet. I was tempted to head back over to my closest neighbor's house, since I had a funny feeling Gracie belonged there. But the same 'feeling' told me that was a bad idea. So, I waited.

A little over a week after my strange conversation with the vet, I received a text message from Mrs. Whitlock asking if she could visit me for tea. I replied that I'd be good to do so the next day at about 4:00 o'clock. I also requested that we meet at the Village Green.

The next morning, I contemplated whether to take Gracie with me. I decided not to. Mainly because I didn't think _Mrs. Whitlock_ deserved to see her since I was still a bit peeved that anyone would dump an animal like Gracie off on a complete stranger like she and her family had.

Also, if I was going to be completely honest with myself, I'd gotten extremely attached to Gracie by this point. Strangely, even though I'd originally come here to live in my own little world, the thought of living here without Gracie left me feeling a little out of sorts.

I just plain didn't think I could handle it if Gracie wanted to be with Alice more than me. Silly. I know. I knew she belonged with Alice's family but I'd quickly become attached and pretty dependent on her company.

I sighed. I would leave Gracie at the cottage knowing that as I was justified, I also was not. I was being protective. And also a bit selfish.

I walked to the Village Green with my picnic basket and thermos at about twenty minutes before 4:00 and arrived in plenty of time. As I sat down, I watched a yellow Porsche drive around the back of the cricket pavilion and park only ten feet from me on the narrow gravel lane that ran along the side of the cricket field, between the lawn and the homes that surrounded it on that side.

As I stood up to greet Mrs. Whitlock, I was struck with how tiny she appeared. I wasn't tall by any means, only about five-foot four but she was even shorter than me. I would guess only four-foot ten—it was hard to tell since she was wearing heels. She had short, black spiky hair that looked really stylish and good on her. She had a defined but very attractive face—really she was a little stunning. She had on what appeared to be a designer-inspired outfit. I was pretty much a jeans and t-shirt girl but I still occasionally read the fashion mags, just so I could claim to be in vogue. She had on tailored tan pants with crisp pleats down the front, with a beautiful cashmere-looking sweater in white with a mock collar. She had on a felt coat in chocolate brown that fell to just below her knees, with black boots that had spike heels that must have been at least four inches in height.

I felt intimidated. Until she reached me with her hand outstretched in greeting and spoke.

"Ms. Swan! It is so, so wonderful to meet you!" She had a high, musical sounding voice that was rather pleasant. Her smile was breathtaking. I couldn't do anything but smile in response.

"Hi. It's nice to meet you. Please call me Isabella. You must be… Mrs. Whitlock?" I asked, just to be sure. Even though there really was no doubt in my mind who this was.

"Yes! Yes." We shook hands and sat down on one of the benches that lined the green, between two huge Horse Chestnut trees. "Oh my goodness, call me Alice! I can't even begin to thank you properly for what you're doing for my brother and, really, Gracie too." She beamed at me.

All the worry, tension and concern I'd had for a person that couldn't possibly care as much as I thought they should for Gracie evaporated. Obviously, Alice cared a great deal.

I still had questions, however.

"Um, oh! No problem. I can't tell you how much I enjoy having her with me. I live alone and…"

We ended up talking for over an hour, eating our tea from the basket and thermos I'd brought. She was engaging, witty and obviously fun-loving. Oddly, I could imagine myself becoming good friends with her.

She told me that she and her family had grown up in London but had owned a 'country house' here in Wisborough Green for most of her life. She was now married and also living in London, not far from her childhood home that her parents still lived in. _Townies._ I thought to myself, stifling a giggle.

She explained that she's an art restorationist while her husband's a psychologist. Her mother is an art historian and their father a surgeon. It didn't go unnoticed by me that she failed to mention what her brother did. But I didn't push. What's the point when I had no intention of giving any significant details about my own life?

I told her the _general_ idea behind why I was living in England and how I ended up with Gracie.

She admitted that Gracie had never gotten out before, at least as long as her brother had been living in London. He'd only been living at their country home since April, so apparently Gracie had been doing fine for months out here until just a few weeks ago.

I figured it was time to be a little blunt. Something I'd been forced to learn how to do to get through my divorce. "She couldn't have come far… You guys own the place closest to me, don't you?" I squinted my eyes at her as I spoke.

Apparently she decided it was her turn to be blunt too. "Yes." She took a deep breath. "And I'm so sorry I'm not being very forthcoming with _why_ you need to care for Gracie in the first place. It's simply not my story to tell. However, I do need to come clean with you." She looked at me with her large, ice blue eyes and didn't even blink.

I nodded for her to continue and she closed her eyes for several seconds before continuing.

"I'm sure you are a very observant girl and it wouldn't be a surprise to you for me to mention that my family is rather well off." She waited for me to nod in understanding, which I did.

"Well, we tend to be… Rather protective of our family. Especially right now with my brother being… Indisposed. Sooo, when we heard that the cottage next to our country home had been sold, we—scratch that—_I_ looked into who the new owner would be." She waited.

The truth dawned on me. "You know who I am." I said it as a statement. It all made sense now. Why they had no reservations about me taking care of an obviously beloved animal. Why Alice appeared to be so comfortable with me. It still didn't explain…

She held her hands up in front of her, almost in a defensive move. "I know that you must have a lot of questions about what the real story is with Gracie and my brother. Especially since you're a successful author and these kinds of mysteries must drive you batty."

I laughed out loud. She was right. I was beyond curious. But I was also very respectful of other people's privacy. I may be really friendly with the villagers of what to me was my new home but I never said more than I wanted to about myself. I was a very good listener but not very good with sharing things about myself with others.

"Look Alice, I like you. To be completely honest, more than I thought I would. I was astounded as to how anyone could basically abandon an animal like Gracie. What you've told me makes sense. And you're right. I do want to know the details about her and your brother."

I stopped and stared unwaveringly into her eyes. "However, I understand his reluctance in sharing an obviously very personal story with a total stranger. You may know my name and what I do for a living, but you have no idea who I am really. And I'm not one to blab about myself in any way. Please let him know that when he's ready to explain, I'll be there to listen."

"Well, that's all we can ask for, isn't it? And that you're taking such good care of Gracie also, of course. Thank you, again."

She stood gracefully and reached out to shake my hand in farewell. "Isabella, it's been a true pleasure meeting you. I would like to invite you up to London to have dinner with my husband and myself. Would you be amenable?" She gave me a tentative but radiant smile.

How could I refuse such an effervescent and spritely individual? "Of course. I'd love to." I smiled brightly at her.

"Great! I'll send you the details right away. I wouldn't suggest that you drive. You could take the train from Billingshurst straight into London on the Victoria Line. We live off of King's Road, just west of Sloane Square. That's the next Tube stop west of Victoria Station. Jasper and I will of _course_ meet you at the station." She smiled warmly towards me again. "Until this weekend, then?"

As she walked back to her car, I couldn't help but wave cheerfully. "That'll be great!"

As I walked back to my cottage, I realized after she'd driven away that she hadn't told me anything about her brother except that he had, at one point, lived in London. And that he apparently now lived down the lane from me.

Interesting.

~~:::~~


	5. Needing Hope

**_A/N = O.k. So, here's the part that people have probably been waiting for. ;)_**

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit... _**

* * *

><p><em>Pointless<em>. It was all just so… Pointless.

Or, at least, that's what I'd been thinking about my life until _she_ walked past my back gate.

So beautiful.

Slender build but graceful. She had the richest chestnut-colored hair I'd ever seen, with a little bit of red mixed in. Not curly but not completely straight either. Very natural but very fetching. Her face was slightly heart shaped and she had porcelain-like skin… It was almost translucent. I could see her raise one arm to her face to block the sun and could barely make out the crinkling of her eyes, as she looked intently off into the distance. I wondered what color her eyes were…

She wasn't very tall, perhaps only barely five foot five but she walked so determinedly. She had a simple but heavy walking stick with her even though she seemed to not really need it. I wondered why she used it since she looked very fit. Not in an overly muscular way, just healthy looking. In fact, being completely honest, her slight build was actually quite feminine and nicely curvaceous. Not 'fake,' if you understand my meaning.

Why did she stop at my back gate and stare off into the distance like that? Why did she glance furtively into my well manicured back yard? When she stood at the fence for more than five minutes, why? What was she thinking about when she stood there? What did she see?

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I was so intrigued with her. Yes, she was very, very attractive but… There was something else. As if, in some bizarre way, I was being pulled towards her. As if she were some celestial object that was suddenly front and center within my small universe.

Another thing I noticed was how Gracie reacted when she would walk leisurely past. She would stand stock still at the back doors, with her back and head stiff and her tail lightly wagging. Like she was waiting to be noticed by her. But she never barked. It's true that her breed didn't bark very much but she _did_ bark. But not at this gorgeous creature. Not once.

After late summer turned to fall, I stopped seeing her. Perhaps the rain was making the footpath too muddy… Perhaps she had gone back to wherever it was that she had come from… Maybe she…

I sighed. Did it matter? I would most likely never see her again.

My peculiar attraction to this beautiful stranger slowly receded. However, Gracie continued to stand at the back patio doors in the afternoon of each day at approximately the time _she_ would have walked by. It was… Disconcerting.

I didn't know if Gracie knew something I didn't. But I knew that she obviously couldn't _tell_ me. I almost laughed out loud. And then… I hesitated at that thought.

She had been able to decipher that something wasn't right between Kate and I. She had known when something had gone wrong with Kate. And over the last four months she had been attempting to comfort me _knowing_ that I wasn't… quite right.

Perhaps I should take this reaction of hers more seriously.

Alice and Jasper, my sister and brother-in-law, had also been trying to comfort me. With Jasper's ability to read people so accurately, it had been almost painful for them to come by and visit me in London at first. And Alice… Ahh, yes. Alice. My spontaneous and all-seeing sister. She loved me and I appreciated her support of me over the months… After…

The pain was still there. But it was, unbelievably, beginning to dull.

I suppose I should back up a bit.

I had survived things that other people wrote tragedies and angst-filled tales about.

An almost divorce, a bittersweet reunion, a child, and then… Death. So much death.

Just as I had each time I tried not to think about my past, I ran my hands through my impossible-to-tame hair, which is almost the color of honeyed mahogany. I had gotten my coloring from our mother, Esme. Alice had gotten hers from our father, Carlisle—Even though she choose to die her hair so that it was jet black where our father's was white-blonde. I received mother's deep green irises and Alice acquired father's ice blue ones. I was thoughtful like our father, whereas Alice was albeit more outgoing than our mother but she was just as compassionate.

We're a very close family. Which I was immensely grateful for.

Alice had married my best friend from my University years. My other best friend, Emmett McCarty, had married Alice's best friend, Rosalie Hale. Of course our parents were best friends with each other and had been in love almost since the moment that they had met. And I had been a part of all that happiness… At one time.

I should be brutally honest about it. I wasn't as happy as they all were and are. I was _reasonably_ happy, however. I had an attractive, loving wife. A fantastic career.

And then, horribly, it was all gone. In one ghastly, nightmarish year. Which was now over six months past.

My career—I'm a concert pianist—was practically skyrocketing it was taking off so high. Kate and I had met at University and had dated exclusively until we graduated. As she started out in her career as a defensive arts instructor (she'd received her degree in physical therapy and physical education), and my musical career started really moving, we got married.

The first few years were fantastic. I realized later, much, much later, that they were more fantastic for me than they were for her.

More years passed and as my career blossomed, I began traveling all the time. I would be in Prague, London and New York all within less than two weeks of each other, to be a guest artist to the symphonies of those cities. It was exhilarating.

It was also rather lonely for my wife.

I was having the time of my life while she was holding down the proverbial fort. She worked longer hours. She spent more and more time with her friends, her sisters, my friends and family. She bought a dog—a Borzoi—Gracie, of course. But _I_ wasn't there for her. It all became too much. In one of my rare instances of actually being home for Christmas, she told me she wanted a divorce.

I was devastated. I rashly promised her that I would completely scale back my visiting artist gigs and go back to school to get my PhD in Music Theory and teach. She cautiously put the divorce on hold and we poured everything we had into our marriage for the next five months.

Unintentionally we got pregnant. But there were severe complications. Dozens of doctor's appointments and tests. Constantly there were tests… Abruptly and unexpectedly, at the six month mark, both she and our baby were gone.

Shock. Loss. Hurt. Hate. Fear.

I was catatonic. Beyond devastated.

_Why? _Why _her_?

Guilt.

_Why not me? _If she'd left me as she'd originally planned, she'd still be alive, I'd reasoned.

Those thoughts are what brought Alice and Jasper into my home in London many weeknights and every weekend for several months. Jasper convinced me to go to grief counseling. Which I did and it did help somewhat. I ended up moving on to a therapist. I had to face the fact that it wasn't completely my fault and that we had been moving apart from almost the moment we'd gotten married. It wasn't my fault that she had died. That the baby…

God. I may have learned how to deal with the pain but I would always feel the ache.

After six months of intensive therapy and a fair showing on my part to move forward and not completely give up on life, it was decided between my therapist, my family and my closest friends that I would be best served by not continuing to live in Kate's and my old flat in London. That I should go to the family's country home and attempt to reassess my life's direction.

Due to its location to a major rail station, I could easily make my therapy appointments in London. Also, the family and our close friends could come and visit me in a more neutral setting.

And Gracie could be exercised as she should be. London really wasn't the best place for a dog like her. She needed to run like a greyhound. She needed my attention and love. She loved me unconditionally, which is what I needed. I needed to be needed. And she's such a sweet animal. How could she be anything other than comforting?

But I still felt so… Useless. I hadn't played the piano for so long. Of course, I didn't _have_ to work. But I'd never played for money anyway. I'd played because I had loved it. I didn't _not_ love it now. I just found it… Difficult.

My visits to the therapist had gone from twice a week while I'd been in London to once every other week eighteen months after my nightmares had begun. Now that they had receded to an acceptable level, I saw him only twice a month.

I did feel more 'normal.' I had accepted that there was nothing I could do to either bring Kate and our baby back nor could I go back and change the fact that our marriage had been disintegrating for many, many years.

I now knew that I hadn't really found with Kate what my parents, my sister, and my friends had. Nor had Kate found with me what she'd really been looking for. The pregnancy had not been planned. It had been an accident. If not for that, she and I would now be happily divorced and I would be traveling the world playing piano concertos.

I knew I needed to make this final hurdle and begin playing, even composing again. I had started in my head. I just hadn't actually been able to do anything but sit on the piano bench and stare at the keys. I still hadn't been able to actually play. I didn't even bother to take my piano with me to the country home—I'd left it at the flat.

Alice and Jasper had visited me each Friday evening through Saturday morning since I'd moved down to the country. Over the months, I became less quiet and pained and more able to interact with them.

A lot of that had been through Gracie's help. She simply knew when I was too wrapped up in myself and the past to be healthy. When I would drift off for too long a period of time, she would patiently walk directly in my path until I took notice of her, then she would sit down and tilt her head at me as if to say, 'Stop it. I'm here for you. Life is here for you to live it. Come play with me!'

And I would. I'd drive away from the village to the local prep college and get her running around their track. She loved it. And honestly, I loved it to. I had run in college but I had stopped due to my grueling concert schedule. It was invigorating to do it again.

We fell into a routine. Gracie's and my runs. Alice and Jasper visiting. Working on my dissertation for my PhD that I'd decided to continue with. Rose and Emmett coming for Sunday dinners twice a month. Visiting with my parents more regularly over the phone than I had in years. It was… Nice.

However, even with all my progress, I still felt as if I were missing some important piece of my life.

Even though I had awakened something in me with my pursuit of a PhD in Music Theory, I still assumed everything would be put back in place by going back to being a concert pianist.

So I tried harder.

I even bought an electronic keyboard.

It didn't seem to help.

As I continued to struggle with my piano playing, I had begun to feel it was pointless for me to continue to try. Maybe my 'career' was over. I figured that perhaps it was time to speak with my father about other professional choices.

And then I'd had someone that was a vision of beauty wander along my back fence.

I had been at the country home for a little less than three months the first time I'd seen this mysterious wanderer. When she stopped appearing at the back gate several months later and Gracie began her daily vigil, I felt that same sensation of emptiness in my chest increase that I had ascribed to my lack of playing the piano and composing. It didn't make any sense to me.

Of course I hadn't anticipated that after _Alice_ noticed Gracie's behavior one Saturday afternoon, she would see something in it. Something important. Something she was sure I was missing.

I was annoyed and irritated. Mainly because I'd been thinking the same thing. But more so because I didn't _want_ to figure it out. It would mean that I had truly moved on from my experiences with Kate. I knew I needed to do that, to live my life and not wallow for the rest of it in guilt.

I knew I needed to be happy again.

I just didn't quite know how.

And, for some reason, Alice was sure that _this_ was the key to my happiness—figuring out what was going on with Gracie.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN = Please see my profile for a link to photos I used during my research of this story (I ALWAYS do research-I hate describing something and not being sure if it really exists or not...) They'll give you great visuals of a lot of the places and things that are discussed in the story. The photos are laid out by Chap and only Chaps that I've posted so far will be viewable so, no, you won't be able to 'look ahead'. LOL Enjoy!**_


	6. Changing Destiny

**_**_A/N So, how DID Bella end up with Gracie?_**_**

**_**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit... _**_**

* * *

><p>I knew it. I just <em>knew<em> that Edward had finally moved on from the horrors that were his life previously. My dear husband Jasper could sense it too.

I had noticed a subtle change in his demeanor after he had been living at our country home for about three months. Even Gracie seemed happier. She was such a good, loving animal. Honestly, if it weren't for her, I have no idea how my brother would have survived the ordeal that he'd gone through.

He'd casually mentioned a walker that had been passing by the back fence and gate for several weeks. A girl. He hadn't realized how his eyes grew unfocused and his voice became slightly rougher as he'd spoken of her.

For once in my life, I didn't push him into explaining more. I just let him talk about her. After what he'd been through, me pushing him into pursuing any kind of attachment or, God forbid, _romance_ would have shut his emotions down probably for good.

I knew my brother almost better than he knew himself. I was fully aware of his strides with his counseling sessions and the immense movement forward that his life was taking now. But I also knew that he still harbored ridiculous feelings of guilt.

But I certainly didn't want to _ever_ see him in that horribly catatonic state again from something _I _had done wrong.

Whether he liked it or not, my brother deserved to be happy and whole again.

Well, not 'again' because I never really saw that deep connection between Edward and Kate that I saw between our parents or even Jasper and me, as well as Rose and Emmett. He had loved her, of that I didn't doubt. But I knew that he was capable of so much more than what he'd shown towards Kate.

He only spoke of 'walking girl' a few times but I kept my promise to myself and to Jasper that I would not interfere. Of course, Jasper knew where my mind was.

Almost two months later we were down to visit him and our parents had come along with us for a change. He had actually made us all lunch and it was, as was the norm for Edward, fantastic.

Our mother and Edward were both almost gourmet chef's and I… Was definitely not. Much to Jasper's amusement. I was very creative but not with food. Just… Ew.

We were all sitting around together in the main living room, discussing an upcoming exhibit that our mum was working on at the British Museum, when I caught sight of Gracie in my peripheral vision.

After a few minutes I actually turned my body away from Jasper to watch her. She was standing at the French doors at the back of the living room, completely still, staring out towards the small back gate.

"Ummm, Edward… Why is Gracie staring out the back like that? I don't see anything out there…" I was craning my neck, trying to see around her to try and discover what in the world could be so fascinating.

"I don't know." He sighed loudly. "She's been doing that every day, at this time of day, for almost two months."

We all looked over at Edward at that point. I think we were all unsure of what to say in response to that.

As the conversation drifted back to other items of interest, I began to wonder. I hadn't heard about his 'walking girl' in a while. Could there be a connection? Why would I even have thought that? Probably because I had an uncanny knack to get 'feelings' that usually always turned out to be correct—kind of like 'women's intuition' on steroids.

Because of my previous decision to not push him about the girl, I didn't say anything with our family around us. I waited until later that evening, while he and I were alone in the kitchen brewing some coffee for everyone.

"Edward, what do you think the deal is with Gracie standing at the back doors like that? Are you sure she's o.k.?" I asked him quietly as I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms lightly in front of my chest.

He was facing away from me, staring out the kitchen window located over the sink, which looked out over the large side yard. He had a wine glass in his hand with a smallish amount left in it, and he was slowly twirling the remaining liquid around the glass. He suddenly put the glass to his lips and drained it, rinsed the glass out in the sink and placed it carefully on the sideboard.

"I honestly don't know. It's the only strange bit of behavior I've ever seen her exhibit." He turned around to look me in the eye, leaning back against the sink with his arms behind him and his hands resting on the countertop. "Alice, you're my sister. I know you wouldn't have asked that question if you didn't already have a theory." He huffed a little. "Out with it."

I mirrored his body with my own against the island and cocked my head to the side as I looked up into his face—kind-of a necessity with me being so short and him so tall. "I actually don't… Yet. However, I think it portents something… I think you're the only person who may know _what_ Gracie is looking for." I put great emphasis on the word 'what,' hoping he would hear the implied 'who.'

He didn't bite. _Darn it!_ I knew saying anything more would be pushing him. And I simply wasn't going to do that to him with this situation.

My 'intuition' was screaming at me to simply stay the heck out of it. So, I did.

But Gracie…

Well, she decided to take matters into her own… Paws.

~~:::~~

I woke up late on the Sunday after my family had visited with a headache. _That's what I get for drinking too much wine._ I got up, showered and went to let Gracie out.

When my family had left the night before, Gracie was acting a bit peculiar. She wouldn't come with me to the door and that's something she hadn't ever done before. She usually followed me around quite closely.

But I chalked it up to her not being used to so many people being around at one time, and I didn't think any further about it. I knew she enjoyed it being just me and her. She was o.k. with Alice and Jasper but she hadn't been around my parents much so I just assumed she'd been feeling a little shy.

As I went downstairs, I could see down the hall and into the kitchen, where her bed usually sat. It wasn't there.

I slowed my progress down the stairs. "Gracie…? Where are you, girl?"

Nothing.

I felt my brows pull together. _Crap!_ Had she gotten sick? I quickly moved into the living room and noticed that she must have dragged her bed to sleep behind the largest couch. This was something she _had_ done before.

Her bed was there but before I could feel any sense of relief, I realized she wasn't in it. Feeling more and more perplexed, I ran one of my hands through my still damp hair and left my hand on top of my head. _Where the hell is she?_ "Gracie… Sweetie, where are you?"

I suddenly took note of the temperature in the room. It was very cold. As my eyes swept the room, they rested on the double French doors off the dining room. They were ajar.

I felt a sense of dread as I quickly moved into the back yard. She was a large dog but she was also rather timid. I didn't know why in the world she would have gone outside for any length of time without someone with her. It seemed that she'd basically taken off. This is something she had never, ever done before. She simply didn't wander.

I walked quickly around the yard yelling for her but she didn't appear. I went back into the house in almost a panic.

Maybe she just wasn't well and had gone into another section of the house and hadn't heard me. Why the back doors were open I had _no_ idea…

After searching for her for about twenty minutes but before I could completely become unraveled, I called Alice.

She calmed me down and got me thinking more logically. If the room was cold, she might have gone out in the middle of the night. I needed to get fully dressed and start driving to all our usual haunts.

Alice promised that she would head down to help me immediately. She figured she'd be at the train station in Billingshurst around 3:00 p.m. that afternoon. I told her I'd be there promptly to pick her up.

As I headed to the front door with my keys in hand, I tried not to think any negative thoughts.

I honestly had _no idea_ what I would do if something happened to Gracie.

~~:::~~

When Edward picked me up, he didn't look well. At all. I knew immediately that he hadn't found her. I understood that he would have called me right away if he had.

No phone call, no Gracie. I sighed.

However, I had the distinct impression that Gracie was o.k. I just really felt at peace about the whole thing. Which I knew Edward would not be pleased with me about. He didn't really like talking about my little gift during… Well, _while_ difficulties were in progress. So, I didn't say anything about it. I just offered to head over to Gracie's veterinarian's office in Loxwood to see if anyone had dropped her off there.

When I returned from the vets… Well, that's when things got very unpleasant.

He accused me or someone else in the family, other than himself of course, of leaving the back door open the night before.

He was starting to pull at his hair incessantly. He was beginning to get belligerent.

Then we discovered her collar, with her name tag attached, by the hook that held her leash.

He suddenly remembered taking her collar off to brush her the night before, after we'd all left. He'd felt bad that she'd obviously been a little uncomfortable with so many people in the house, which was something she definitely was not used to. He also remembered opening the back door just a crack because the room had felt a little stuffy to him while he'd been brushing out her coat.

That's when he shut down completely. Not quite catatonic but pretty darn close.

He was forcibly holding back his tears—he was a sensitive sort but still always felt the necessity to carry himself as a man's-man—hence the lack of letting go with his tears.

"What am I going to do without her Alice?" His voice sounded absolutely despondent.

"Don't you dare give up Edward Anthony Cullen! Don't you dare give up on finding her!" I practically screeched at him.

He got a look of shock on his face but I continued, only now my voice was a bit more controlled. "The vet said he will keep his eyes open. He said that you had brought Gracie in to see him about three weeks after you'd arrived. He remembered her fondly and you with concern."

I had his full attention now. I took a short breath and continued.

"He was concerned for you because you were obviously recovering from some sort of trauma, and he hoped you were feeling better. I told him that you were doing much better but losing Gracie was simply not an option. I left my contact information with him."

He sat roughly down on one of the couches in the living room, with his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair. "I can't do it, Alice. I can't lose Gracie." He choked out.

This was sooo not good.

He had come so far. But I knew from being married to a psychologist that even if someone's recovery is going exceptionally well, they can suddenly and frighteningly have a relapse with the 'right' triggers. And Edward was dangerously close. Way too close for my comfort.

This was simply tapping too much into his 'guilt-complex,' since he of course blamed himself for Gracie's disappearance. I mentally shook my head.

I told him that I would be right back and that I loved him, and then I went to the kitchen to get him some tea and to call Jasper.

I told Jasper what was going on and we decided that I would stay the night. He also thought it would be a good idea to have Edward come back to our parents home Monday night. Maybe it would help Edward to spend some adult bonding-time with our parents while I took up the daunting task of finding Gracie. We both knew that once Edward's brooding tendencies kicked in like they had, he wouldn't be much help to me anyway.

And, God love him, my sweet husband didn't want him to lose all the ground he'd gained.

I agreed with him wholeheartedly.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN I think this is one of the shortest Chaps with one of the more 'interesting' (for some of you, read: 'annoying') cliffies. _**

**_So, for those of you that are kind enough to review, I will send an excerpt from the next Chap. ;)_**

**_Reminder: My posting schedule is Thursday's and Sunday's. Thanks again for reading (and reviewing)!_**


	7. Curiouser and Curiouser

**_A/N: Gotta love Alice!_**

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit... _**

* * *

><p>Edward didn't become <em>completely<em> catatonic. But it was close. Too close.

It reminded me of the time Kate's sister, Irina, had come apart on my brother. She had blamed him for her sister's death of course. She was yelling and screaming at him when luckily, Jasper and I showed up for our usual Friday night dinner with him. Jasper managed to get her out of the front door and away from Edward before he'd really been able to shut down about it, taking on more guilt about the entire situation than one human being should really have to.

It wasn't his fault. He couldn't have stopped what had happened to Kate any more than I could stop the moon from rising in the sky. It was ridiculous.

At least Kate's other sister, Tanya, had her head screwed on straight. Jasper called her and she came immediately to help Irina. After she'd settled the still crying girl into her car, she came back to apologize to all of us. I truly believe she was sincere but I don't think Edward really heard her. Hence the almost-catatonic state he ended up in for a few days. That had been a close one.

I spent Sunday night with him and on Monday, after our mother arrived to take us all out to lunch and then take Edward home, I went out looking for Gracie without him. He was just too upset to be of any use.

That's when I found the flyers.

Going with my gut feeling, I used my cell phone to research the number that was listed. My instinct was of course absolutely correct. It was the person that had bought the cottage down the lane from our family's country home.

Which meant that it was probably the same person that had walked past my brother's back fence all those months ago… The one that he'd been so unconsciously but incredibly intrigued by…

_The one that Gracie couldn't even forget._

I took my thoughts just slightly farther and spoke to the village store owner about the person that had left the flyer, describing the 'walking girl' based on the description Edward had given me months previously. She confirmed my suspicions. I told the helpful lady that I hoped the girl found the dog's owner.

I was right again. Two for two. Not bad.

I was in fact so happy with my discoveries that I had already begun planning in my head. I would not tell Edward that I'd found Gracie. I would leave it up to Ms. Swan to 'do the right thing,' which I had no doubt that she would. But, for insurance, I would contact her in two weeks if she hadn't contacted me first. And, when she did contact me, which I knew she would, I'd wait at least a week to respond.

Gracie safe and well? Check.

My brother's eternal happiness? Possibly…

So, in support of my plan, I subtly mentioned to the shop owner that if _I_ were this nice girl, I would check with the local vet to see if perhaps he might recognize the animal.

Upon exiting the shop, I immediately called Jasper. "Honey! You'll never guess…"

After explaining what was going on and him sounding slightly shocked, I was right again. He never would have been able to guess.

"Look, as much as it _pains_ _me_ to say this, I'm going to keep my promise about staying out of Edward's love life. Well, directly. Anyhoo, I _am_ going to push a few of Ms. Swan's buttons however and help her by helping Gracie at the same time."

He sounded amused but concerned.

"Don't call me a meddling pixie! At least we know who the 'walking girl' is now. And, really, the most important part of all of this at this point is that we know Gracie is o.k."

He could do nothing but agree with me on that point.

I explained that I was going to head back to the vet's on my way home that afternoon to fill him in a little more on the situation. And in case Ms. Swan came calling, he was to encourage her, strongly, to keep Gracie for a bit since my brother was having some difficulties and would appreciate the help. I would also be giving him some money to discreetly pass on to Ms. Swan for Gracie's upkeep.

The vet, Mr. Alberts, ended up being very agreeable. He was actually a very, very nice man. He told me that he would do as I had instructed if Ms. Swan came by and he wished my brother a speedy recovery.

As I thought over all that had happened during that weekend, I had to wonder about good old providence.

Fate? Destiny? I sighed. Even my 'gift' couldn't see where this would all end up. I just needed to have faith in Edward and in what was meant to happen.

And if he ever found out that I hadn't told him immediately about where Gracie was, I knew he would forgive me.

Eventually.

~~:::~~

Dinner with the Whitlock's had been fun.

I don't know why I was surprised. After my first encounter with Alice, I had actually been looking forward to our dinner and meeting her husband, Jasper.

Even though I'd been living in my cottage for several months already, I had done a pretty good job of keeping to myself. I was happy about that fact but… I actually did miss having a good friend to chitchat with conspiratorially occasionally.

I mean, it was great having Gracie but she couldn't exactly talk back.

With Gracie's lack of conversation skills, my strangely instant rapport with Alice, and my curiosity having been kindled about her brother, I decided maybe leaving Gracie at home would be a good idea.

So, I ended up not taking Gracie to visit the Whitlock's. I mean, it was logical in a different sense, since I wasn't sure if it was o.k. to take a dog onto the train anyway. Besides, I knew she'd be o.k. alone at the cottage since she was simply the best behaved dog I'd ever seen.

She was so gentle and sweet. I wondered for what seemed like the hundredth time whether Alice's brother, _Edward Cullen,_ I now knew, missed her or if he was doing any better from… Well, from whatever it was that was wrong with him. Which looking back I had found to be… Slightly annoying.

Alice and Jasper didn't really say much about him other than telling me his name and that he was Alice's older brother. I respected them for not telling an almost stranger about his personal demons. Whatever was going on with him really wasn't any of my business anyway, I reasoned.

I did, however, begin to feel a sense of worry regarding him. _Weird_.

Surprisingly, Alice and Jasper didn't pry into _my_ history, for which I was immensely grateful.

Even without sharing any family secrets on either of our parts we still had plenty to talk about and I had a great time. Jasper carried himself as being rather stoic but was really quite funny. Alice was simply a bundle of energy. They were perfect for each other—they completely balanced each other out.

We ended up playing board games for a couple of hours after dinner, which was a riot. Jasper would try and cheat and Alice would somehow always know when he was about to.

One thing that Jasper let slip was that he had actually read my first best seller. He said it had an interesting take on the infertility issue and how other people deal with someone who is infertile. We talked about those exact issues for quite a while.

Towards the end of our evening, we decided that I would reciprocate in the near future and have them down at the cottage for dinner one Sunday.

They hadn't told me when Edward's 'exile' would be ending, so I had no idea how much more time I would have with Gracie. I obviously had grown extremely attached to her.

The strange thing was that I was quickly becoming attached to Alice and Jasper too. I was actually now going against all my plans of keeping to myself. I was actually making _friends_.

As I thought about them during my train ride home, I was again taken with a sense of sadness regarding Alice's brother, my neighbor.

I wondered if he was mentally ill… Perhaps he was physically unwell and wasn't really expected to recover…

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. _That's odd—I don't even know the guy._ What was that about?

Then I remembered.

All those walks I'd taken along _his_ back fence. He'd _been_ there. Watching me. I felt goose bumps suddenly race across my arms, down my neck and spine. But it wasn't in a creepy way. It was in an almost _pleasant_ way.

What. The. Hell!

~~:::~~

For once in my life, I listened to Alice.

Her suggestion for our mum to come down and then take me back to our childhood home had seemed so ludicrous to me at first. I mean, I'm a 35 year old grown man for crying out loud!

But it had ended up being one of the best suggestions she'd ever given me.

After the shock of Gracie disappearing basically because of my own stupidity, and finally allowing Alice to convince me that she had an excellent feeling about the entire situation, I tried to settle down a bit. That little sprite seemed to have a sixth-sense about things sometimes…

Honestly, I had the oddest impression about the entire situation myself. It didn't make logical sense to me that Gracie was perfectly o.k. but I _did_ see the logic in Alice having gone to the local vet. I was glad she'd thought of that and hoped that he'd call her with information promptly and that Gracie was healthy and unhurt.

My father took a few days off from his surgery office and my mum took some time off from working at the Museum.

They didn't hover. At all. They went about their business around the house, only engaging me when they had something specific to tell me.

We talked about the latest books they'd read. What pieces might be coming up for exhibition at the Museum. How my dad's practice was going. Upcoming trips they might be taking…

It was actually really nice and rather relaxing.

Not what I'd expected at all. More on my part than theirs—I just expected things to be difficult for me now—I still had things to learn, apparently. I smiled softly to myself.

It wasn't that I _hadn't_ been close to my parents, far from it. It was just that with the life I'd ended up leading, I simply drifted apart from them. I knew they loved me and supported me—what else really mattered than that? But even adult male children need their parents sometimes.

Because of their quiet form of support, after about a week I inexplicably found myself playing their piano, trying to work out a song that had pushed its way into my head. It was a little sad, like the wind through the trees in the winter. I wondered where it would take me… Because this composition was definitely going somewhere.

And for the first time in many, many years, I wanted to find out where _I_ was going to end up.

So, I kept playing. I played pieces from Chopin to Debussy. Towards the end of my self-exiled stay with my parents, I even played some of my old compositions. My mother cried in happiness about me for the first time in… Well, a long, long time.

_I_ even felt happy. Hopeful.

How very strange…

~~:::~~

Fall was moving slowly into winter. I could tell because it was raining even more than it had been but it was also getting colder. I didn't mind, though. I understood from living in Forks that in order for it to be so green and beautiful, it would have to rain. A lot. I was a little worried about driving in icy conditions. As I'd gotten older, I may have gotten more graceful and less accident prone than when I'd been younger, but driving on icy roads still made me feel a little anxious.

When I'd helped with the Harvest Supper, it had been so much fun. The camaraderie was heartwarming. Which was a good thing because it really was much colder here than it had been in Forks for this time of year. It hadn't snowed yet but I figured if we didn't get a white Christmas we were for sure going to see a white New Year's Day.

Thanksgiving would be coming up soon in the States. I would say I missed it but I was really growing quite attached to my little village. I was really excited about spending Christmas at my cottage and I still needed to have Alice and Jasper down for dinner one Sunday.

Which brought me back to thinking about Gracie and… Edward. Stranger and stranger.

I stopped by Sandra's shop and told her that I'd found Gracie's owner. Before she could question me about it and without connecting the two for her by talking about the weather for a few minutes, I asked her if she knew who owned the home by me or if she knew anything about my nearest neighbor. She said that she remembered the parents quite fondly since they used to come down every weekend and had even hosted a grand Christmas party about fifteen years back. But after that they hadn't seen much of them.

She assumed it was because their children were now older and had no interest in staying in a small, unexciting village. She couldn't remember their names but knew there was a boy and a girl, with the boy being the older child. She vaguely remembered the boy being tall, gangly and rather contemplative, and the girl as very small and full of energy. Basically that they were complete opposites.

Hummm. Not exactly what I'd pictured in my head…

But then, why was I trying to picture Edward Cullen at all?

Curiouser and curiouser…

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: I'll be outta town for the 4th of July weekend (Independence Day here in the States). SO, I'll be posting Chap 8 later this evening! Woohoo! And, please, for everyone that's checking out my story... PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take just a moment to leave me a thought, a word, some encouragement, etc. Just hit that Review this Chap button below. You know you want to!_**


	8. An Unexpected Friendship

**_A/N: Well, here we go. We've finally reached that 'magic moment'. Hang on everybody, we're going to be moving at super-sonic speed now!_**

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit... _**

* * *

><p>About a week and a half after the disaster of losing Gracie, my sister had gotten a call. Finally. And, thank God, she was fine.<p>

Alice had given me the phone number so I could call the person and arrange for the pick up of Gracie from them. I had already packed my duffle bag in preparation of returning to what was now _my_ home in the country.

I had decided to take my own car back. As much as I liked having the Land Rover at the house in the country for Gracie, it would be wonderful to have my Vanquish there as well. I had also made the decision to have my Steinway moved from my old flat to the house in Wisborough.

My new permanent home.

I would get all my other belongings moved later but for now, I really wanted my piano where _I_ was. I figured I could convert the formal dining room to a music room, especially since the kitchen had a nicely sized eating area next to the large island. There was enough room at that table to seat eight and I'd never have more than that over. Ever.

My parents were very happy that I'd be staying in the country house. Not because they didn't want me around anymore but simply because they could see that I was much happier there. Which I think surprised me more than it did them. My personality was really much more suited to country life than the City. I just hadn't recognized it before now.

_Another_ item of interest that I wished I'd known before I'd gotten married; Kate was a Londoner through and through. I, apparently, was not. I sighed. _No point in going down that mental road, you git._

As I headed back to Wisborough, I thought over the story Alice had to tell me and I thought it was a rather uncanny one. Especially if you're like me and you don't really believe in coincidences. I don't know that I believe in the Fates of mythology either but my faith in what was meant to happen would happen had been shaken with what I had experienced the previous year. But this was… Extraordinary.

The person that found Gracie was actually my closest neighbor. That wasn't _so_ shocking, since Gracie wasn't the kind of dog to suddenly decide to run away. It was more likely she had just wanted to explore a bit and therefore wouldn't have gone very far.

The really hard to swallow part was that Alice also told me that my neighbor was the gorgeous and mysterious walker from months previous.

When she'd stopped walking along the back fence, Gracie was apparently quite put out. When I'd left the back patio door open that one fateful Saturday eve, she must have gotten a whiff of Isabella's scent and gone after her, since she lived so close.

Alice had gotten a call from her after she had visited the vet to try and figure out who Gracie belonged to, since it was obvious to her that she definitely belonged to someone and was well cared for and loved. For her to even discern this, to pay enough attention to Gracie to notice, let alone explain all of this to Alice told me that she was a compassionate and caring individual.

Also, the fact that she went so far out of her way to find Gracie's owner, said quite a bit about her character. Then there was the fact that she could have just kept her but she's also obviously a very honest person.

Beauty, compassion and honesty. Quite the combination.

From what Alice told me of their conversation, she was also a bit of a spitfire. No small feat to get Alice's attention and keep it.

I thought back over my assessment of this enigma of a girl—well, woman really—while I'd watched her pace my back fence.

Remembering her wavy chestnut hair. Her slender build…

Before I knew what I was doing exactly I already had Isabella's number dialed and it was ringing. Someone answered with a quick but questioning 'hello.'

"Hello. This is Edward Cullen and I believe you have my dog?" I stated quietly, smiling to myself, waiting for her to respond. Time ticked by and I wondered if I'd made a mistake with my opening. I'm fairly certain that it was the longest thirty seconds I'd ever lived through.

"Um, yes. Yes! Hi Edward. I'm Isabella Swan. Yes, I've got Gracie here for you. I guess I'm your neighbor, too, right?"

I heard a slight giggle escape from her on the last part. What an endearing sound… Oh! She's waiting for a response.

"Yeah, I guess we _are_ neighbors. That'll make the visitations easier I suppose." I teased her.

"Visitations? I don't…" She sounded confused. Oops. Good job Cullen. Freak her out before you've even officially met her.

"Well, yes… The thing is, Isabella, that I'm sure you've grown a bit attached to Gracie, since she's such a wonderful animal, and I wouldn't want you to think of me as an ogre so… I figured you could visit her some time…" She still sounded confused. "Or, I could bring her by your place to see you?" I sounded kind of pathetic by this point. Why the hell was I so nervous?

Oh wait. I knew why. Because her voice was alluring and slightly deeper than her tiny frame would indicate. Her giggle was enchanting.

"Oh! Oh, I see. Why, yes, that would be great! That's really, really generous of you, especially since she is _your_ dog. Oh and… Please, call me Bella."

Ahhh. Bella… What a perfect epithet for her. Italian for beautiful. Wait, what? She wants me to call her by a more informal designation of her name? "Well, you've done me a great favor in taking care of her over the last few weeks. What do I owe you for food and what not? I should pay you…"

She cut me off rather brusquely. "You will do no such thing. It's been beyond a pleasure having her here with me. You have the most well behaved and simply the _sweetest_ dog I've ever seen. I should pay _you_ rental fees for allowing me to watch her!"

Her fiery response and heartfelt description of Gracie was just too much. I barked off a laugh. "Ah, well, alright then. I can't really argue with you there. She is a most wonderful animal. I've really missed her." I gave a sad sigh before I could catch myself. Why oh _why_ was I opening up to this stranger like this? Huh. Yeah… Because she didn't feel like a stranger to me in any way, that's why.

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I hope… I hope you're feeling better?" She said this tentatively, as a question. Which, honestly, made perfect sense. I knew that Alice hadn't said a thing about what had happened to me. About why I'd basically gone off the deep end from losing a pet. Of course, I knew it went much, much deeper than that. But no. I wasn't ready to get into all that. At least, not yet. _What?_ I sighed at myself.

"Yes. I am. Look, I can't really talk about that right at the moment. But… I'd like to tell you about it at some point, just… Not yet. I hope that's alright." I heard myself say. Holy. Crap.

I waited with bated breath for her response to my cryptic answer to her question.

"Oh. Yes. Of course." She grew rather quiet. Then I heard her take a deep breath. "Edward?"

The way she'd just said my name had my body reacting in an unfamiliar way. Pleasant… _Intoxicating_…

"Yes Bella?" God. Me saying _her_ name felt slightly erotic. I couldn't stop from rolling my eyes at myself.

"I just want you to know… That you don't owe me _anything_. But, when you're ready to talk I'll be here, willing to listen. I… I completely understand your reluctance in sharing an obviously very personal story with a total stranger. I'm a very private person too… So… I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

There was a stunned silence that stretched out between us. We were both feeling it. I could tell. The intense pull towards the other. As if, the last few weeks were just some preliminary thing and that we were…

What? _Meant_ to meet? _Meant_ to become friends?

Yes. That's exactly how I was feeling at that exact moment.

"Bella, thank you. Thank you for telling me that. Thank you for caring for Gracie when… I was unable." I paused but not long enough for her to respond. "Why don't you hang on to Gracie for another week or so? I have lots of things coming to the house and I don't want her to feel ill at ease while there's lots of commotion going on here. Would that be alright?"

"Oh! Um, sure. What are going to be doing? Remodeling or something?" She sounded so cute when she was curious… I gave an involuntary chuckle.

"No, not remodeling. My mother would kill me if I changed anything with the layout. She did most of the design and decorating herself. No, I'm moving into our family's country home permanently. I've decided to leave London. So, I'll be clearing out my flat and moving some things down over the next couple of weeks."

"Oh! Wow. Well, if you need help with anything, please let me know, won't you? I know we haven't actually met but I sort-of feel like we're connected through Gracie as friends now… If that makes sense…" _She_ sounded nervous now. I had to smile.

"Actually, it does make sense. I'm… I feel the same way, Bella. And, really, I am so thankful that Gracie found you. I'm not sure what would have happened if she hadn't. If I haven't said it before now, thank you. I am enormously grateful." I stated softly.

We listened to each other's breathing for several more very long seconds. I don't think either of us knew what to say… I decided to be a gentleman and let her off the hook. "Well, I guess I'd better go. You probably have things to do yourself, I'd imagine."

"Yeah, I suppose I do…" She sounded sad. I wondered why. My response was made completely on reflex.

"Bella, why don't you call me whenever you'd like? I'll be coming and going but I've always got my cell on me. You can give me updates on Gracie." I smiled again.

"That sounds great. I'd love to do that. I'll take pictures too!" She sounded happy again. I was glad. I wanted to make her happy. _This was getting rather peculiar. Getting? Yeah. Right. This is completely crazy…_

"O.k., well, I'll look forward to your calls and picture messages then."

We both laughed and said our final goodbyes.

Over the next three weeks or so, I tried so hard not to think about that telephone conversation. Every time I'd manage to get her voice out of my head, she'd call and obliterate my reasoning for trying to get her out of my head in the first place.

I _wanted_ to talk to her.

All the time.

The only reason I tried not to think of her was because I was nervous about what was happening between us. Then I'd hear her voice and have this calming sensation move throughout my body. Lately I was more at peace after getting off the phone with Bella than I was after leaving my therapist's office.

I stopped seeing my therapist after that first week.

We'd talk for sometimes only a few minutes but for many of our calls, we'd end up talking for several hours. When we weren't talking to each other we were sending picture messages back and forth.

One particularly unforgettable one I'd gotten from Bella involved Gracie encountering her first slice of lemon. Apparently, Bella knew how to cook and had been fixing some salmon with lemon slices when she'd accidentally dropped one. Gracie fit her name to a 'T.' She was almost more proper than I was. But she was a dog. Something dropped on the floor automatically made it hers. But she hadn't counted on something so… Sour. That photo was now printed out and in a frame on my home office desk. I loved it.

I sent her a funny picture of one of the moving vans that had brought some pieces of my furniture down, trying to maneuver up the driveway. She then called me and told me about the two blokes that had brought some of her furniture purchases from one of the antique shops in Petworth to her cottage. We'd decided that it was too bad she didn't have pictures of _that_. Driving through Petworth was interesting in a normal sized car. I couldn't imagine what it had been like for the lorry driver.

In between our fun with photos we discussed books, art, music… Endlessly music. She was very well versed even though she didn't play an instrument herself. I hadn't told her that I played. I therefore certainly hadn't told her that I played professionally.

For some reason, we still hadn't gotten around to what we each did for a 'living.' Discovering that she had quickly become friends with Alice after their first conversation about Gracie told me that she probably already knew that I was of independent financial means.

I wasn't concerned about her friendship with Alice since I knew that she would never tell Bella anything about my… Past. I also knew that Bella and I were keeping our friendship to ourselves. I knew this because if she had told Alice that we were conversing on a regular basis, Alice would have already called me and tried to press me for details.

I was glad that Bella was keeping our friendship between just us. We truly were both very private people. But I was also glad because it was keeping it special. Unique. Just… Ours. Well, and Gracie's too.

On the financial front, I guessed she was the same as me. She didn't seem to be on any set schedule and seemed to come and go as she pleased. She did mention that she was always making notes and writing thoughts down in a journal. With her varied knowledge of writing styles and her very specific tastes in books, I wondered if perhaps she was a writer… That gave me an idea for her Christmas present.

We spent some our evenings on the phone talking about her hometown of Forks and her years spent in Chicago, as well as about some of my university adventures with Jasper and Emmett. She'd met Jasper but of course hadn't met Emmett yet.

Wait. _What?_ She hadn't met Emmett _yet_. Hummm. That thought was… Appealing. What was happening to me? Honestly by this point I couldn't imagine, even for a mere second, not speaking to her every single day.

I knew, even at this very early stage in our friendship, that the thought of her not being in my life was… Extremely distressing.

I thought again on all that she had told me so far about her decision to come to the south of England. I was fairly certain that there must be more to it than what she'd previously disclosed to me but I didn't press her.

I did wonder however if she missed her friends and family. If she missed what I would consider her 'real' home. Most Americans loved to visit England but had no desire to stay indefinitely. But she seemed to be… Different in that regard. She was always surprising me. Her reactions to things were fascinating to me.

I knew I was running out of excuses to not officially meet her. I was nervous about it but unsure exactly why. Was it because things were so easy with her over the phone, that I worried that something would change irrevocably with our meeting? I doubted that was it… We got along so well and had very similar positions on so many things. When we didn't agree, we were both considerate of the other's opinion and I enjoyed listening to her impassioned views and beliefs.

We were more than friends by this point, weren't we? I hadn't been too sure about it until she'd informed me of her most recent adventure with my sister.

And my rather surprising physical reaction to it.

She had told me that she'd actually gone shopping with Alice. Poor girl. I could tell she wasn't a shopper from how she tried to deflect the conversation every time I asked her how it went. After my third try I just laughed at her. "You don't like to go shopping, do you? I bet shopping with Alice was a real eye-opening experience!"

"No. I don't. Especially when she made me look at about twenty cocktail dresses. Ugh." She huffed.

I sat up a little straighter on my couch. Bella in a cocktail dress… A black, slinky dress of any kind… For a split second, I'd made a slight growling sound low in my throat. I felt my eyes grow very, very wide. I realized that she had continued with the conversation while I'd been dazed from what she'd said and how I'd reacted. She must not have heard me. _Thank God._

"… I don't even know why she wanted me to try them on. She said it would be 'fun.' Whatever. I did however, find a really cool bookstore… Oh! I'm sorry Edward. I've got to go! I forgot I was going to help out down at the Village Hall tonight for Women's Institute. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She suddenly sounded very rushed.

"No problem. Yeah, we'll talk tomorrow. Good night Bella. Drive safe—it's really icy out there tonight." She thanked me and promised me that she would be careful.

I'd actually been able to see her in my mind's eye put the quotation marks around the word 'fun' when she'd said it. I chuckled to myself and shook my head thinking of her. I thought again about what she'd said about her trying on different dresses…

As I'd flipped through pictures of Bella in different dresses in my head, I could feel heat suddenly spread across my cheeks. My thoughts of Bella had been rather inappropriate in my dreams the last week or so but this was the first time I'd consciously pictured her in something other than jeans and a t-shirt while I was awake.

There was no doubt she was beautiful. She was also very thoughtful, honest, extremely intelligent, unselfish, curious, mischievous, fun-loving, she had a very dry but sarcastic sense of humor, she was endlessly cheerful… She was complicated and interesting. Quite simply, she was perfect.

Holy. Crap.

I could hear my stereo in the background… As I took note of what was playing, it was a particularly spot on Coldplay song, 'Shiver.'

What if she doesn't have any interest in me… That way? She hadn't even met me in person yet. What if I was too tall? Too lanky? Maybe she liked guys that were built more like Emmett… Maybe I was reading too much into our conversations. I sighed and then had a much more ominous thought.

Perhaps I had been wrong and she _was_ planning on heading back to the States at some point… At that thought my chest immediately began to feel like someone had put a crushing weight on it. My breathing felt restricted and I wondered if I was having a panic attack… _What the hell?_ And then it dawned on me.

Crap, crap, crap.

I was falling in love with Isabella Swan.

And I was terrified as to what to do about it.

Crap indeed.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: _****_Don't you just LOVE Edward? *sigh* Now show this sad little writer some love and hit that review button! Pretty please with sugar and chocolate and strawberries and whatever else you want on top! ;)_**


	9. Curiosity Doesn't Affect Dogs

**_A/N: O.k., sorry… Another short one. This coming Sunday will prove to be a rather big reveal, however…_**

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit... _**

* * *

><p>I'd just finished cleaning the kitchen and getting Gracie's dinner for her when my cell phone rang. Luckily I didn't have any goop on my hands when I picked it up. I answered it a little breathlessly.<p>

"Hello?" I _sounded_ breathless. Not what I was going for.

Then I heard _his_ voice. Edward Cullen. Oh. My. Now I really _was_ breathless. He had an absolutely dreamy voice. No. I mean literally. It was dream inducing it was so smooth, almost… Velvety. Not necessarily super deep. Certainly not high like his sister's but musical like hers. Just… Well, perfect. I was completely and totally mesmerized by his tone.

I realized that I hadn't responded to his inquiry about Gracie. "Um, yes. Yes! Hi Edward. I'm Isabella Swan. Yes, I've got Gracie here for you. I guess I'm your neighbor, too, right?" I giggled. I couldn't help it. I felt like a 16 year old girl with her first major crush. Well, yeah. I'm embarrassed now for sure.

He'd responded with something about visitation… _What? Was Gracie in doggie prison? Was I under quarantine? _

His response was actually nervous sounding. Interesting. I felt a little more back in control of myself now.

"Oh! Oh, I see. Why, yes, that would be great! That's really, really generous of you, especially since she is _your_ dog. Oh and… Please, call me Bella." What the… I never tell people to call me Bella. My dad did. Jake had. Angela did. Now apparently I was asking an almost total stranger to call me by a very personal nickname.

I was a little annoyed with myself by this point, so when Edward offered to _pay me_ for all that I had done for Gracie my temper sparked. After all, I hadn't been taking care of her because it was some kind of duty or something, I loved having her with me. Even if I knew in my heart it was only going to be temporarily.

"You will do no such thing. It's been beyond a pleasure having her here with me. You have the most well behaved and simply the _sweetest_ dog I've ever seen. I should pay you rental fees for allowing me to watch her!"

See? I can control my temper. Somewhat. I ended my little rant on a positive note, at least. To the point that he chuckled and then… He sounded so sad when he'd talked about missing her. _Wrong!_ My heart screamed. There is just no way that a voice like that should _ever_ be sad. My next words just flowed out of me.

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I hope… I hope you're feeling better?" I knew I sounded tentative. After it left my lips, I didn't really know if I had the right to ask that question.

And then he answered me in a very heartfelt way. I was stunned. I wasn't used to men being forthcoming with their feelings. I was used to my dad and Jacob. Laugh it off. Don't let anyone see your pain. Not Edward. He actually sounded apologetic that he wasn't answering my question directly right now.

"Oh. Yes. Of course." I took a deep breath. "Edward?" I asked shyly. I thought I'd gotten over all my shyness after the divorce… This should prove to be either entertaining or heart-stopping.

"Yes Bella?" Holy freaking cow. Hearing him say my name like that, all concerned and intense, was doing weird things to my heart rate… It felt suddenly staccato. But there was something I needed to tell him, to explain. It was something I'd actually said to Alice but now I apparently was going to have the opportunity to tell him myself.

"I just want you to know… That you don't owe me _anything_. But, when you're ready to talk I'll be here, willing to listen. I… I completely understand your reluctance in sharing an obviously very personal story with a total stranger. I'm a very private person too… So… I completely understand. I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

It was very quiet. I'd say almost too quiet but I could feel the connection between us. As if gravity was working sideways across the short distance that separated our homes to bring us closer together. As friends—if not something else. The only thing I knew for certain was that he could feel it too.

He generously thanked me. He apparently trusted me enough with Gracie to ask me to keep her for him for just a little while longer. I was curious about why… I couldn't help it. Apparently he was moving into his family's country home… Permanently. My heart gave a little jump in my chest and I got a bit twisted around because of my enthusiasm for him moving in as a permanent fixture right next door. To me. Be still my heart. No, really. Before I have a heart attack or something. Calm down in there!

To cover my excitement, I asked if he needed any help. His response was one of the sweetest sounding admissions I'd ever heard a man make to me. I didn't respond, I was too stunned.

When he took the initiative to end our phone call, I knew I sounded sad. Because I was. I didn't want to end our conversation, I was really, really enjoying speaking with him.

If he looked _anything_ like how he sounded… Holy. Cow.

And then he'd proved me right in my earlier assessment. He did feel it too—whatever was flowing between us, like the hum of electricity or even dry lightning. Powerful and beautiful. Dangerous. Instead of feeling warning bells going off in my head, I just felt a thrill go through my bones.

"Bella, why don't you call me whenever you'd like? I'll be coming and going but I've always got my cell on me. You can give me updates on Gracie."

"That sounds great. I'd love to do that. I'll take pictures too!" Um, yeah. I knew I sounded like the 16 year old again but I just didn't care.

After we'd hung up, I went to Gracie and told her all about my phone call with her 'daddy'. I brushed her hair. Twice.

I wanted to call Alice, Jasper, Angela, my dad. But I didn't. Instead I called Edward the next evening to see how his day had gone. We started sending each other picture messages. After a few days, we were talking on the phone several times a day, every day. Often for hours at a time.

I thought about telling Alice about Edward's and my new-found friendship but thought better of it. This budding comradeship was between us. It was ours. I knew he was a very private person and of course, so was I. It was nice to have one person to share just about anything with, that was yours and yours alone. I knew he hadn't said anything to his sister because if he had, she would have already called me and grilled me about what was going on between us. Not that even I had an answer to that one.

We talked and talked. And talked. About books, art, music. I absolutely loved our talks about books and music. He was really well versed in music theory and was not only aware but even into some really obscure artists. I was pretty sure he was a musician of some kind.

I knew he didn't really 'have' to work. But he still seemed to be rather disciplined. If I had to guess, I'd say he was a little too uptight as a child. He'd apparently learned how to take things easy as he'd gotten older but he still had high expectations for himself. He definitely had 'Type A' personality traits. Which was one of the reasons I found it so interesting that we got along so well. I mean, _amazingly_ well. As far as this kind of pop psychology went, I was definitely a 'Type B' personality. At least, with some things… Others, I was also really a 'Type A' too.

Edward's stories about his best friends were a riot. I hadn't laughed so hard in a long, long time. I got the feeling that Emmett was completely a 'Type B' personality. Jasper seemed like me—vacillating between the two depending on the situation.

Until I'd actually started thinking about asking him out, it hadn't dawned on me that we hadn't actually met each other. We'd spent so much time with each other, even if it was just over the phone, that I felt like we were best friends. He knew more about me by this point than even Angela did. Well, except for the whole 'wildly successful author' part…

I wanted to tell him but I needed to hear his story first. I knew we were getting there but I could sense that he wanted to meet me before he told me. Which I was fine with because it made complete sense to me. He wanted eye contact. And so did I.

I'd sent him a few pictures of Gracie and me, and of course I was pretty sure he'd seen me walking along his back fence all those months ago. I was beyond curious as to what he looked like and was a little put out that he hadn't sent me any pictures of himself. But I was too chicken to come out and ask him to send me a picture. Stupid, I know.

Even though I knew I was developing feelings for Edward, I had no idea where his head was at. I was pretty sure that his issue didn't have anything to do with his eminent demise. He obviously lived alone, except for Gracie of course. He was considerate, kind, strong willed, passionate, gentlemanly, super smart, emotionally mature, very funny—with that dry, English wit. He was independently wealthy, which honestly was nice to know but didn't matter to me. I had a job and my own financial plan that was working really well for me.

I needed to know if… If he had any feelings for me beyond friendship.

So, I decided to ask him to the St. Edmunds Day/Petworth Fair, which started the following Saturday, November 20. If we were just friends, we'd have a good time. If there was something more… We'd have a _really_ good time. Also, he hadn't seen Gracie in so long that I could tell from our last couple of conversations that he was starting to miss her terribly.

O.k. I'll admit it. Except for the Gracie part of that statement I sounded desperate. But I hadn't been on a date in… Years. So sue me for getting excited about someone as fantastic… No. As _perfect_ as Edward.

As I was getting ready for bed, hoping I'd dream about my version of Edward again, my cell rang. _Wow. It's late…_ I saw who it was and couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face.

"Hey Bella, um… Can you… Would you like to go with me to the Petworth Fair this Saturday?"

Obviously I didn't get a chance to ask him.

I had absolutely no problem with that little fact _at all_.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Feedback/reviews are gifts to be treasured. By me. As long as you actually send some… Pretty please?_**


	10. Developments

**_A/N: Ahhhh. This is my second fav Chap. Yeah, I know… It's my story! Shouldn't I love every part of it? Of course. But I still have my fav's… Chap 11, for instance… Oops! Let's not spoil that show. On with this one, folks!_**

* * *

><p>Amazingly it wasn't raining. However, it <em>was<em> bitterly cold. I had on my thermal undies, my dark blue skinny jeans, my favorite black cashmere turtleneck sweater and one of the only purchases I had made when I'd gone shopping with Alice. A pair of Stuart Weitzman fur-cuff, mid-calf black boots with some rather sexy, three-inch stiletto heels on them I might add. I wore my hair down and relatively wavy. I looked pretty darn good.

I of course had Gracie with me and I had her in a white doggy-coat. She looked pretty good herself.

She was right against my knee and I had her leash wrapped around my left arm and hand. The thought of possibly losing her in a crowd had given me nightmares the night before. Gah.

Edward had suggested that we meet at the carousel. It was the biggest ride in the square so it had been a good idea. Except I was already there and… I didn't know if he was or not. He knew basically what I looked like. That didn't seem very fair just now. I was a little irritated with myself that I hadn't just sucked it up and asked him for a photo or something. I just assumed I'd magically be able to tell who he was just because I felt like we were the very best of friends. I sighed.

"Bella?" _His_ voice—all velvety and smooth—was right behind me. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Do-or-die. Turn around and see what my fate would be. Somehow I just knew that he wouldn't be too old or terribly bad looking… Much, much more importantly, he would either be interested in something more with me or… Not.

I wanted to close my eyes and only open them once I had turned fully around. But I knew that would just be… weird. So I turned slowly, with my eyes glued to the ground. I decided to start at his feet.

He had on black leather boots—clean, simple, Gucci. I only knew this because Alice had pointed out these exact same boots to me a couple of weeks previous.

He had dark blue, almost black in fact, boot-cut jeans on that rode a bit low on his hips with a thick black leather belt in an embossed check pattern. He had a charcoal colored crew-neck sweater that was rather fitting and showed off his physique nicely. I could see that he obviously worked out—very lean but muscular. He must be a runner… Over that he had on an unzipped black down jacket. He had his hands stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans.

As I reached his face, I gasped. I couldn't help it. He was so… Handsome. He was actually almost beautiful—not a word I had equated to a man before now but if the shoe fits… He was actually stunning, really. His facial features appeared to me to be perfect and angular—slightly chiseled—high cheekbones, a strong jaw line, a fairly straight nose and very kissable lips, which were now partially parted. His hair, a sexy mess, was reddish brown—a sort-of bronze color. His eyebrows were slightly darker than his hair, which highlighted his eyes.

His eyes… A deep, vibrant green. I was doing my best to not stare but I soon noticed that I was looking _up_ into his eyes. He's definitely over 6 feet tall.

And then he smiled. Oh. My. God.

He had an endearing, happy smile. His teeth were flawlessly straight and white. When he smiled, there was a slight dimple that appeared in the middle of his chin. As I continued to look into his eyes, I noticed that he had just a bit of stubble around his jaw. Even his slightly-too long sideburns were sexy, for crying out loud.

_What_ had I gotten myself into! My late night musings and attempts to picture what he looked like were so far off the mark it was scary. He was too good looking for me. I was short, skinny and pale. Much, much too pale… I thought I'd fit in more here with my alabaster colored skin. Nope. I was even too pale for this place. And my hair was a very dark, _slightly_ reddish but still basically boring flat, brown. Too drastic. Crap. Crap. Crap!

Before I could start hyperventilating, I smiled back uncertainly. "Um. Yeah. Hi. You must be Edward…" I wasn't too sure if I would be able to stop myself from bolting.

He looked concerned. "Bella… Are you o.k.?" He immediately reached out for me, taking my forearms into his strong hands. Very long, graceful fingers… He plays piano. If he doesn't he should…

"Sure, sure. I'm just… Really cold, I think." I gave my little grin that I usually reserve for trying to get the point across to someone that I'm not amused. He smiled bigger at me—his entire face lit up. Oh well. Wasn't working on him. _Thank God. _I internally rolled my eyes at myself.

"Why don't we go to the pub? We'll get you a coffee." As he spoke he moved his right hand back into his pocket and his left hand… Oh goodness… His left hand went around my shoulders and he pulled me tightly into his side.

I started chanting to myself in my head: _Do not freak out… Do not freak out…_ He seemed totally oblivious to the stares of the other female fair goers. I wasn't, however. They were probably all wondering what this Greek god was doing with _me_. I know I was.

As we reached the pub doors, he carefully took Gracie's leash without losing eye contact with me. "O.k. beautiful. Why don't you head in to get a coffee to go, and I'll spend some quality time re-bonding with Gracie?" Another life altering smile thrown my way and I was ushered through the pub's door with a £10 pound note pressed into my hand while he waited outside with Gracie.

I was in a daze as I went up to the bar.

I could hear their radio in the background. There weren't many people in the pub this time of day. As I took note of what was playing, it was a particularly appropriate Coldplay song, 'Shiver.'

Yeah. Wonderful. 'I'll be waiting in a line…' … 'I want you to know that you'll always get your way…' I could totally identify with this song.

Before I ran my hands down my face in exasperation, I remembered that today at least I'd put some makeup on. Just some smoky eyeliner, a little mascara, and lip gloss. No big deal. But it wouldn't do to head back outside with it ruined. So, I stood at the bar, listening to the song end.

'And it's you I hear so loud and so clear.'

I couldn't say that he wasn't paying me any attention or that he didn't see me, however, as the next lines indicated. He was extremely attentive and he had not taken his eyes off of me once. Hummm.

I managed to get my wits about me enough to get the bartender's attention and order two coffee's to go. I knew better than to ask for it black. They don't do that here. I did ask for no sugar in mine and, as an afterthought, for his too. Just a feeling…

Putting my game face back on, I managed to get to the door without spilling any and as I tried to open it with our two coffees in my hands, Edward had apparently been looking out for me and opened the door just as I was reaching for it.

"Hey there, I was beginning to worry. Are you sure you're o.k.?" He really did look concerned. But there was something else in the depths of the green of his eyes. I just couldn't place it yet.

"Um, yeah. Thanks." I gave him a lopsided grin and had one eye squinted closed.

He let the pub's door close, moved Gracie from his left to his right side, and took the Styrofoam coffee cup I offered him from me.

As he took a sip, he squinted back at me. "Hey… No sugar. How'd you know?" He looked so cute, staring at me all surprised and squinty.

I giggled. "I took a wild guess."

He got a serious look on his face. "Thanks."

We stood there, staring at each other, sipping at our hot coffees for… Awhile. I decided to be the one to break the impasse this time.

"Well, are you gonna show me around this crazy carnival or what?" I gave him my cutest huff. He let out a loud bark of a laugh.

"Impetuous little thing, aren't you?" He shook his head at me and shot me another one of his dazzlingly-bright smiles. "Well, let's check out the booths. There's usually some cool stuff to win. Well, buy…"

He decided to try his hand at the ball and cans display. You know the one. See if you're man can knock down the tower of aluminum cans with a baseball? In this case, it was a cricket ball but you get the idea.

He ended up spending £30 pounds (about $50 dollars) on a stuffed giraffe for me because I'd never seen one before—As a stuffed animal that is. Because I'd basically made that comment out loud, he asked me if I'd ever been to Africa and seen a giraffe in the wild. We then spent the next hour or so talking about places we both wanted to see and travel to.

As we walked around the fair talking and laughing, we would take turns holding Gracie's leash. He carefully chased me around the carousel with her once—I think he realized that I wasn't used to being in high heels. We both flirted a little bit. Well, honestly, we flirted a lot. Even Gracie was having a good time. I was _really_ having a wonderful time but…

"Sooo, do you want to continue to freeze our butts off out here or should we find something else to do for the rest of the afternoon?" I gave him my best and biggest smile, sans the squint.

He laughed and… Gracie barked. I was so shocked I almost dropped my giraffe. We both stared at her and started to laugh together.

His laughter slowed but his face still held that breathtaking smile of his. "Well, I'm pretty sure that means 'let's go home.' Since this was supposed to be our first official date, how about I take Gracie back to my house and give you the grand tour? After we've warmed up a bit, then maybe we can go to the Cricketers or something for an early dinner?" He asks me this as if there was any possibility for me to say anything but yes. Silly man.

"Sure. That's sounds great. I'll follow you." _Holy molly and a bowl of rice._ I just caught on that he'd said this was a date. Well, I suppose it was. Maybe he did like me as more than a good friend…

As I turned to go, pulling my keys from my front pocket as I did so, I felt the sudden emptiness of not having Gracie at my side. I also felt the absence of _him_. It almost… Hurt. Worse than it should. I wondered why that was.

He seemed to feel it too because as we walked to the village parking lot, he reached around my waist to pull me playfully into his side. He placed his chin on my head and I tell you what—I'm absolutely _sure_ I heard him take a deep breath as if to take in the scent of my hair. Holy. Toledo.

Not only that but the intense attraction I'd felt when we'd first starting conversing on the phone was there, like an electrical current between us. I tried to ignore it and wondered if he'd even noticed it.

It did _not_ go unnoticed, by me at least, that I fit almost perfectly into him. If I'd worn more 'normal' shoes, I _would_ have fit absolutely perfectly into his side. It was bewildering, his sudden and tight hold on me—and I'm not talking literally, even though he _was_ holding me to his side fairly securely—no, I mean the emotional ties that were binding us together, that had started with practically hundreds of wonderful conversations over the telephone.

I had thought he was perfect before. Now I _knew_. Meeting someone like this had not exactly been in my plans for the future. In fact, I'd had no plans to meet _anyone_, let alone someone like Edward.

He was beyond gorgeous. He couldn't possibly be really interested in me, could he? What if he was? What in the world was I going to do about it?

I had no idea.

There was one thing I had an all too good of an idea about, however.

I was falling in love with him.

Rapidly and unconditionally.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Yep. They've fallen in love with each other. THANK GOD. Can't imagine writing a BxE story where they aren't! But they each don't know where the other stands exactly… However, this is just the beginning of their ride, folks. Hang on to your butts (Jurassic Park movie fans—unite)! _**

**_Please REVIEW and tell me your fav scene from this awesome movie! Available on Blu-ray October 25—Chee-Ya! And, yes. I'm a movie geek too. Your point?... Oh yeah, and tell me what you think of this Chap, story, my writing... You get the idea. Please review! ;)_**


	11. Finding Happiness

**_A/N: One. Of. My. Favorite. Chapters. Just sayin'… As an aside, there won't be a lot of before-A/N's from this point on. I don't believe in giving 'clues' or 'explaining' much in my A/N's. You don't get that kind of thing in "real" stories, so why should we get them here in FanFic? I only ask that if you have questions or require clarification on some point or other about the story, that you either PM me or review. I will respond. _**

**_**_REMINDER: I have friends outside of the cyber-world that I use as my sounding boards, opinion-nators, and almost-editors. Basically this means that my Chaps are un-beta'd. You've been forewarned..._**_**

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

* * *

><p>As we drove back towards our respective homes, I stared over at Gracie every few minutes. Edward had placed her in the front seat of my car, saying that I might want to spend a bit more time with her since he had wanted her to spend the night with him that evening. He'd said that everything was finished that he'd wanted done at the house. However, he thought we'd ease her into the transition slowly—I'd have her back at my place for tomorrow night.<p>

Honestly I was relieved. I had no idea how I was going to handle not having her with me anymore. I pushed that thought away, not willing to ruin our 'first date' with worrying about it.

But Gracie… Somehow she knew there was something happening between Edward and me. And she apparently approved. She'd look at me and pant a little bit, then loll her tongue out the side of her mouth and whine in a happy tone.

I was really going to miss her.

I followed him right up into his drive as he parked his Land Rover Freelander right next to an exquisitely sleek black vehicle that was already in his two car garage. As we walked to the front door, I asked him about it but he just shook it off. He seemed nervous all of a sudden.

When he opened the door, I was teasing him about living in such a large 'country estate' all by himself and in my usual self-depreciating wit, compared my cottage to his garage. He was teasing me back, saying how he feared for Gracie's psyche after living in such tiny quarters.

We were laughing together as he ushered me into his home, and I suddenly felt the warmth of his open hand at the small of my back. It was intimate and very… Nice.

He unexpectedly leaned down towards my ear. "I'm only teasing you about your cottage. From the little bit I can see of it from the road, it looks like a really nice place." I murmured a thank you and told him I'd taken no offense. "Thank God!" He exclaimed. We both began to laugh.

Our laughter died down a bit and he excused himself with Gracie by his side to get her some late lunch and us some tea. I didn't know if he intended for me to follow him or not so I didn't. I decided to take this as my opportunity to check out a little bit of his home for myself.

He had taken a left from off the foyer, so I assumed that hallway led to the kitchen. I slowly walked through the foyer heading straight ahead, into a large living room. I removed my boots and placed them off to the side next to a large leather arm chair. As I stood up from depositing my boots, I took note of the room.

It was very tastefully decorated. All the fabric and carpets were in whites and light beiges but all the wood furniture was dark. To the right was a massive stone fireplace, in a very light-colored stone. There were white French doors at the back of the room heading out into the very nicely manicured back yard that I had been so intrigued by. When was that? Several months ago? Years ago? I wasn't sure. We'd become so close over the last few weeks that my time before _him_ was becoming blurred. I almost paused on that thought but shrugged at myself and kept walking around.

Through a very large archway to the left of the living room and directly across from the fireplace, was probably what was once the formal dining room. It looked big enough that it could have held a table and chairs to seat twelve. However, it now held a gorgeous grand piano in a deep rosewood color. The top was up and there was sheet music strewn across the stand above the keys.

I stopped myself from going and sitting at the piano—it would have felt like I was intruding on something private. Instead, I walked around the perimeter of the room to look at all the black and white photos that were hung in neat vertical rows. They were all of his family, people that I assumed were his friends, and of course, Gracie. I wondered if he had taken them or if someone in his family was into photography.

As I reached the French doors that were identical to the ones in the family room and even on the same back wall, I gently moved the heavy white silk curtains and sheers to the side so I could peak out into the back yard again. It was still a little cloudy but it had gotten a lot windier. I unconsciously wrapped the hand and arm that wasn't clinging to the curtains stiffly around my middle.

As I stood and watched the wind blow through his garden, I thought over all the personal and touching conversations we'd had. He was thoughtful, intelligent, and kind.

I now knew that he was also very, very attractive. I was so relieved that I hadn't seen him before we started conversing with each other. If I had known about his incredible good looks before, I never would have talked to him in the first place—I would have felt too self-conscious and never been able to open up to him as I had. Jacob had not been unattractive in _any_ way but this was… Different. Edward was different.

And it wasn't that I thought I was ugly or anything like that, I just wasn't… A model. I was relatively pretty but he was… Wow.

However, I was really falling in love with _him_—his humor—even his masculinity—his _essence_—just _him_. How he looked wasn't really the point. It was nice but it wasn't related to how our relationship had grown, which had been with conversation and camaraderie.

But I didn't know what he thought about _me_. We had become so close. I knew he enjoyed talking to me—immensely. He respected my opinions. He appreciated my sense of humor. I wondered suddenly if he trusted me. We had yet to revisit why I had ended up with Gracie in the first place and I was afraid to ask—I didn't want to break the spell.

As I stared out into the back garden, the wind died down for just a moment and there was enough quiet in the room that I could hear his grandfather clock and then… His breathing at the entryway to the music room. I turned my head back slightly and saw him leaning against the opening to the room with his arms crossed loosely over his chest, his head slightly tilted to one side and one ankle crossed in front of the other. He was the picture of ease.

"Bella, I've been standing here, watching you stare out into the back garden, unmoving, for over five minutes. You look like you're trying to solve the world's biggest math problem." He'd spoken very softly, with a slight smile playing across his face.

I still hadn't removed my hand from the curtains. He quietly padded over to me in his now shoeless feet, standing behind me while he gently loosened my grip on them and removed my other hand from around my body. He held my hands in his and moved both his arms tightly around my waist, pressing my back to his stomach and chest, while placing both my arms and hands tenderly between his around my middle.

_I should be afraid—_I thought. Realistically, I should at least feel _apprehensive_ that he was entering my personal space this way when we'd really only just 'met.' But I wasn't. I felt strangely calm and intoxicated.

Apparently, he did have feelings for me beyond our sudden and deep friendship.

He placed his head next to mine, with his chin a hairsbreadth away from my temple and stared out at the back fence along with me. "Please. Talk to me." He was whispering. He turned his head slightly, brushing his slightly open mouth to the side of my forehead as he continued to speak. "I think I know what you're thinking." He caressed my forehead with his lips and they felt slightly damp, as if he had just run his tongue quickly along them. "I now need to tell you why you ended up caring for Gracie, don't I?" I felt his breath against my temple and cheek, and he kissed my suddenly heated skin with barely any pressure.

I knew if I tried to answer him audibly, my voice would give away my want for him. I just nodded my head against his chest.

He held me like that, with his lips pressed lightly against my temple, for several minutes. He began to hum a tune I didn't recognize and swayed us back and forth a little bit. Several more minutes passed like this until he stopped our swaying and held me tighter for just a moment. Then he spoke.

"I need to tell you something first, Isabella." I felt him swallow deeply. _I should feel nervous. _But I didn't. I just couldn't bring myself to be concerned with his behavior because it felt so… Right.

I closed my eyes awaiting his verdict on our relationship because that's exactly what he was doing. I knew whatever he was about to say would either save me… Or break me. This was so much more powerful than anything I'd ever felt before. Even with Jacob.

He spoke so softly, so quietly, that if I hadn't been listening so intently to him, to his breathing, the rustle of our clothing, I wouldn't have been able to hear him.

"I've fallen in love with you."

I felt my stomach and my female bits tighten and quiver for a split second, followed by a jolt that went through me all the way down to my toes, and then the muscles in my hands involuntarily squeezed his arms.

As I sucked a small breath in suddenly, I let it out slowly as I replied to his admission.

"I've fallen in love with you too, Edward." I whispered as quietly as I could.

I felt him pull me ever tighter against his body for a split second before he let go of my arms and hands, gripping my shoulders instead and masterfully rotated me slowly around to face him.

He was so beautiful it almost hurt to look into his face. His eyes… The depth they held within them was simply awe inspiring.

He was still holding my shoulders and as he spoke, he very slowly and lightly, like a feather, ran his fingers down my arms until he reached my hands to hold them warmly in his. "Your eyes… They're the deepest, warmest, most expressive brown, like pools of chocolate, that I have ever looked into."

There were no words. But I tried anyway. "That was the nicest, most romantic thing anyone has ever said about me." I felt the tears fall, leaving little hot trails down my cheeks.

He gathered up both of my hands into one of his and reached up with his free hand to slowly, lovingly brush the tears from my face, finally resting his fingers along my cheekbone with his thumb lightly rubbing my bottom lip.

"So incredibly beautiful…" He looked from my mouth back up to my eyes as if deciding where to take our relationship next. And it really was completely up to him.

I was already irrevocably lost.

I wanted him so badly it was irrational. We'd known each other for a total of _one month_. This just wasn't possible. Was it?

Human beings had been singing, writing, talking, and fighting over 'love at first sight' for thousands upon thousands of years. Was it possible for me?

Yes.

I didn't know, I wasn't _sure_ how things were going to work out between us in the end but I was absolutely certain that I wanted to take this chance with Edward. I pulled my hands from his grasp and reached up to touch his face with the pads of my fingers. I brushed them up and around his eyes, down along his cheekbones and back down to rest on his lips.

"There are things you need to tell me. There are also things that I need to divulge to you. This…" I took one of my hands from his face and waved it slowly back and forth between us before placing it back against his lips. "Whatever is happening, can't move forward until we each know certain things about our pasts."

His brow furrowed but he nodded in acceptance.

He brought his hands up to his own face and took mine into his again as he walked slowly backwards out of the music room, pulling me back towards the living room. He gave a small jerk of his head towards the piano. "That's what I do, even if it's not exactly for a living. I compose music and I'm by profession a classical pianist." He gave me a lovely little crooked smile. "There's one mystery solved."

"I'm a relatively successful author." I blurted out.

He just laughed and shook his head. "This isn't a 'tit-for-tat' session, Bella. You can tell me things in your own way and time."

As he reached the largest sofa, I noticed that Gracie had fallen asleep in a large burgundy-colored doggie bed by one of the ottomans. She was curled up ever so cozily and I couldn't help but smile.

"What are you grinning about?" He asked me, with a smile in his voice.

I sighed. "Gracie. She's just so… Wonderful. I'll miss her so much…"

As he sat us gracefully down he placed one hand on my neck, brushing my hair back away from my face as he did so. We were sitting slightly facing each other with our knees touching.

"You don't have to miss her, you know. You live right next door to me. You can see her… Hell, you can have her stay with you, any time you want her to." He smiled warmly at me while rubbing circles into my neck with his long, strong fingers. I closed my eyes and hummed a little bit.

His other hand had drifted to one of my knees, gently resting there. I leaned backwards, almost lying down against the cushions that were by the arm of the couch I was closest to and for a split second, I thought he was going to follow me down. But he didn't—he is a gentleman, after all. I stifled a giggle.

Instead he moved my legs up onto the couch as well, straightening them out next to him as he leaned back against the opposite arm and cushions, stretching his much longer legs out next to mine.

"Oops. Hold on a sec. It's going to get pretty cold in here in a bit." As he spoke he got up from the couch, just as graceful as ever, to start a fire in the fireplace. He then went to the kitchen and got us some bottles of water, setting them down fastidiously on coasters on the coffee table next to us. He had also grabbed several blankets off two of the large leather chairs that were situated by the soon to be roaring fire.

He came back to the couch and sat in the same position he'd been in before, while handing me a blanket and keeping one for himself. He then placed his left hand on top of my feet and began rubbing circles against the bottom of one sock-covered foot with his thumb. He moved his other arm behind his head and began his story.

By the time he was finished I was crying openly.

"Oh, Edward…" I didn't want to pity him. Pity would imply that I was sorry about what was happening between us. And that thought couldn't be farther from the truth. "I hope you know how much I appreciate you telling me all of that, and opening yourself up to me."

As I'd spoken I leaned forward at the waist and pressed both of my hands onto his shins, wrapping my fingers as best I could around his legs, which honestly wasn't much. I had small hands and he had… Really nice legs. However, I also looked into his eyes as deeply as I could manage.

He leaned forward and rubbed my forearms. "Thank you. I'm so relieved to finally be able to tell you."

We smiled at each other and something abruptly shifted between us. That hum of electricity was back. In full force. He most _definitely_ felt it this time. His eyes appeared to become a little darker and he increased his grip on my arms and began pulling me towards him. He was strong enough that he managed to almost pull me completely into his lap.

I changed my position so I was curled up sitting on his thighs and had wrapped my arms and hands around his neck. His hands were resting on my hips by this point. We stared into each other's eyes for… Minutes? Hours? I had no idea. But for some strange reason, even with the electricity humming and almost audibly crackling around us, neither of us moved any closer to each other. Of course, our faces were only about five inches apart by this point but we couldn't stop staring into each other's eyes.

However, my breathing started to become slightly louder, more erratic. I knew I was seconds from crashing my mouth against his… He felt the emotional shift I had made and brought his right hand up from my hip to tenderly grab the back of my head. He wove his fingers into the hair at the back of my neck and spoke to me in a rough, deep voice.

"Bella, I want you so, so much right now. But I can't… No, I _won't_ take advantage of you like this. I didn't tell you about my past to get you to be… Physical with me. I did it to open myself up to you in a way I never have with another person. _Not even Kate._ I need this friendship… I need _you_ too badly to ruin it by having… Sex… Too soon."

He swallowed. Loudly. "Also, I… I was raised very, very traditionally. I couldn't… Wouldn't make love to you before we were joined spiritually." He closed his eyes and I could tell he was embarrassed. "I know that's rather old-fashioned but it's what I believe is right. I'm so sorry." He didn't open them again.

I leaned away from him slightly and his eyes snapped open in fear. I reached up with my hands and placed them on either side of his face. "It's alright, Edward. You're right. It would be too soon… I need… I have to tell you some things too. Can I do that? Can I tell you about what has happened with me?"

He swallowed again and nodded his head. I saw him fight to keep his eyes off of my lips but he couldn't help himself. "May I… May I kiss you first, Isabella? I promise to be gentlemanly."

I stifled a giggle. "Yes." My voice cracked slightly and a small smile played across his lips. He moved his other hand from my hip to caress my face. He leaned forward, pulling me towards him very, very slowly, never taking his eyes off of mine. At the very last second, he looked down at my lips.

As he kissed me, I swear on everything that is holy that I saw stars. It was… Exquisite. Like nothing, _nothing_ I had ever experienced. The hand that was threaded through my hair gripped the back of my head and he deepened our kiss. It was so… Intense. Lovely.

When we broke apart for some much needed air, I heard a surprised intake of breath from him. We rested our foreheads together. "That was… Wow." He sounded awed. He was now breathing as heavy I was.

"I know what you mean. Wow. That was truly… Wow." I leaned towards him and lightly kissed the tip of his nose before leaning back away from him. "Edward, I am certain that was the most passionate kiss anyone has _ever_ given me."

I released his neck and carefully sat up to head back to my previous location on the couch, so I wouldn't be sitting in his lap as I told him my story.

He apparently didn't agree with this plan. As he gripped my hips again and repositioned me back into his lap but sideways this time, he shook his head. "No. I don't want you so far away again. It's alright. Please sit here with me."

I was now facing the fireplace, with his body still leaning against the arm of the couch and mine towards the back. He had his left hand in the space that was between the couch and my body, slowly rubbing circles against my spine. His other hand was holding both of mine in my lap.

The way he had me sitting would make it so that he could see my face, but I didn't think I could look into his eyes while I told him about _my_ past. I stared down at our enjoined hands instead.

As I ended my sad tale with how, until Gracie, I had been so looking forward to being completely and utterly alone at my cottage, I met his eyes. There were tears in mine and his had a look of incredible sadness.

"Bella… That's truly horrible." He lifted our hands to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. "Well, not the part about Gracie because she's what brought us together." His smile faded. "But I hope you don't still want to remain alone."

I leaned forward slightly and rubbed my nose with his. "No, of _course_ I don't. Not anymore." I leaned back against the couch once more and allowed a sigh to escape. He began to fidget slightly underneath me.

"I'm not absolutely sure how to explain…" He looked into my eyes, as if he was gauging whether or not he could really say what was in his heart. I gently smiled to encourage him to tell me whatever he wanted to, murmuring my support and my love for him. I saw his resolve form as he decided to tell me what he was thinking.

He softly ran his fingers along my cheekbone, stopping at my jaw. "With everything Kate and I went through, as far apart as we ended up being even though we tried so hard to make our marriage work… It just wasn't going to happen for us. We were destined to have things end between us but then, she got pregnant…" He shook his head sadly.

"There is another reason I wouldn't have made love to you tonight. Even if you were fully protected—on birth control and me with a condom, I couldn't risk it. Kate was on the pill when she got pregnant."

He took a deep breath before he continued. "I am deeply in love with you. I don't want to overwhelm or frighten you but I'm certain that we are better than the best of friends. Even after we make love for the first time, we will continue to grow closer and closer."

If you've ever heard the expression 'my heart is in my mouth,' you can imagine what I was feeling by this point. What he was telling me was obviously very important to him. Then it hit me.

He was declaring himself to me.

"You are my soul mate, Bella. So, I am also certain that it would absolutely, without any doubt, _destroy me_ to have you get pregnant. I just wouldn't be able to handle the stress and constant fear of something going horribly, terribly wrong."

He hesitated for just a second, to compose his final thoughts in order to finish what he was saying. He whispered the rest to me, his eyes roaming across my face as he spoke to tell me with his verdant orbs that he in no way was trying to upset or frighten me. "The fact that you cannot get pregnant… Is so sad and poignant. But it's also…" He closed his eyes and, since I knew what he was about to say, I reached up and brushed my fingers over his lips and finished for him.

"A relief. I understand. From what you've been through, I totally get it. And I've spent many years adjusting to the fact that I will never have children of my own, so don't worry that you might upset me or something like that. I'm o.k. with things as they are now. I've accepted it."

He gathered me up and hugged me to his chest, running his fingers through my hair with one hand while the other rubbed small circles into my hip. He had pulled my cheek down to his chest by his shoulder and was now resting his head against mine.

"Thank you for telling me that because, I do feel horrible for feeling relief. It's just such a sacred thing, a precious gift to carry a life and bring a soul into this world. _I_ am unable to emotionally handle it… But I don't want to ever limit someone else because of my… Difficulties. So, the fact that you can't _have_ children, for obviously very different reasons, _is_ a relief."

I knew he needed to be sure I understood, so that there would be no doubt in the future as to where we both stood. I leaned my head back slightly and trailed several kisses along his jaw to let him know that I appreciated what he had told me.

"Please, don't go tonight. Stay with me…" He sounded so nervous and unsure.

"Of course I won't be leaving. But can we stay here on the couch together? I know you told me once that Gracie doesn't come upstairs and I want to be with her, too. Besides, it's so warm and cozy right here."

"That sounds like a great plan. Let's lie down a bit more, just so we can be as comfortable as possible… While still fully clothed." He chuckled and scooted us down on the sofa as I stretched myself out over his body. He gently rolled me so I was laying next to him, pulling me tightly towards him so my back was against his chest. He placed the blankets carefully over us.

He then draped one arm over my ribs and held his hand to my stomach as he kissed the back of my head. "I love you, Bella. I'm so sorry about what's happened to you. Please try to sleep, my beautiful girl."

I snuggled into him. "I love you too, Edward. I'm sorry for what you experienced. I'm glad you came through it—supposedly stronger men have buckled under less. I'm glad you did what you could to persevere."

He held me tightly for several seconds and then turned me slightly so he could kiss me chastely goodnight. "Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight." As I turned back to face the fire and Gracie still asleep in her bed, I sighed contentedly. I realized that I had never been happier than I was in this moment with Edward. I was also aware of how emotionally drained we both were from all that we had disclosed to one another. So, I managed to fall asleep surprisingly quickly.

I didn't know what the morning would bring to us but I was glad I had finally found someone that both my head and my heart agreed on.

With all that he had just shared, I knew, without a shred of doubt, that he felt _exactly_ the same way.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Please Review—don't make me beg. :)_**

**_Wanna see the photos that coincide with my story? Go to:  
><em>****_**_wooleywews(.)blogspot(.)com/p/across-ocean-blue-pics(.)html_**  
>But remember to remove all the parenthesis first.<em>**


	12. From Rapture To Embarrassment

I awoke to the slight sound of snoring.

I couldn't have stopped the smile that crept across my face even if I'd tried. Unlike Jacob, Edward was a peaceful sleeper. I'd always wondered how Jake could sleep through the racket that he generated. I knew _I'd_ always had trouble, especially if I made the mistake of going to bed after him. He was just plain _loud_.

As I began to wake more fully, I could feel Edward's body still pressed against mine and his arm was still around my middle.

It was truly amazing to me that we fit together the way we did. It was as if we had been made for each other.

As I stirred, Edward actually pulled me to him even tighter. "Harrumph… Bacon…" He was talking in his sleep. A giggle escaped my lips before I could stop it. "Hummm." He let out a sexy murmur.

I turned my body so I was on my back, precariously balanced on the edge of the sofa, watching him attempting to wake up. _God he's cute._

Finally, one green, glittering eye opened to take me in. As he came to the realization that I was indeed still there with him, a dazzling smile slowly spread across his face.

"Good morning, beautiful." His voice was rough from sleep and so very sexy.

"Are you even a morning person? I thought for sure you would be." I giggled into his chest.

His arms automatically stretched out and as he tried to pull me back towards him, he accidentally knocked me off the couch.

As I lay on the ground next to his couch on my hip, Gracie woke with a start and gave a little yelp. She had snapped her head up and was now looking at me lazily, as if to say, 'I'm glad you're here but did you really need to wake my master and me up like that?' She looked as indignant as I felt. I heard a chuckle from the couch and Gracie and I both looked up at her 'master' at the same time. I felt my eyes narrow.

"You think this is funny, do you?" I said a little sharply. Gracie gave a little growl that took me completely by surprise. I glanced over at her, assuming I'd be the one she was giving a stern 'talking' to. But when I looked at her, she was staring at _Edward_. Apparently she didn't like the way he was laughing at me and the position he'd put me in. He suddenly looked mortified.

"No! No. I'm sorry…" He sheepishly and rather quickly bent over the side of the couch with his arms outstretched to help me up. I immediately noticed that _he_ was now precariously positioned at the edge of the couch.

I couldn't help myself.

As he grabbed my arms I used his awkward position against him and gave a tug at just the right moment. As I saw his eyes widen in alarm, I felt rather smug.

Until he fell on top of me. _Crap! He's really heavy!_

I felt the air leave my lungs and Gracie was immediately up and barking at us, as if she was really concerned that Edward had crushed me and hurt me.

With Gracie moving around us and barking, Edward tried to quickly roll off of me. But with the way Gracie was acting and as I began to laugh uncontrollably at the look of contrition and concern on his face, he began to laugh as well. Then he began to tickle me.

"So, you think this is all very funny, do you?" I was now having trouble catching my breath. "My own dog is defending _you_ over _me_!" He was practically shouting now. With Gracie's barking and our laughter, he almost _had_ to shout.

Realizing that I was having some trouble catching my breath, he stopped his tickling torture. We were now laying next to each other on floor, his back to the couch with his left hand resting on my stomach while his other was holding his head up. We were breathing deeply, each trying to catch our breath and our legs were tangled together. The electricity pulsated between us again…

Gracie gave one last sharp bark and left the room with her head held high. She apparently was through with us and our 'silly' behavior. "She's rather… snooty sometimes, isn't she?" I gave him a smirk.

He laughed lightly. "Yes, yes she is." His smile was happy and light. The electrical hum was still there but had dimmed slightly.

He cautiously raised his hand from my stomach to my face and brushed my hair back, tucking a loose piece behind my ear. His fingers drifted back along my jaw from my ear, stopping at my lips.

The feeling of the air crackling with intensity ratcheted back up.

I felt my breath hitch and my mouth fell slightly open as he lightly pressed his thumb against my bottom lip. His eyes, slightly hooded now, were piercing me with the passion that was held within them. He began to lean down and his fingers wrapped around my neck to cradle it as he tenderly pulled me up to meet him.

As our lips met I felt him slightly cover my body with his. The hand that he had been propping his head up with was now also at the back of my head, with his fingers threading through the hair. My hands had automatically wrapped around him and my fingers were tugging on the hair at the nape of his neck. I moaned into his mouth and he pressed himself more into me. Our heads tilted opposite of each other as we deepened our kissing. Our tongues met and I was sure I was going to burst into flame. _He _moaned and my body responded with an uncontrollable shiver of pleasure. His left arm drifted down to my right hip and he pulled our bodies together almost impossibly tight.

He didn't stop and it didn't feel like he ever would. Somewhere, deep in the back of my mind, I felt a warning bell begin to go off.

He had made it so clear to me how he felt about sex outside of marriage. I couldn't let this go any farther. I knew now that not only would he regret it but that I would too. I wanted it to be something it wasn't with Jacob. I wanted to _share_ myself with him, not _throw_ myself at him.

As I tried to slow our fervor, I tilted my head back to get more air into my lungs so I could tell him we should stop. But before I could say anything he had simply moved to kissing and lightly sucking against my neck and collarbone. He had moved one knee between my thighs and was trying to position me rather… explicitly. I unlocked my hands from around his neck and brought them around to the front of his chest and pushed.

I was no match for him. He was much, much stronger than me. Feeling the plains of his chest through his thin sweater almost made me come undone. But I had to persist. This wasn't right. I pushed once more and he began to slow and then stop his movements.

It was the front door suddenly bursting open that finally had us springing apart from each other, however.

"Hey Edward! Why is Bella's car in your driveway? … Oh!" Alice came to an almost comical skidding halt as she reached the living room, with her hand held up to her mouth in complete and utter shock. Jasper and two other people I hadn't officially met as yet but recognized from their pictures, Emmett and Rosalie, were only a few steps behind her.

As the silence stretched out and Edward's and my embarrassment increased, Alice spoke.

"Well, I guess you guys have finally met." She sounded smug.

I felt my face blush deeply and fiercely, something I hadn't done in a really, really long time. _This was going to be a long day… _I sighed and felt Edward tense next to me.

Apparently it was going to be a really long day for both us.

~~:::~~

_Finally_. I had the woman of my dreams not only in my arms but in love with me.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up next to her on the couch and I wanted nothing more than to take care of her, protect her, love her, worship her. She was so beautiful, inside and out.

I had never met anyone quite like her—she was very smart, funny and confident. But she was also bashful, snarky and self-depreciating. She was a small bundle of contradictions.

She obviously took care of herself but she also had such a womanly shape. I had to work out three times a week and I ran six to ten miles a day to even look remotely in shape. She walked Gracie once or twice a day. That was it. I shook my head.

She was a natural beauty, wearing hardly any makeup or having to do much with her hair. Her hair… It was like thick silk. I couldn't help myself as I reached out in the night and ran my fingers through it.

As I watched her, she looked so at peace I couldn't help thinking about the dichotomy between how she looked now and the horrible things that had happened to her—that had been done to her. She didn't deserve that kind of pain.

For the first time in my entire life, I wished to have children with someone. Even after _everything_ I had told her the night before, I knew that we would have made a beautiful child together. Especially if it had been a boy. My firm jaw with her deep, warm eyes. _Who are you kidding Cullen?_ No, a girl, definitely. Hopefully as beautiful as Bella…

I felt so sad. She would never be able to have children. Ever. I wanted to share everything with her but we could never have that.

I had a sudden thought. Would she be willing to adopt?

Because I wanted to marry her. I wanted to have children with her. I wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together.

I wanted her forever.

I remembered what she'd said about me. _'Supposedly stronger men have buckled under less. I'm glad you did what you could to persevere.'_

I knew why. I had been waiting for _her._ That's why I'd survived until now. Because now I could grow, move forward, look towards the future… As long as she was with me.

I loved her so deeply it almost hurt. I couldn't stand the thought of ever being parted from her now. As I fell back asleep with her in my arms, I vowed to make that true. That we would never need to be apart again.

When we'd woken up in the morning, I had wanted us to make breakfast together. Eggs, bacon, toast, and of course tea… Ummm. That sounded so good. But between her, Gracie, and my own idiocy, we managed to skip breakfast.

Gracie… I'd never seen her so enthralled with someone.

Even though Kate had been the one to bring her home as a puppy, I'd been the one she'd gravitated to. Kate had been a little put out at first but Gracie quickly fell in love with her, too. After she was… Gone, Gracie had been a bit lost for a few weeks. Then she became even more protective of me than she had been before.

But the way she interacted with Bella… It was fascinating to watch.

Gracie had _growled _at_ me_. Well, I don't know that I'd ever felt so shocked. She was protecting Bella from me! Incredible. I shook my head thinking of it. When neither Bella or I took her behavior as seriously as she felt we should, she had actually left the room. Prideful animal.

And then I'd felt a bit animalistic. Bella was so warm, so beautiful. We fit together like puzzle pieces. I wanted nothing more than to _show_ her how much I loved her.

She did things to me I hadn't even known were possible to experience with someone. The feelings of desperation, intensity, and pure love were amazing.

As I began to lose control of myself, I felt her gain control. She was trying to stop me. I was confused for a second before I remembered that I had, just the night before, explained to her how I felt about sex outside marriage. I had no idea how I was going to stop now, though. I wanted her so badly…

But, I didn't want to have sex with her. I wanted to make love to her. Extremely slowly and very reverently.

As I allowed that thought to come to the forefront of my consciousness, I managed to slow down.

We were both about to catch our breath and back away from each other when my front door came flying open. We suddenly broke apart and jumped back from each other as my sister, brother-in-law, and best friends came waltzing into the living room.

Awkward? Ohhh yeah. You could say that.

As the silence continued, I decided to be the brave one. After almost _forcing_ myself onto Bella it was the least I could do. I was supposed to be a gentleman, after all. I stood quickly and helped her to her feet to stand next to me.

"Hello." I nodded quickly to Jasper, Emmett and Rose and then looked back at Alice. "Yes, Bella is here. Everyone, this is Bella Swan, my girlfriend."

As I had made the introductions, I thought Alice was going to choke she was so happy. Jasper looked pleased for me but a bit stunned. Rose was squinting her eyes at Bella a little bit. Emmett… Emmett began to laugh. Loudly.

"Eddie boy, you've been holding out on us. Now it makes all the sense in the world as to why you'd leave your beloved London to move out to the country." He laughed heartily and came directly over to Bella, invading her space, and picked her up in his arms and hugged her.

"Bella Bean! It's fantastic to meet you. I'd say we've heard all about you, but…" He set her back down and her knees almost buckled from shock. He laughed loudly again.

I watched as her face went from incredulous to happy in about five seconds flat. She liked Emmett. A lot.

"Hi! It's very nice to meet you all." She looked a little bit shy as she placed her fingers into her back pockets and then… "So, I know Alice and Jasper, and you must be the infamous Emmett and Rosalie. It's really nice to finally meet you, too. Edward's been keeping me locked up trying to convince me that the rest of the world has disappeared. It's nice to see that's not true. I would have really missed chocolate after a while."

Alice giggled, Jasper let out a grunt, Emmett laughed loudly again and Rose… Rose just barked off a quick laugh.

My Bella was forever surprising me. She turned to me and slyly smiled. The returning smile that broke out across my face must have thrown her a bit because her eyes suddenly glazed over.

I realized quickly that even though things had ended abruptly between us she still wanted me. Ten minutes ago I would have ushered them all out on their heads, told them to not come back until I called, and taken her upstairs to ravish her.

But now I had my wits about me.

I stepped over next to her, wrapping my arm around her waist tightly. "Yes, I told her that dad had been working on a cure for the plague but it had all gone terribly wrong and everyone was turned into vampires—you know, reminiscent of the movie 'I Am Legend'."

It got so quiet in the room that I could hear the grandfather clock in the music room ticking. As was becoming routine, Bella saved me.

"You said we'd be safe and that all the vampires had gone north!" She mock-whispered.

"The important thing is that they didn't take all the chocolate." I 'whispered' back.

We both laughed at our strange conversation and our sudden guests just kept staring at us.

"Um, I guess you guys aren't interested in going out with us for brunch…" Alice looked like she was trying really hard not to laugh.

Bella and I looked away from each other and gave Alice a blank stare. I looked back down at my Bella and I could actually read her thoughts through her eyes. "Um, yeah, we are." I answered without breaking away from Bella's gaze.

She gave me a warm smile and stood up on her toes to whisper in my ear that she would go to her place to get ready, would be back in fifteen minutes, and that she loved me.

"I'll see you guys back here in less than twenty minutes." She smiled brightly at my family and friends, grabbed her boots and left.

I could hear the grandfather clock again.

They all stared at me but before the outbursts could come, I hurriedly started heading upstairs. "I'll go get ready now. Be right back."

As I reached my bedroom door, I could hear the commotion start up downstairs.

"Who the hell is she?" I heard Rose explode.

"Baby, he said who she is. That's his girlfriend!" Emmett sounded so thrilled and excited, as if he'd already completely accepted Bella into our little family. He really was one of my very best friends. I had to smile.

Alice and Jasper then began whispering angrily to Rose and before I closed the door to my bathroom, I heard Rose exclaim. "The love of his life! Oh my God!"

I had to smile. Alice had known all along of course.

I loved my sister. But I loved Bella so much more thoroughly.

I just hoped she'd let me make it permanent by agreeing to marry me.

Soon.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Heehee! ExB are just too cute. _**

**_Reviews are like chocolate… Well, not really but I'd still love to see some more reviews for my story! Tell me what you think! :)_**


	13. The Start Of Something Greater

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

* * *

><p>As I finished getting ready, I couldn't get the image of Edward trying to… Well… <em>You know…<em> Out of my head.

Ahem.

Anyhoo, I still hadn't decided what to do about… That.

I'd never in my life felt these kinds of yearnings before. This intense _need_ for someone so deeply. The thought of being parted from him was truly excruciating. Even thinking about it made me bring my hands to my bosom in two balled fists.

I decided right then and there that we apparently had much more to talk about.

I absolutely adored his country home. But I loved my little cottage too. Well, I loved the _idea_ of having my own cottage… It was actually a little bit too 'cute' for me in a lot of ways.

Wait. What was I saying? That I wanted to… Ask to move in together?

_Maybe I could just ask him to marry me._ That would be just as logical. I rolled my eyes. I felt pretty disgusted with myself but at the same time…

Yeah. I'm a 'modern woman.' I had proven able to file for divorce and leave Jacob behind. I had made it basically on my own with my career. I had picked up my sorry butt and moved to another country almost completely on my own.

And now the thought of living my life without Edward in it almost made me sob and cry like a little girl.

I sighed.

I walked to Edward's instead of driving back, wondering what his family and friends had done to him in my sudden absence. I giggled a little bit because I'd basically abandoned him.

I walked with my hands tucked into the pockets of my down jacket to keep them warm. The wind had definitely died down but it was still fairly cold.

As I came back up his drive, I could see that Emmett drove a very large, black Range Rover. I wondered how in the world I'd missed it when I'd left and if we'd even all fit in it.

Apparently not since as I got closer, I could see Alice and Jasper already getting into the back seat of Edward's black sports car. He was standing by the front of the garage with Emmett and Rosalie and as he saw me, the smile that spread across his face made me almost forget my name.

He moved away from them with Emmett still talking to him and I almost ran to him. When we reached each other, we automatically stopped and reached out at the same time.

Our arms wrapped around each other's torsos and I felt as if… I'd come home. The ache that had been growing in my chest immediately dissipated.

We both sighed as Edward spoke. "Hi beautiful. I missed you…"

"I missed you too." I looked up into his eyes and there was so much love contained within them that I lost my breath again. But I needed to tell him that we needed to talk before we left and possibly spent the day with his family and friends.

I took a deep breath and he braced for whatever he thought I was going to say from what he must have seen in my eyes. "Edward, we need to talk. I can't…" I closed my eyes before I continued. "Be away from you. It… It _hurts_." I tried to bury my face into his chest but he'd have none of that.

He bent down and ran his lips along my cheek, stopping at the curve of my ear. "I know. I promise we won't be out with them for long. Just a few hours, o.k.?" His tickling breath made me giggle and I nodded in agreement.

He shook his head at me as we headed back to the garage with our arms around each other's waists. We were laughing and whispering to each other before I saw the look of sheer amazement on both Emmett's and Rosalie's faces.

I could just barely make out Alice's face in the back seat of his car. She looked smug again. Jasper looked over at her sharply and when Alice looked back she flashed me one of her bright smiles and gave a small but quick wave before she got herself under control. I could see Jasper shake his head at her and laugh.

As I reached the passenger door I heard Edward tell Emmett to meet us at the Cricketers. Before I could open the door, however, Edward had jogged over to me and began opening it for me, shaking his head at me in disapproval. "Bella, you must let me open doors for you and such. You deserve no less, love."

I chuckled at him until I realized he was serious. The laughter died in my throat. "Um, yeah. That's not going to work."

He looked like he was about to protest when I reached up and placed the flat of my hand against the middle of his chest and pressed into him, speaking sternly. "No, listen up. I'm o.k. with you opening doors for me at buildings, _maybe,_ _sometimes_, but I will open my own car door. End of story. I'm very independent, Edward. Get used to it." He stood gaping at me as I sat down in his car—and I do mean down—_Crap, it's like a cockpit in here_—closing the door after me.

As he slowly walked around the front of the car, Alice couldn't hold back her giggle. "Good for you, Bella. But good luck getting him to go along with that. He's almost as stubborn as you!" The three of us laughed at that until he got into the car. We all got a little quiet after seeing the look on Edward's face. I shyly reached over the center console and squeezed his upper thigh as he drove out.

I saw a flicker of a smile and returned it radiantly. He began to chuckle, shaking his head at me. "Fine. You win that one. But when we're on an _official_ date, not just going out casually or running errands or something, I will open _all_ doors for you that we encounter. Got that, little miss bossy?" He sounded so stern but I knew he was attempting to create a compromise between us. I couldn't help but be impressed. He truly was a wonderful man. Rather old-fashioned but that's what made him that much more special and… I loved him even more. If that were even possible.

"Fine. And that's Mrs. Bossy to you, mister." Alice and I cackled at that one until Edward spoke.

"How about I call you Mrs. Cullen?" He retorted.

Holy. Freaking. Crap!

~~:::~~

Brunch was really good. A little bit too long… But really good.

I sighed.

Thank _God_ for Jasper. He managed to _somehow_ turn the conversation to my parents before Bella could react to my outburst. Yes, I wanted to marry her but I knew we needed to have some serious conversations together, _without_ my family as witnesses, before I officially asked her to be my wife.

Holy Mother of God. How… _How_ had I made _that_ slip? Oh. That's right. Because I sodding loved her more than anything, that's how.

I sighed again.

I had watched as Bella turned whiter than usual and then Jasper had casually begun talking about mum and dad. Alice interjected and by the time we reached the pub, she and Bella were talking about something that had happened the last time they'd been out shopping.

They headed in first and Jasper grabbed my arm to slow me down right before we went in.

"Holy _crap_, Edward. Are you trying to scare her to death?" He shook his head at me. "I know you can be pretty intense. But come on! _Mrs. Cullen_?"

"I won't apologize for how I feel, Jaz. She's told me she loves me and I've told her the same. I've also shared everything with her about Kate, just so you know." I had responded stiffly but rapidly felt deflated. "I know I shouldn't have said that right at that specific moment though, o.k.?" I looked away sheepishly.

"Jeez Edward. I'm not sorry you two have connected the way you have but… Give her some space, o.k.? She's been through a lot and…"

I cut him off. "I know what she's been through. She told me."

We shared an intense look and he backed down, holding his hands up as if in defeat. "Alright then. I'm glad she told you. She's only told Alice and me the basic facts about… Well, what's happened to her."

I knew he meant her infertility and her divorce. I certainly wasn't going to talk about that with anyone other than Bella. It was just too private, personal and intimate.

I was surprised by his seemingly sudden sense of protectiveness over Bella until I remembered that she and Alice, and therefore Jasper, had been friends for a while already.

"She's told me everything. I've told her everything about me. I love her. Completely. Totally." As we entered the pub, I looked towards the bar and saw Emmett leaning against it talking with the barkeep. I took one last serious look at Jasper. "I do intend on asking her to marry me, Jaz. Soon." He nodded his head almost in defeat it seemed to me. Until he looked directly into my eyes.

"I'm very happy for you both. You know that, right?" He smiled one of his trademark Jasper smiles, the ones that made Alice melt and Emmett get him a beer.

I just shook my head and laughed. "Yes. Thank you, Jaz."

~~:::~~

We had a wonderful lunch. We talked about Emmett's pursuits since leaving college—he owns a very large and successful import/export business—and Rosalie had recently opened an online store specializing in rare automotive parts. She had graduated with a degree in engineering but loved the hands-on approach with cars too much to switch to a more abstract way of looking at them.

Alice told us about her latest restoration project and how it tied into a project of Edward's and her mother's at the Museum. We talked about my books and Edward's decision to move to the country. Jasper even came up with some amazing stories about when the guys were all at university together.

A good time was definitely had by all.

Apparently, Emmett and Rose would have normally come down anyway for dinner with Edward, since it was Sunday. But after Emmett and Jasper had been quietly talking at the bar shortly before we were due to leave, Emmett suddenly announced to a slightly stunned Rosalie that they wouldn't be able to make it for dinner.

After we walked out into a cold and very late November afternoon, Jasper and Alice announced that they would be leaving with Emmett and Rose directly from the pub, so it was just Edward and I heading back… Well, home, I suppose.

We'd ended up being out with them for much, much longer than we'd originally anticipated. I didn't mind really. It gave me a chance to get to know them better and we'd all had a really good time. But I was feeling slightly apprehensive realizing that Edward and I would be alone together soon.

I had not addressed the proverbial elephant in the room as yet and neither had he.

I loved him. He loved me. Could it really be that simple?

I would be an awfully big hypocrite if I faulted him for simply speaking his mind. I had, after all, been considering asking about moving in together. I _had_ told him, and I quote, 'I can't be away from you. It hurts.'

I sighed. He looked over at me and reached out for my hand. I willingly placed mine in his large, warm one. I immediately felt better.

Well, that's an answer in and of itself, isn't it?

Before I could bring it up or say anything at all, however, he reached up with our hands still intertwined and brushed his fingers across my mouth. "Don't. I know. But can we wait until we get home to have this conversation, my love?"

I melted a little bit more.

My dad would be so pissed at me that I was basically succumbing to the charms of a man like this. But he _was_ charming. And beautiful, and loving, and honest. Open, funny, cheerful, serious, intelligent…

He was everything to me.

I looked away from his intense stare and sighed, nodding my head in agreement.

He ran his fingers slowly along my cheek as we pulled into the drive.

I waited for him to come around and get my door for me. Since he had pulled straight into the garage instead of backing the car in as it had been situated before we had left, I watched as he headed towards the back of the car with him shaking his head and trying not to laugh. We were both pretty stubborn. I giggled.

He opened my door with a flourish. "My lady?" He bowed low and had one hand extended towards me. I shook my head as I took it and he helped me get out of his sleek, fancy car with at least some grace. I was very thankful for that. The last thing I wanted was to fall flat on my face at this point.

As he stood back up straight I was struck once more by his grace and handsomeness. I wondered how I had gotten so lucky to find someone so… Wonderful.

As we headed to the front door hand in hand, he never once took his eyes off of me.

As we walked into the foyer, Gracie was standing and waiting for us with her tail wagging and her ears perked towards the front door. She gave a single 'woof' and turned on her heels heading for the living room and her bed.

As I tried not to think of what was going on between Edward and me, I took my shoes off slowly. I noticed he was doing the same. I sighed and as I did so, he reached his arms out and pulled me towards him. He held me tightly to his chest with his head resting lightly on the top of mine. I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Will you come upstairs with me? I promise to be a perfect gentleman. I won't… Try anything." I felt him swallow heavily. "I'd just much rather have this conversation in a more comfortable setting."

"Yes." I answered him very quietly and looked up into his eyes. "I love you, Edward. I want…" I closed my eyes for a moment before continuing. "I want us to work out. I just want to let you know that right now, up front." He nodded his head at me.

We headed up to his bedroom hand in hand. When we reached his door, he opened it with his free one, motioning for me to enter ahead of him.

Yesterday he'd only given me a cursory tour of the upstairs portion of his home. I knew there were three other rooms and a small bathroom besides his bedroom up here. One of those other rooms was his home office and we'd spoken for a few minutes in it while he'd given me the 'tour.' Lots of book shelves, dark wood and a massive, antique desk. It had seemed very manly to me, very… Well, just _him_. I was now really curious about his bedroom.

It was surprisingly not very large. There was plenty of space to move around but I didn't feel overwhelmed. It was in the same whites and tans as his living room but with no dark woods here. There was an entire wall of white shelves filled with books on one side of his king size bed. The end of the room had a huge grouping of windows. Right under the windows was a double-pipe radiator, which obviously heated the room instead of a fireplace. His bed had a softly golden-colored, very intricately embroidered bedspread with a large, white upholstered leather headboard but no foot board.

He walked stiffly over to a dresser that was situated on the opposite side of the room from his books to the left of the door, and opened a drawer to pull out a charcoal t-shirt. "Here, love. You might want to be a little more comfortable for our conversation." He smiled his devastatingly best at me and I felt my insides go soft. "If it's o.k., just knock when you're ready to come out, and I'll let you know if I'm ready or not yet."

He had motioned to a doorway I hadn't seen at first at the end of the bookshelves that must be to his en-suite bathroom. _So, there were two full baths upstairs… Nice._ I mumbled a thank you and headed there to change. I was again glad that I had decided to wear some nice cotton undies. After I had taken off my jeans and bra, I pulled his too-large t-shirt over my head. As I did so, I caught his scent. It was wonderful—manly but sweet, like a fresh-cut lawn or a honey pot. I had thought it was his cologne I'd been drooling over these past few days but noooo… _Could he get any more perfect? Argh._ I was starting to feel self-conscious again.

After I'd knocked and he'd let me know the coast was clear, I came out of his bathroom. He was already laying down but he was on top of the covers, with his legs crossed casually at the ankle and his head resting on big, fluffy pillows. He had on a black t-shirt and dark grey pajama bottoms that looked like they might be flannel. On the side of his bed that was closest to his books, he had the covers turned down for me.

As I stood at the end of his bed gazing into his eyes, he sat up a little bit. "Come here, sweetheart." He coaxed me towards him with one outstretched arm.

Like a moth to a flame, I went to him. I wanted so badly to come to him on his side of the bed and ravish him but I knew that wasn't what I was here for. I shyly headed over to the side of the bed that he obviously wanted me on.

I got in and laid down facing him. His white cotton pillows smelled like him. I closed my eyes briefly and inhaled deeply. Apparently, this was just his natural scent. _Ahhh._ I opened my eyes again to find his left hand ghosting over my features. "You're… Exquisite." He breathed out a long breath after he'd spoken.

I decided to lighten the mood before I did something we might regret later. "You're not so bad yourself, mister."

We smiled at each other and he got under the covers with me, laying down next to me with his head propped up a bit more than mine. As he spoke, he continued to move his hand along my face and finally began running his fingers through my hair. "Your hair is so silky and thick… It's beautiful."

He sighed and I knew he was about to begin our serious conversation.

"Here's the thing, love. I'm not sorry for what I said in the car on the way to lunch today. I meant it. I want you more than I can possibly express." He visibly swallowed. "I can't be away from you… I don't think I could bear it."

I smiled timidly at him. "I know Edward. I know because I feel it too. Look, I've learned the hard way it's better to just cut to the chase, so to speak, so… I wanted to know whether you wanted me to move in with you. I don't really want to give up my cottage because I love it but I'm pretty dang sure I love your home more and…" I was beginning to ramble and he had gently placed his fingers against my lips.

"Bella, if I'm unwilling to ravage you now because we're not married, do you really think I just want to share _living arrangements_ with you?" He smiled tenderly at me.

I began to blush again. I knew where this conversation was going. I knew it the moment he'd spoken in the car today.

He gently ran his finger along my cheek. "Look at you blush. You constantly surprise me, Bella. You keep me on my toes. I love you, you know that, right?"

I felt my eyebrows scrunch together. "Yes. I love you too. I just don't know what to do with…" I moved my hand back and forth between us like I had the day before. "This." I sighed deeply and sat up a little bit. I didn't want to be laying down for what I was about to say. He sat up a little bit, too. "Do you believe in love at first sight, Edward?"

He didn't even hesitate. "I do now." It was a statement. No room for misunderstanding his meaning.

"So do I. Now." I felt the tears begin. I couldn't help it, this was just so intense. So unexpected.

He immediately grabbed me and pulled me to his chest. "Oh, my Bella. Please marry me. _Please_…" He sounded so desperate but not in a bad way. Desperate to make me his, to give some sense of order to what we were feeling for each other. I just cried harder.

I was afraid.

But before I could pull away and run, which I knew deep in my heart would be a disaster for me and for him, he lifted my chin and kissed me.

It was sweet, demanding and deadly all rolled together. I thought my girly bits were going to explode. I stopped sobbing but continued to feel my tears fall and make their way down my flushed cheeks. I tried to get closer to him. I put my arms around his neck as if he were saving me from drowning. I pulled on his hair and gasped for air.

He began to try to slow our frantic kissing down to a more acceptable level. Or at least a level that didn't have me forcing myself on him.

"Love, we need to take a breath." He had taken my arms in his strong grip and moved them from around his neck to hold me to his chest. I gave a tiny yelp and hiccuped. He chuckled softly into my hair. "Bella… I love you more than anything. I'll have my lawyers figure out how we can get married quickly because I don't think I can stand it for much longer. I need to be with you… _Completely_."

I moaned against his chest and he began to rock me gently, humming that same melody that he had the night before.

"I love you, Edward. I love Gracie. I love your sister and Jasper. I love your home… I love England…" I bawled. Yep. I actually blubbered into his chest like a teenager. Pathetic.

"Shhhh. Shh, my love." He continued to rock me in his strong arms and kiss the top of my head. "Shh."

"I'm such a girl!" I moaned into his chest once more.

That did it. He laughed. Loudly.

"Silly thing. You're so wonderful." He slowed his rocking motions and as he did so, I stopped crying heavily. He scooted us down on the bed so we weren't sitting up against his headboard any longer. "If you're willing to move in with me, why? Why are you o.k. leaving your cottage?" He asked me quietly.

"Um, it's kind-of… Cute. Perhaps a little too cute for me. I love it, don't get me wrong. But it's not like… Your home." I told him shyly. "I really, really love your home, Edward."

Still holding me tightly to his body, he began kissing me gently. "You never…" Kiss "Answered…" Kiss-kiss "My question…" He lightly ran the tip of his tongue along my bottom lip. _Cheater! _I thought. But I knew exactly what he was asking me about—his marriage proposal.

"I'm afraid. But I know that I don't want to live another day without you, either. I'm willing to put myself into a seriously committed relationship with you, Edward. The most committed that two people can engage in." I gave a shuddering breath and continued. "Yes. I'll marry you." He moaned and kissed me deeper.

He broke our kiss and moved his hands down my body to grab my hips and roll me over so that I was on top of him. My hands and arms were now pressed into his chest and as I was holding myself up, my hair cascaded around us like a curtain.

He reached up tentatively, removing one hand from my side to brush my hair away from my face. "So, so beautiful. Thank you, love." He pulled my face towards his as he craned his neck up to reach me. "I promise I'll cherish you forever." As his lips met mine, as our tongues intertwined, our breathing became deep and our moans echoed each others. He began to shift his body again, rolling me over to lay on my back.

He did not follow me over, however.

"I… I need to get something from my study." His beautiful green orbs roamed over my face as he spoke. "I'll be right back, o.k.?"

As he got up from his bed, I whimpered at the loss of contact. He leaned back onto the bed with one knee and reached over to squeeze my thigh with one hand. "Shhh, love. I promise I'll be right back."

He smiled sweetly at me and I immediately felt calmed. "O.k." I returned his smile with one of my own and brushed my fingers up his forearm. He gave one more tight squeeze and then let go.

As I laid in his bed thinking over what was happening between us, I knew I should be worried, scared, feel nervous… Or something. But all I felt was happy. Blissfully, securely happy. He had done that to me. I vowed right then and there that I would do the same for him—I would find a way to make him feel cherished and special. Some solid type of token of my love for him and my trust in him.

He had told me the day before that we were soul mates. I couldn't really see any other way to describe what was happening with us.

I agreed wholeheartedly with him.

As I waited for his return I thought about how, to an outsider, all that had happened between us would appear to be preposterous at best and simply impossible at the worst.

But I _knew_ that we belonged together. And he knew it too.

Now we just needed to work out the _how_ part.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like giving frantic kisses. … Not even close actually but I'd still really appreciate hearing from you! :)_**


	14. Love and Marriage

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

* * *

><p>I sat up on the bed with my legs crossed under me, picking at the hem of his t-shirt, awaiting his return. I didn't know how to do this but I was going to try. Edward definitely deserved some kind of a token of my love for him.<p>

As he came back into his bedroom but before he looked over at me on his bed, he closed the door gently. When he turned back, he was surprised I was sitting up and waiting for him. I was twisting the fingers of one hand around my opposite wrist nervously.

I stopped as I spoke and held one hand up towards him. "Before you say anything, I have something to ask Edward." I used my sternest tone. He started and then nodded at me. "O.k. Here goes." I let out a small huff and then continued.

"You just asked me to marry you and I said yes. Well, I want to go into Petworth tomorrow and visit a certain antique shop so that I can buy you a ring. I want something from me, on you, by tomorrow so everyone will know you're _mine_." I now felt nervous and my blush had returned as well as my lower lip being held behind my teeth. I had even managed to cross my arms in front of my chest for a few seconds as I'd been speaking. They were now wrapped around my middle.

He came over to the side of his bed, kneeled down next to it and placed a small black box between his hands as they rested on top of the covers. He tilted his head to one side and gazed at me with one eye closed and the other a little crinkled. He stared at me, awaiting something… He looked at me exasperatedly and then down at the small box, then back up to my face. He reached out and moved it closer to my hands. "Please, Bella."

I realized he wanted me to open it. I cautiously reached out and picked up the black velvet box. When I opened it, I was confronted with an absolutely gorgeous diamond ring. The band had small diamonds channel set into the top and sides about half-way around it. The main setting was square with more diamonds set onto each edge all the way around with a center stone in a soft, barely yellow color that had to be over two carats in size. _Holy crap!_

As I slowly raised my head to look into his eyes, he was already standing and had placed his hands nervously into the pockets of his pajamas. "So, yeah, this belonged to my grandmother. I'd like you to accept it as a token of my love and appreciation of you saying yes to my marriage proposal."

My mouth dropped open with a pop. "Edward…" I was whispering but my voice was steadily getting louder as I went. "This is… Wayyyy too much. I can't accept this!" I was starting to panic and was now standing in the middle of the bed on my knees.

He suddenly became very stern. "Yes, you _can_ Isabella. This is important to me and you're certainly not telling me you're taking your 'yes' back, are you?" His eyebrows were knit together tightly by this point and he looked a bit petulant.

I realized how important this was to him. I decided to let him win this one because, let's face it, how could I turn down an _engagement ring_? But I thought I'd lighten the mood just a bit.

I held the box and ring out towards him, and got stern right back at him. "Edward Anthony Cullen, I expect a proper proposal of marriage, where you get on bended knee and take this ring and place it on my left hand as I say 'yes'!" I had narrowed my eyes at him dangerously and he'd already quickly taken the ring box back from me. "And you still haven't answered my proposal to _you_. Well?" I had my hands on my hips by this point. I thought his eyes were going to pop right out of his head.

He set the box down, reached over, took my hands from off of my hips and helped me move off of the bed to stand in front of him. He picked the small box back up, opening it and holding it up towards me, while gracefully falling to one knee in front of me. My hands involuntarily went to my face. "Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the utmost honor and become my wife, for all eternity?" He held it slightly higher and looked up at me through his long eyelashes.

"Yes." I still had my hands over my face below my eyes. He reached up slowly and removed my left hand from my face and gently slid my engagement ring onto my third finger. It fit almost perfectly.

He sinuously stood up in front of me. "I now most definitely would like to say 'yes' to your proposal for tomorrow, for you to purchase a ring on my behalf that I will wear proudly forever, declaring to the world that I indeed belong to Mrs. Bella Swan-Cullen."

Without another word but both chuckling at ourselves, we slipped into each others arms and hugged tightly. I again marveled at how well we fit together and as that thought took hold, his arms fell away from me to change position on my body, so that he was suddenly sweeping me off my feet. Literally. I gave a sudden cry of alarm and then giggled as he dropped me unceremoniously onto his bed.

"Well, that was the strangest marriage proposal _I've _ever heard of." He let out a loud sigh and then jumped onto the bed with me.

We were both laughing almost uncontrollably for several minutes but eventually our laughter slowed. I looked towards him shyly through my hair, which was now swept across my face. He laid down next to me under the covers, slowly raised his arms towards me, and I quickly went to him and laid down next to his warm body. He held me tightly in his embrace and we both sighed contentedly.

We ended up talking about nothing and everything, sharing stories about our parents and friends for hours before I felt my eyes grow heavy.

"Goodnight my sweet Bella." He whispered to me, as he kissed my forehead reverently.

I lifted my head slightly and kissed under his chin. "Goodnight my lovely Edward."

We both sighed as we fell asleep in each others arms.

~~:::~~

The next morning I awoke to find Edward's hand snugly nestled against one of my breasts. I quickly realized that I had woken before him so I could tell it hadn't been on purpose on his part. I sighed and gently moved his hand off of my torso. I then propped myself up on my side on one elbow and looked him over. He was peacefully sleeping with a small smile playing around his lips. He was breathing deeply and he looked so sweet.

I decided to surprise him with breakfast.

I carefully moved out of his bed, checking myself in his bathroom mirror to finger-brush my hair quickly and make sure I didn't look too scary. I then headed downstairs to check out his kitchen.

As I came down the stairs I saw Gracie look up from her bed in the living room, sit up, stretch, and then wag her tail at me quietly. Gracie seemed very happy to see me again. This was, after all, my second morning of waking up at Edward's and her home.

I smiled at her and waved. "Hi sweetie. I'm gonna make some breakfast for your daddy and me. Wanna come keep me company?" I was standing at the entrance to the living room by this point and had leaned forward a little bit, placing with my hands on top of my thighs as I finished speaking to her. She tilted her head a bit, woofed lightly and then laid her head back down.

I stood back up giggling and headed for the kitchen. "Fine! I see how you are." As I headed down the hall towards the kitchen shaking my head at Gracie, I was amazed _again_ with how comfortable I actually was in his home.

I looked down at my left hand and stretched my fingers out to look at my engagement ring again. It really was exceptionally beautiful but I still felt bad about how much it was probably worth. I felt slightly better about it being a family heirloom and not something he'd spent half a year's salary on or something. I felt _really_ good about the fact that I'd be buying him his own ring today. I grinned and giggled happily to myself.

As I rounded the corner into the kitchen, I marveled at its brightness and cheeriness. It was pretty large, too, with lots of cabinets and counter space. It was all white except for the countertops, which were wooden butcher-block style. It was neat and organized. Just like Edward. I let out a deep sigh.

I was _relatively_ OCD and knew he was horribly so; I found it fairly easy to find everything I needed. I decided that since it was cold out we needed some nice Scottish porridge to warm us up. I even found raisins and brown sugar. Perfect!

As I was digging through his silverware drawer, I heard the stairs creak and his greeting to Gracie.

I turned just in time to see him come into the kitchen while he finished stretching, dropping one hand to his stomach and the other being run through his unruly but incredibly sexy, messy hair. "Hey hun. What'cha doin'?"

I couldn't help it. I giggled like a school girl. I loved him so much right then with the sight of him being so… Man-like, sexy and cute. He already looked like a husband. _My husband,_ I amended. He also looked like a Greek god even though he'd just barely woken up.

I turned my body away from the two bowls of oatmeal next to his stove that I'd finished preparing and gave him my sexiest stare. "I'm fixing us breakfast, my darling almost-husband." I even did the thing we women do where you clasp your hands together behind your back, tilt your head a little bit to the side and down to look up through your eyelashes at them, and swing your body a little bit from side to side.

His eyes darkened just slightly and he let out a bark of a laugh. "You are an extremely attractive creature, to be sure. But a very _dangerous_ creature nonetheless. And _man_ do I love hearing you say that." He shook his head at me and we laughed together while he walked over to stand next to the kitchen island. I turned back to our bowls placing a spoon in each one.

"Hey, I've got another question for you." He was now leaning against it with his hands firmly planted on the surface behind him and his legs slightly crossed at the ankles, stretched out in front of him. I turned and smiled at him to go ahead and ask me whatever he'd like while I handed him his breakfast.

He nodded and murmured a thank you as he took his bowl from me. "So, what did you mean when you told me last night that your cottage was 'too cute' for you?" He actually raised one hand into the air and did the air-quote thing with his free hand. "Although I am really pleased to hear that you love _our_ home."

"Oh. I just don't do… Cute well. It's not obnoxiously cute. For instance, there's nothing pink laying around anywhere. And I do really, _really_ love your home. I…" I felt my face flush with embarrassment.

He of course noticed right away. "Why are you blushing?" I hadn't looked up at him as he'd spoken but I could hear the smile in his voice anyway. I heard him place his bowl down on the island behind him.

I shook my head. "It's nothing."

"Belllla…" He sounded a little bit exasperated. "You've had no problem telling me anything at all that you wanted to before. Don't stop now. We communicate so well with each other."

I felt myself get a little annoyed. "That was different! We were always on the phone and I tend to be less inhibited when someone isn't standing right in front of me, looking all sexy and stuff… And I didn't actually know then what I know now—That you're inhumanly gorgeous." I had turned completely back around to my oatmeal bowl by this point.

"Hummm. I look sexy, do I?" His voice suddenly seemed much deeper. "Well, I can't even _begin_ to tell you what it's doing to me to watch you in our kitchen, fixing breakfast for us while you're in one of my own t-shirts. Talk about sexy…"

I felt him behind me. I waited for him to place his hands on my waist and pull me backwards towards his chest. He didn't do that however. Instead, he stood as close as he could to my body without actually touching me. "Tell me what you were just about to say, Bella." His voice was velvety soft again and my bones felt all squishy. I think I even let a small moan escape.

I sighed and placed my hands on the countertop in front of me, leaning forward slightly. "I can't imagine myself ever leaving your home. If we were to get married _tomorrow_ I wouldn't change one… Single… Thing. It's… It's perfect for me, Edward. It's exactly what I would have come up with." I let out a long breath and hung my head towards my chest. "I'm sorry. That's just how I feel. But it's also… So… _Scary_ that I feel that way. I keep waiting for you to come to your senses and tell me I'm moving too fast for you or something. Like I'm a stalker or…" I felt a single tear begin to head towards my chin and I nervously reached up and wiped it away with my hand.

He put his hands on my shoulders and gently turned me to face him. "I've proposed marriage to you after knowing you for less than two months, and you're worried about me thinking _you're_ the stalker?"

I had to laugh at that. He was right. I sighed and reached up to touch his cheek with my hand. "I… I love you so much Edward. It doesn't make any sense. But I don't think I care. I just want to be with you. Forever."

He gave me a little squeeze and bent down to kiss me wetly on the cheek. He moved his lips to graze along my earlobe and whisper to me. "I love you. So much." He began to finger my engagement ring with his right hand as his left clung to my waist. "I can't wait for you to be my wife." He kissed my forehead quickly as he stood back up and his face was happy and bright. "And you're going to buy a promise 'slash' wedding ring for me today!"

He was so romantic but such a guy at the same time. He was endearing and sweet. I giggled at his antics. "Eat, Cullen." I pointed to his oatmeal as I sat down on one of the barstools to do exactly that with my portion.

He sat down next to me and began devouring his breakfast. "This is so sodding good Swan."

I laughed out loud at him. "Jeez. Good thing I decided to fix you some food! Gracie might have had to fight you for her bowl this morning otherwise!" I shook my head at him. "Listen, I don't have a change of clothes here, so how about I walk over to my place to get ready for today?"

He suddenly looked thoughtful. "I have a counter-proposal. How about I get ready here real fast while you get changed back into your clothes from yesterday, then we'll take Gracie with us along the path out back to your place? When we get there, I can root around and be nosey while you're getting ready. Gracie will get some exercise on the way there and I'll get to see this cute but not too-cute cottage of yours. How's that sound?"

I thought about it for a minute and decided that sure, he was good looking and stuff but he was also pretty smart too. "That is an excellent idea, Mr. Cullen. I concur." I nodded my head once at him and took his now empty bowl over to the sink to rinse it out. "Go. Shoo! I'll do these dishes and get Gracie ready to go while you get ready."

He grabbed me around the waist as he went by and gave me a quick hug. "That was really good, Swan-Cullen. I sure love you." He loudly kissed the top of my head and jogged out of the room and up his stairs. I was a little stunned, really. I'd never heard him quite so relaxed, cheerful… Down-right giddy as he was this morning.

Well, that made two of us.

~~:::~~

We'd taken our time getting to Bella's cottage. It was still pretty cold but we were keeping ourselves warm by chasing after each other and Gracie. Every hundred feet or so I'd grab her and give her a passionate kiss to keep her warmed up in other ways. She seemed to really like that.

I know I did.

As we reached her back door, I could see her small garage at the back sheltering her BMW. "Thank God you have good taste in automobiles." I was still staring at it when she walked over and sighed. I automatically looked down at her as she spoke.

"Yeah. That'd probably be a deal breaker for you, huh? Me having a crappy car?" She looked so innocent but I knew better.

I let out a loud chuckle. "Um, yeah. I could just picture you with some old, beat up truck or something." I laughed again.

But she wasn't laughing now.

She turned to me slowly, with a really strange expression on her face. "Oh my God. How can you possibly know me so well after less than _two months_… If that!" Before I could respond she continued. She shook her head at me with her eyes closed. "I had a red, 1953 Chevy pickup that was like a tank. I had it through high school and for most of my adult life while I lived in Forks. I loved that truck…"

I immediately felt contrite. "Oh! I'm sorry… I didn't mean to offend yo…" She cut me off with a wave of her hand.

"Stop. I wasn't offended. Just completely taken off guard by the fact that you could guess that about me." She shook her head again and laughed. Her eyes were no longer closed and now held a sparkle within them. "O.k. mister smarty pants, what's the deal with your super fancy sports car, anyway? You making up for some… Deficiency?"

I bristled at her assumption. "I'll have you know that I happen to really love that car, that's why I own it. I am certainly not 'deficient' in _any_ manner. Furthermore…" I was beginning to get huffy and she just laughed at me. Loudly.

"Ohhhhh. Touchy! If I hadn't been sleeping next to you the past two nights, I might have thought I'd stumbled upon something there with _that_ reaction!" She cackled. Yes! Cackled!

"Gah! You… You little minx!" I was practically growling at her by this point. Gracie barked once at me and then headed straight for Bella's back door, as if to say, 'Hey, you started it. Can we please have some tea now?'

Bella was laughing so loud by this point that tears were falling down her cheeks and she was slightly bent forward, holding her sides. "Oh my God! The look on your face!" She stood back up, wiping her eyes as her laughter died down. But she apparently wasn't quite done teasing me yet.

She suddenly looked at me with her head slightly cocked to one side and her eyes were shining brightly at me. "What do you _want_ to do to me, Mr. Cullen? You seem a little _uptight_ right now, if I do say so myself."

"Properly punish you for such an outlandish and rude assumption, that's what I'd like to do! What do you think of that, my darling? Hum?" She definitely got my dander up with that one.

She casually turned to her back door, unlocking it and ushering Gracie through before she turned to me with a thoughtful expression on her face, now holding one finger across her chin dramatically. "Hummm. Interesting. But I know for a fact that you're not into the kinky stuff Mr. high-and-mighty Cullen." She now had one hand on her hip and still held a contemplative look on her face. I was… Stunned. _That_ really hadn't been what I'd meant _at all_.

"I… Well, I…" I was completely taken aback.

_She_ suddenly looked contrite. "I'm not into that either, Edward." She gave a little nervous huff and looked at me through her eyelashes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have picked on you like that. It wasn't nice…"

I walked over to where she stood at her back door and waved her in. "Well, o.k. then. Why don't you show me your little cottage. You know, the one that could fit into my garage. The one we're both concerned about Gracie's doggie mental health because of its size." I placed my hand at the small of her back and gently pressed to urge her forward.

She didn't move forward just yet, however. She turned and raised herself up on toes with her hands resting on my chest. "Love you." She then kissed me chastely and softly.

I couldn't help myself. I quickly put my hands on her waist and pulled her tightly against my body. "I accept your apology. And, Bella." I gave her a kiss on her cheek, grazing past her lips with my own. "I'm sorry I reacted so petulantly. I've never had anyone question my… Manhood before." I grazed past her lips in the opposite direction as I'd spoken and kissed her other cheek.

"Trust me, Edward. I wasn't really doing that. You're very well endowed." She smiled against my lips and we both chuckled.

"Oh. Well then… Thank you?" I sounded unsure even to myself.

"Eddwwward… That's a good thing." She whispered into the hollow of my throat. _Oh. OH!_ I felt my face flush in embarrassment as I realized what she was telling me.

We both laughed again but more quietly this time. I motioned for her to enter through her back door. "After you, my love." She sighed against my chest, wrapped her arms around my middle and squeezed before letting me go to turn back around and head into her cottage. I followed after closing the back door behind me.

She gave me the grand tour. It really was fairly cute. I could see her hand in some of the decorations. However, there were many things that just didn't seem to fit compared to her personality. Like the frilly curtains in the kitchen. Or the fancy side table that sat between two large chairs in her living room.

When we reached the master bedroom, I felt a little nervous for the first time. Mainly because of the conversation we'd had at her back door but also because it only partially seemed to suit her. I absentmindedly moved past her and into it.

"This room seems a _bit_ more you. But the library 'slash' office really is your most personal space, isn't it?" I turned to watch her slowly start to enter her room, nodding her head at me. "Your bed is far too tall for you."

She sighed. "I know." She grew quiet and I was concerned I'd offended her.

Of course I hadn't. Even though the sexual tension between us had ratcheted up significantly over the past few days, we were still the best of friends. I'd sort-of forgotten that for a few moments outside. She had only been teasing me, after all. _I could get used to that kind of teasing… _I thought to myself, smirking slightly. Her slight sniff brought me quickly back to the present.

I walked slowly back towards her since she still hadn't come fully into the room. "Bella, what's wrong?" She almost looked like she was about to cry.

A single tear rolled down her cheek but before I could react she spoke to me, quietly and gently. "Oh Edward… I really, really don't want to come back here to live. Please don't make me…" She was openly crying now.

I swiftly closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around her. "Oh, sweetheart. You don't have to if you don't want to." I kissed the top of her head. I then placed one finger under her chin and pulled her face up to look at me. "I think we can control ourselves well enough that we could have you stay in the guest bedroom until we can get married."

I smiled knowingly at her. "Then, we can have a really nice honeymoon and celebrate… Our union." She giggled and leaned into my chest to kiss me softly between my pectorals. "I love you, Bella."

She sighed, breathing in my scent deeply. "I love you too Edward. Thank you."

We stood like that for several more minutes. I didn't want to break the spell but I knew what she wanted to be doing at this point in our day. "Sweetheart, you promised to buy me my ring today. We should probably get going…" I kissed her soundly at the top of her head again and she giggled. It was the perfect way to end our moment at her cottage.

We actually learned a bit more about each other at the same time as we'd cemented our relationship more solidly together. It was nice. I felt almost giddy at the prospect of being married to her. I'd never felt like this before.

I simply couldn't imagine not waking up with her in my arms every day now.

And soon, very, very soon, I wouldn't ever have to again.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like giving your sweetheart a ring. I'd have Edward give you one but… Well, he's an imaginary character so it's just not gonna happen. But I'd still really love it if you'd send me your thoughts on my story! :)_**


	15. What It Means To Be Strong

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

* * *

><p>As we drove back to our home, I again looked over at my smiling, happy fiancé. She really had found the perfect ring. It was an antique men's wedding band with a curling, vine-like design carved into it. It had tiny millgrain lines on each side of the main design, with polished edges beyond that. It was simple but intricate at the same time. It was perfect for me.<p>

I flexed my left hand, reached over and caressed Bella's fingers where they rested on the console that sat between us. She looked over at me from daydreaming out her window and gave me a soft, loving smile.

She reached over with her left hand that had been resting on her window sill and placed it over our now entwined fingers on the console. "I _knew_ I could find you a perfect ring at that store!" She giggled and blushed slightly. God how I loved this woman.

"Bella…" I hesitated only for a moment after she looked up at me expectantly. I looked back towards the road before I spoke again. "Wouldn't you like to pick up more of your personal belongings from the cottage, before we get back home?"

She squeezed my hand and ran the fingers of her other hand through her hair lightly. "Yes. I would." She looked back over at me at the same time I turned to smile at her and we grinned at each other like two teenagers.

"Hey, why don't I drop you off so you can pick up Gracie and then drive your car over to our home, so it's not all alone in your cottage?" She agreed and I told her I'd be running over to Billingshurst to pick up some things and that I might not be there when she got home.

I didn't tell her that I would be making room in the garage for her car to sit. I'd just put the Land Rover on the side of the garage. _She_ was much more important than that vehicle. But I knew how she'd react. 'No, Edward, you don't have to do that!' Yeah. Right. So, I just didn't tell her. Sometimes it was just easier that way. I'd learned that rather quickly about her through our telephone conversations.

I sighed and then I had to chuckle. We were like an old married couple already! Well, except for the intimacy part, anyway…

I'd have to talk to my lawyers tomorrow to rectify that situation as soon as humanly possible. I knew my willpower would not last long when it came to Bella living under the same roof as me. Everything about our relationship was all just so incredibly more _vibrant _than I'd ever felt with Kate.

As I drove to the store to pick up some dinner for us, I wondered where she'd like to go for our honeymoon. In fact, before we could even get to that, I needed to speak with Bella about how we were going to handle the details of our wedding and see how this was going to work. Did she want a big wedding? Did she want to have it at the local Parish church? Didn't she want her family and friends to attend?

Before I could contemplate married bliss with Bella any longer, however, I knew I needed to call my family. So that's exactly what I did.

Alice was… Beyond ecstatic. Jasper was happy for me. Emmett was thrilled. Rose was a bit concerned but happy that I was so happy. Then I called my parents.

To say that they were delighted for me would be the understatement of the century. I promised that I would be up on Wednesday with Bella for lunch. Hopefully Bella would be o.k. with that.

As I was finishing up preparing our dinner, I heard Bella enter through the front door. "Honey! I'm hooome!" I had to laugh at that. She was so cute, funny, exciting, loving, smart… Yeah. All the reasons I'd asked her to marry me and more.

"I'm in the kitchen, love." I had my chef's apron on and was placing the finishing touches to our dinner. Broiled red snapper with capers and a white wine sauce, with asparagus and tiny red potatoes with dill. Yep. I was trying to impress the future wife. Sue me.

"Oh my God! That smells delicious!" As I turned to smile at her, she was looking at me in awe. "Holy. Freakin'. Crap. You're as good looking as you are, as smart and talented as you are, _and_ you can cook! I've died and gone to heaven." She was fanning herself with her left hand, and I was stunned at how beautiful her engagement ring was on her. Not because it was a pretty ring. Not because it was a family heirloom. It was all due to the fact that it was on her finger because she'd said yes.

Before she could react, I quickly ran to her, grabbed her around the middle and picked her up to throw her over my shoulder. "Ah ha! My lovely almost-wife! Yesssss. I can cook!" I was laughing manically at her while she squealed in delight.

As I stopped running around because I could see that Gracie had come into the kitchen and was pacing and looking at us with concern, I placed Bella back on her feet and asked her to grab the wine glasses from the cupboard next to the sink.

She swatted me on the butt as she went by and rubbed Gracie behind her ears as she passed her. "This is all just so… Awesome!" She truly sounded happy. Content. I chuckled to myself about what her reaction would be to meeting my parents. _Oops_. I'd better ask her about that right away.

As we sat and began eating dinner, I told her that I had informed everyone of our plans. I then asked how she felt about meeting my parents… For lunch on Wednesday, which was in just two days.

She slowly took a sip of her wine, a Sauvignon blanc of course, we were eating fish after all, and looked at me thoughtfully while rolling her glass between her fingers. I wanted to point out that it was wine, not brandy but thought better of it. After a few moments, she spoke.

"Edward, don't ever lie to me. _I'll know_." She looked at me pointedly before setting her glass down carefully in front of her and I gulped. "How did they react to the news?" One of her eyebrows was raised in defiance of anything she thought I might say to soften the blow. But she was wrong. There was no 'blow' to soften her from. I sighed deeply.

"Isabella Marie, I would _never_ lie to you. I'm insulted that you would even think I could do that do you. Also, they reacted as I knew they would. They've known me my entire life, you know." I looked back at her with my own pointed glance.

Then I took a deep breath. "They were there for me when I fell apart after… Kate." I hesitated. Bella quickly looked up at me with worry in her eyes and she reached across the table to hold my hand. I grasped it firmly as I finished. "They have always supported me, been there for me. Loved me." As I rubbed soothing circles into the back of Bella's hand, I looked deeply into her chocolate orbs. "They are immensely and gloriously happy for me Bella. They can't _wait_ to meet you."

She let out a breath I hadn't even realized she'd been holding and got up, came around the table, and sat in my lap straddling me. I had automatically moved my chair back when she began walking around the table towards me and I now had my hands resting on her waist. Her small hands were laid softly on my shoulders.

"Edward, thank you." She leaned down and kissed me slowly. My hands drifted up her back and I pressed her closer to me as I deepened our kiss.

We broke apart and rested our foreheads together. "Come on." I said earnestly. "Let's finish dinner, clean up and work on getting your stuff in here."

She smiled mischievously at me as she got up from my lap, trailing one finger down from my shoulder, along my arm, to poke me gently in the ribs. "O.k., Mr. Husband."

I smiled widely at her, shaking my head. "Not yet, my love. But soon. Very, very soon…"

_As soon as humanly possible._ I thought to myself.

~~:::~~

Who could've guessed? How, _how_ was it possible to have so much go so wrong for Edward and me in such a short period of time?

The happenings of one, horrible day completely shook our foundation. It took a week to get through it all.

Oh, don't get me wrong, there were some wonderful things about that week. But the terrible things were… Crazy. That's what it ended up being. The craziest week of both our lives.

But not the worst.

_Definitely_ not the worst. That's what gave us hope.

It was, however, one of the those weeks that you wish you'd just stayed asleep for. That you'd ended up bed-ridden with the flu or something.

It started out pretty good.

Lunch with his parents had been fantastic. They were warm, generous, and loving. A lot of what made Edward, well, Edward. He had obviously inherited his charm and magnetism from his parents. His mother, Esme, was very compassionate and his father, Carlisle was the most gracious man I'd ever met.

On the way home from visiting them, Edward brought up that he had been wondering how we were going to work out the details of the wedding. I wasn't sure exactly which details he meant, and then he clarified that he would pay for my family and friends to fly over to be with us. I told him in no uncertain terms that that was completely unnecessary. It would only be Charlie, Angela and Ben coming, and I wasn't even sure about Angela and Ben because of their twins. It might only be my dad coming and I wanted to take care of that.

However, I also told him that I was hoping that Alice could help me and perhaps even Rosalie could help out. He was a little skeptical about Rose but was enthralled that I would be involving his sister. So was I, really. She was a natural. Planning, especially events, seemed to be like second nature for her.

I explained that I had no desire for a big wedding. Been there. Done that. In fact, with my residency status, it would be easier to get married by a magistrate or something like that. We could have a big reception for everyone instead. We decided that since we wanted our actual marriage to be very private and intimate, we would have a wedding reception for everyone else the following summer. We wouldn't even be able to send out invitations soon enough to have a reception now anyway, and the weather would be much better then too.

I did make two things abundantly clear to him. One, 'simple' was the word of the day. I did not want a 'Diana and Charles' fiasco. I wanted everything to be _intimate_. He promised that he would make Alice comply with my wishes. Two, I would be paying for the reception.

He got pretty huffy about that one, to the point of getting angry. I told him there was no reason we couldn't compromise. I even batted my eyelashes. He swiftly brought one hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose between his long fingers. Before he could get too angry, I told him my idea for this 'compromise.'

I told him that he was responsible for paying for the honeymoon and that he would not have to tell me a thing about it until we arrived at our destination. He could even enlist Alice's help in packing my things so I would truly be in the dark about it. A true, honest to goodness surprise. He was pretty taken aback by that because he was already fully aware of my intense hatred of surprises.

"Hummm. I think I'm being tricked here. The honeymoon couldn't possibly be as expensive as a wedding reception…" He still wasn't quite convinced.

"Hello! With the way I'm planning it? Trust me, you'll wayyy overspend me, Mr. Cullen." We were almost home by this point and I could see I was winning him over.

"Well, I guess you have given me an intelligent and well thought out compromise." He sighed. "Alright. I agree."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it? Wait, don't answer that."

We were waiting to turn on our lane and he was staring at me with both his hands firmly on the steering wheel. He chuckled at me and gave me one of his show-stopping crooked grins. "I love you almost-Mrs. Cullen."

I smiled warmly in return and we both sighed deeply.

I reached over and brushed a wayward bronze lock of hair out of his eyes. "I love you. More than I can possibly express." My hand lovingly traced his cheekbone as I moved my hand slowly away from his face and back to my lap. He gave me a sweet little crooked grin.

We really were pretty good at compromising… I had to smile.

As we sat and ate dinner with Gracie that evening, Edward was a bit put out that he hadn't heard back from his lawyers as yet.

I thought it was a little odd myself.

"I just don't understand it. This is so unlike them. Aro is usually much more responsive than this." Edward had his arms crossed tightly in front of his chest. His firm, leanly muscular chest… Hummm… Swooning… Oops. He was still speaking. Thankfully he didn't notice my blush. "…I've even gotten through to his personal secretary and informed her, in no uncertain terms, that this was almost an emergency! Still, nothing." He had actually stiffly raised one hand in the air, giving a little circular twist with his wrist and huffed at the end of that statement. I couldn't help but smile at him.

"My darling fiancé, not everyone is as meticulous and responsive as you. Perhaps they're out of town?" I gave him my best innocent look. I didn't want to make him mad, just make him think of other alternatives than the fact that his own lawyer appeared to be avoiding him.

"Hummm. That's a good point. Except… Why didn't she just tell me that… I mean, really!" I cut him off because I could see his leg beginning to bounce furiously.

"Edward Anthony, perhaps it's something personal and private and she was instructed to say nothing to anyone on the subject?"

He gave me a sheepish look and his leg stopped bouncing. "O.k. O.k." He sighed. "You might be right. But if I haven't heard from them before the end of this week, I'm calling my father to see if he knows anyone else that could help us."

"That's fair. O.k., so what's on the agenda for today?" And just like that we were on to the next order of business.

Before I knew it, however, it was already Friday morning and as of the night before, I knew he still hadn't heard anything from his lawyer. I thought it was weird but I knew that Edward had come up with a good backup plan so I wasn't too worried.

Until his lawyer called _me_.

I was at my cottage, in my office going through some e-mails when my cell phone rang with an unfamiliar number showing up on the screen. I didn't hesitate for long since I made the assumption it was something to do with the wedding reception. I'd already talked with Alice at length and I knew how fast she worked. Maybe…

"Hello, this is Isabella Swan."

"Hello Ms. Swan. It is a pleasure to speak with the possible future wife of Mr. Edward Cullen."

Wait. What? _Possible_ future wife? What the hell! "I'm sorry, who am I speaking with?" I asked a little tersely.

"This is Mr. Aro Volturi, Mr. Cullen's and his family's personal lawyer, Isabella. If it's alright, I'd like to meet with you to discuss your immigration status. Could you come to our office in Croydon, London, Today at 1:00 p.m.?"

My hackles were immediately raised higher. Not only did this man have the nerve to sound like he was _ordering_ me to come and meet with him even though he made it _sound_ like he was asking, he also came across as a simpering old man. You know, one of those old guys who gawk at young women thinking they're completely just objects? I hated this guy already. Volturi… Vulture… Yeah. That fit.

"I suppose I can manage that, _Aro_." I purposely didn't say his last name so he'd know I didn't see myself as less important than him. Take that, creepy old man! "I'm assuming I should bring my passport and visa showing my _legal_ status to be currently living in the U.K., so that you can make copies, yes?" Jerk.

I could tell he was a little taken aback by my obvious disdain for him and his creepiness. "Well, I… Yes, yes. That would be good Ms. Swan. We'll see you promptly at 1:00 p.m. today and I'll be able to speak with you in more detail then. I'm looking forward to meeting you." We murmured our goodbyes and I hung up.

Why, _oh why_ I didn't call Edward right away and tell him, I'll never know. I _do_ know that we made it a permanent rule after that week to call each other immediately whenever there was something important that one of us found out about.

Edward was in London meeting with his dad that morning about some things that needed to be arranged for our wedding and reception so he wasn't around, otherwise I think I would have called him. We'd already decided to have the reception at twilight in his… Well, _our_ backyard but there were details about the honeymoon that he couldn't talk about with me—surprise location and all that. I sighed.

I suddenly realized that I would be hard pressed to make it in time for my meeting with his stupid lawyer. Luckily, since I was already at my cottage and in my office, I quickly pulled all my paperwork together. I had brought everything of any value financially with me to England. Including things like important paperwork—my birth certificate and divorce decree. I was, again, so, so glad I hadn't listened to Angela on this particular point.

Before I'd left Chicago, I'd cleaned out my last few accounts and my safe deposit box but not told her. I think I knew deep down that I wasn't really planning on going back for a very long time. I didn't think I could have told her that then. Now I realized that I was _never_ going back. I felt strangely satisfied.

I had already informed my own lawyer of my possible change in residency status with my marriage to a Brit a few days previously, and he suggested I protect myself by filing a prenuptial agreement with him. I told him that if he'd send me the paperwork, I 'd think about it.

Fortuitously, as I turned back to my computer from my desk drawers, there was an e-mail in my in-box from him. Something in the back of my mind tickled a bit. Without over thinking it, I immediately pulled it up and printed the PDF that he had attached to take it with me to see Edward's lawyer.

I of course had no intention of having Edward sign anything even remotely like a prenup. But his creeptastic lawyer wouldn't know that.

I smiled at my own judiciousness.

~~:::~~

Mr. Aro Volturi of Volturi, Caius & Marcus Solicitors Limited have offices that are immaculate. Very ornate but immaculate. I sort-of felt like I'd ended up in some sinister version of an Italian museum or something. It seemed to fit the personality of the man that I was fairly certain was trying to frighten me off. I just didn't know if he was doing it to protect Edward or for his own self-interests.

I was going with the latter.

As I waited for Aro to come and collect me from the waiting area, I began to feel a bit uneasy. Could I do this? If they were trying to chase me off or worse, could I make it sound believable that Edward was fully planning on signing a prenuptial agreement for me? I hoped I could be convincing. I'd never been very good at playing poker, however.

I didn't have any more time to worry about it since an older man was currently striding, or gliding, purposefully towards me, someone who I had to assume was Mr. Aro Volturi. I simply reminded myself why I was here. To protect Edward. To protect myself. To protect our love. Anything else was secondary. Period. I felt calm and in control immediately.

He was still several feet away from me but he had his hand stretched out in front of him, reaching for my hand in what I assumed was supposed to be a friendly gesture. I automatically raised my hand in response and his closed quickly around mine. It was ice cold. Deathly cold. It took everything I had not to shiver unpleasantly at his touch.

As I looked him over quickly I noticed that his face appeared pasty, unhealthy. As if he hadn't seen the sun in a very, very long time. It was also very tight and drawn, like someone who's had way too much plastic surgery. He was quite old. Much older looking than his voice had sounded over the phone. He wasn't at all wrinkly or bent with age however, he simply moved at a very slow, even pace.

"Ms. Isabella Swan, how nice to meet you in person. I'm Mr. Aro Volturi." He gave me what I think was supposed to be a friendly smile but it came across as anything but. I think he knew I knew it too. "If you'll come right this way with me, please?"

As he let go of my hand, he gestured towards a large conference room directly to my left. So, he wasn't even going to take me up to his office? Surprise surprise. Creep.

I went ahead of him into the proffered room and quickly took a seat at the head of the table. I set my small briefcase and clutch purse down at my feet and sat comfortable as you please back into my seat, with my legs crossed and my hands settled gently into my lap. I'd decided to wear a white silk blouse with a black pencil skirt that fell to just barely below my knees. I also wore my elegant and simple Jimmy Choo mid-calf black leather boots and my charcoal grey peacoat. I was dressed to impress.

He was forced to attempt to smile pleasantly at me as he sat to my left. _You thought you were going to put me off balance, didn't you? Well, take that Mr. Creepy! _I thought to myself. I was going to do everything in my power to stay in control of this situation.

He motioned back towards the door. "If you don't mind, I'll have my assistant legal counsel here with us as well… Jane?"

Ah. Attempt to gang up on the innocent, unsuspecting American, Huh? Good luck with that.

I was certain by this point that he had made the assumption that I was simply a young, silly American girl on vacation in the U.K. and had become infatuated with a lonely, disconsolate but wealthy young man.

Might as well get this show on the road. "So, why am here exactly, _Aro_?" I gave him my best pointed look. You know, with one eyebrow raised and everything. Mr. Creepy was _so_ going down. I could tell that this was not at all how he expected his little 'talk' with me to go.

He hesitated for a few seconds and as Jane sat down next to him on his right, she gave me a hostile glare. "Well, _Ms._ Swan, I am not sure what I've done to warrant such hostility from you since we are only trying to protect the Cullen's interests here after all." He snapped.

Ahhh. I was getting to him. Good.

I sighed impatiently, looking at them both as if they were wasting an inordinate amount of my time. "Look, why don't we just cut to the chase, hmm? You obviously have something to say to me that you believe Edward would object to. Hence why he is not here with me on your invite and probably why you haven't returned any of his calls over the last three days." My voice was flat, bored sounding even. I made a show of impatiently tapping my fingers on my knee.

He gave a small huff and Jane narrowed her eyes at me. His voice became more reedy. "I see. Well, let's 'cut to the chase' as you say." He put one of his hands up in the air slightly towards Jane without taking his eyes off of me. She smoothly placed some paperwork into his thin, shaky hand. He placed it down on the smooth table top and slid it towards me. I picked it up lazily and glanced at it for several seconds.

Just as I'd thought. He was trying to shake me by showing me paperwork that would invalidate my visa. Not gonna happen, Mr. Creepy.

I began speaking without taking my eyes off of the paperwork. "Well, I _can_ tell you one thing. You were right not to include Edward in these proceedings. He will be very, very unhappy that you've drawn this up. In fact, he'll be _so_ unhappy that he will probably immediately look elsewhere for his solicitation needs." I looked abruptly up at Aro.

Hooya! I had his full attention now. He was beginning to develop a nervous twitch as I continued.

"But since he'll be signing a prenuptial agreement for _me_, I don't really see the need for this, do you? We'll obviously be getting married just as Edward wishes." I tossed the paperwork down onto the table and cocked my head to the side as I'd spoken the last few words. I also made sure to use my left hand, leaving my engagement ring displayed for them both to see.

He sputtered at me. "What! You cannot be serious! Mr. Cullen could not _possibly_ be considering such a thing! Who are you, just some insignificant passing fancy of his. An American gold-digger, that's what you are, my dear! I _will_ protect the Cullen family estate from insolent, venomous women such as yourself!"

I cut him off by leaning forward in my seat suddenly and pointing one finger towards his chest. "_My_ net worth is higher than Edward and his sister, Alice, put together." I snapped.

Edward had shown me his financial information online a few days previous and I was a little surprised by his modesty. We had no worries—between us we wouldn't have to work a '9-to-5' job in our lifetime. So, what I'd just told Aro and by extension Jane was _essentially_ true.

…As long as I ended up writing about three more bestsellers.

Hey, it could happen!

Anyway, I could see that he'd begun to process what I had just said and Jane was frantically attempting to get his attention. As he looked down at her blackberry and the information that no doubt was now scrolling across her screen to him about me, I continued in a much more calm tone. A sickly sweet tone, actually. I was beginning to enjoy this.

"However, I hadn't planned on having him sign it. It all depended on how you behaved today. And, Aro? You behaved very badly. So badly, in fact, that even by me _mentioning_ this meeting of yours he will be so angry that you attempted to do these things behind his back that not only will you no longer be representing _him_, he will make sure _the entire Cullen family_ no longer wishes to do any business with you at all, and he will sign my prenup without any hesitation. Just to prove you wrong."

I got up suddenly, picking up my things in one swift move and began heading for the door.

"Wait! Wait… I know that Edward wanted your visa changed… He wanted us to apply for a certificate of approval so you can get married… Ms. Swan, I believe we have been quite hasty here and…" He suddenly sounded very desperate.

"Too late." I spoke in a sing-song voice over one shoulder. I was already walking out towards their front lobby by this point, so I didn't even bother to turn around. I heard Aro's angry but frightened voice behind me and it sounded like he was hissing at Jane. She came running. Slowly but she was running.

Definitely too late.

"Please Ms. Swan. This has all been a terrible misunderstanding…" I was surprised at how high her voice sounded.

"Ah now Jane, we both know that's not true." I turned just as I'd reached the entry door, already pushing it open to escape. I gave her my best fake smile and she glowered at me.

As I walked to the tube station, I was honestly surprised for a few minutes that they hadn't completed a background check before they'd contacted me. Then it hit me. _Of course!_ Aro was so full of himself and convinced that I was a threat to the Cullen money, and therefore his exorbitant fees that he probably charged to help manage it, that he hadn't bothered to check up on exactly who I was. Ha!

What a creep indeed.

I headed home on the train lazily checking U.K. immigration rules on my iPhone. With what I quickly discovered via the internet, I knew that I could handle all the paperwork myself.

I decided I needed to regroup before meeting up with Edward that evening. I headed back to my cottage to do some additional research on the Border Agency's requirements for marriage between a citizen and a person subject to their immigration control—me.

After about twenty minutes, I was actually feeling pretty confident about the whole thing. I made myself some tea and continued reading while I munched on a few tea biscuits. Ummm. I really did love English food. Especially the sweet stuff. They could do sweet like nobody's business…

After I recovered from my sugar high and the positive feelings I had about the likelihood of our marriage, I realized I needed to confess my rather unconventional meeting with Edward's lawyer.

So I called Alice. You know, for practice. Before telling Edward. By the time I'd finished my narrative she was so mad she was sputtering. I promised her that I would be telling Edward about it right away and that we were supposed to be having dinner together in less than an hour.

"Good! I am soooo mad right now I can hardly see straight!" She let out a profanity and then I heard her let out a slow, deliberate breath. "But Bella, how magnificent you must have been. I wish I could've been there to see the looks on Aro's and Jane's faces! You go, girl!" She was giggling at me now.

I rolled my eyes at her even though she couldn't see me. "Yeah, Alice. Thanks again. I'll talk to you tomorrow." We said our goodbyes and I knew I needed to get ready soon. However, in my euphoric mood, I decided I had enough time to make one more phone call. One that I'd been needing to make for over a month. I needed to call Charlie.

My dad was… Surprised. I guess that would be the word to use. He wasn't dead set against it either. Surprise surprise. In fact, telling Charlie didn't seem so bad after all. He even sounded mildly supportive. Huh. Go figure. He did seem rushed. Before I could dissect that any further, I moved on with my afternoon.

Since my phone call to Charlie only lasted about seven minutes and I seemed be doing so well, I went ahead and called Angela too.

After we'd exchanged our usual pleasantries, things began to get… Challenging.

"Angela! How can you say that! Of _course_ I've checked out his past history and background!" I hadn't really but I wasn't about to tell her that now that she'd practically screeched at me about it through the phone. "Look, you're being absolutely ridiculous! Even Charlie wasn't this suspicious and down-right nasty about things!"

"I'm only sounding suspicious and _concerned_ because I love you, Bella! I care! Is that a crime? To care about one of my oldest and dearest friends?"

Hummm. She had a point there. Maybe I was overreacting…

I sighed. "Alright. ALRIGHT. I'll check out his background. Happy?"

"Yes." She sniffed. Oh crap. Was she going to cry? "I just worry about you, Bella… You're so far away… And now you're telling me you're suddenly involved with someone… So seriously… I just… I don't know what to think."

"Well you know what? You need to trust _me_ and _my_ judgment. Edward is…" I let out a long sigh. "He's my other half, Angela. It's just that simple. He's a concert pianist and composer. His mother is an art historian and his father is a surgeon. Does that help at all?" For once I sounded sure of myself rather than apologetic. I realized that until I'd spoken the words, I hadn't believed it completely myself. But saying them out loud like this… It made me feel confident and sure of Edward and our relationship in a way I hadn't felt before. It just felt plain _good_ to know that my future was set, that I was willing to defend us almost like a momma bear. I stifled a giggle.

"I don't know Bella. Look, you've told me that you're going to check him out more thoroughly and I'm holding you to that. You need to do this for yourself and for your own protection, o.k.?"

This was obviously the best I was going to get from her… For now. "Yes. I will." I tried not to roll my eyes since I knew she'd be able to tell I had from the tone of my voice. When I told Alice about my conversation with Angela the following week, she snickered and told me that she could tell when I would roll my eyes too. Dang it.

We said our final goodbyes and I realized that I was almost going to be late for dinner with Edward if I didn't finish getting ready immediately. I put a flounce-style black skirt on, with my same boots from earlier, paired with a deep blue ruffled, sleeveless silk blouse. I was rushing back down the stairs, hurrying to get my things together when my cell phone rang.

Why would Edward call? He knew I was coming over to… His place? Our home? I may have been sure about our love for each other but I still wasn't quite certain what to call our living arrangements, especially since I was currently ensconced in his guest room. He was just so old fashioned. But it made him so endearing. I had to smile at myself for that.

I was still thinking about Edward and our remarkably virtuous love affair as I answered my phone and said hello.

"Hi Bells."

The smile that had previously been plastered all over my face suddenly slid right off.

"Jacob." This could not be happening. "Why the hell are you calling me?" I was surprised. Incredulous. Annoyed.

Then I was angry.

As I placed one hand on my hip in displeasure I heard him give a small cough through the phone. "Um, to check on you?" I could tell he was smiling but I was sure I could almost hear it waiver and disappear under the weight of my silence.

After a few beats, I finally spoke. "Why?" I huffed loudly.

I could actually hear him shuffling his feet. "Angela called me a couple of weeks ago really worried about you. I guess your bank called her 'cause she was on the signature card or some crap, to tell her that you'd closed all your remaining accounts." I started to protest but he cut me off as if he was trying to ward off an attack by ravenous wolves. "I know! I know. But she couldn't get a hold of you and… I was worried too." He did sound worried.

It just wasn't anywhere near as captivating as when Edward did the same thing.

"I'm sorry you called for nothing Jacob. I. Am. Fine."

"Leah and I are getting a divorce." He blurted out.

_Oh. O.k. And I should care beeecause?…_ I really _didn't_ care. I was a little surprised at this realization but then I remembered why. Because I really had met the love of my life. A love that transcended all rational reasoning and thought. He was my life. The blood in my veins. My one, true love. Truly, amazingly, he really was my other half.

"I'm sorry for that happening to you but it has nothing to do with me." My foot was tapping to the beat of my heart and I figured I might as well lower the axe. "I'm getting married, Jake."

"I don't know what I was thinking…" He whispered and I barely caught what he said. "I knew you'd move on."

His deep voice sounded pleading suddenly. "I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry if I've upset you. I only ever wanted you to be happy and I knew you weren't. I wanted children and you… It just didn't…" He sighed loudly. "I am so sorry."

"Thank you, Jake. You never have told me before that you were sorry and I'm thankful that you could finally do that."

"I _am_ sorry Bella. I _was_ sorry. For everything." He truly sounded like he meant it with all his heart. "I'm also sorry I've called you like this. I knew deep down that I shouldn't. That I should just let you live your life. I really do hope you're happy, Bells. Angela just sounded so worried."

He let out an exasperated breath. "Look, I'll tell Angela that you're fine but I won't tell her that you're getting re-married. That's something I'm sure you'll want to tell _her_, and Charlie, yourself."

I nodded to him in agreement, realizing but not really caring that he couldn't see me. "Yes, that would be best."

I sighed loudly. "Look Jacob, I am sorry about you and Leah. I hope you can both find some happiness." We murmured our goodbyes and hung up. And then, he was gone. And, for once, I knew for certain that I would never speak to Jacob Black again.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like having the opportunity to give Aro a swift kick in the butt. Please review. ;)_**


	16. Confusion Between Fault and Fear

Finally. Bella and I would be having dinner together in less than fifteen minutes. I couldn't wait to see her.

Even though we'd been sleeping in the same house for a week… _Could it really only have been six nights?_ It felt like we'd been together for an eternity but also like hardly any time had passed at all. We'd been together constantly since we'd made our declarations to each other. But for the last few days we hadn't seen much of each other during the day.

I missed her. Terribly. She was, quite simply, everything to me.

I knew that she was giving up much more than I was to be together and this humbled me. I wanted to give her everything. Anything. Anything at all. I'd even move to the States, away from my family and friends if that's what she wanted. Hell, I'd move to the moon for her. But had I actually told her that? Tonight. I would tell her at dinner _tonight_.

I sighed again, thinking of how she'd looked when I'd peaked in on her after I'd woken up before her this morning… _For a change._ I gave a small chuckle.

Most mornings she had instinctively just _known_ when I would be waking up it seemed. She would rise and head down to the kitchen to make us breakfast before I could even knock on her bedroom door to say good morning.

I guess it was only fair. So far, I'd made dinner for us every night. I chuckled again. I _liked_ making us dinner. I enjoyed impressing her with my culinary knowledge and skills.

It was, of course, much more than that to me. It was a way for me to show her how much I loved and cherished her, without us… Sharing ourselves intimately.

I immediately became irritated again. Aro was not helping my urges at all. I wanted her to be my wife as of _yesterday_ and after three days, he had yet to return even _one_ of my phone calls.

I'd already spoken to my father about what Bella would need to do about her visa. It didn't sound too difficult.

As I was mulling over what he and I had discussed earlier in the day, I absently finished preparing our dinner. I had the cooker turned off by this point and was setting the dishes out, wondering why Bella was late when I heard the front door chime. _That's strange. _I'd given her a key. Had she forgotten it?

As I headed to the front door, I realized through the side window that someone was standing and fidgeting there that was much taller than my Bella.

I felt my eyebrows come together of their own accord. Who would be coming by this late in the day?

As I reached for the doorknob, I had the oddest sensation move through me. A foreboding, really. Peculiar. That was usually something only Alice experienced.

Whoever this person was, they were now knocking heavily on the door. Gracie came up behind me and I absently patted her.

As the door opened and I realized who it was, I involuntarily sucked in some air and Gracie took a step back and whined.

"Irina… _What are you doing here?"_ I tried to sound civil but it was rather difficult. Kate's sister had been quite… _Rude_ to me the last time she'd been at my family's home.

"Well. Hello to you too, Edward." She tilted her head slightly and simply stared at me.

"Yes? What is it? I can't imagine you're here just for a _social_ visit. Not that I would welcome even _that_ from you." I was beginning to get really irritated.

"Nice. I see you've lost none of your charm. Well, you must have _some_ since you've managed to get some poor unsuspecting girl to agree to marry you, yes?"

I'd moved from simply irritated to outright angry. "Goodbye Irina." Before I could close the door in her face, she continued. In a much louder voice, yelling at me through the slightly ajar door.

"Is she aware that you _murdered_ your first wife, Edward? Of course, even if you have shared that little fact with her, I'm sure it won't be long before you've managed to _abandon_ this girl as you did Kate."

I felt all my anger instantly dissipate… To be replaced by dread.

She had managed to splay out all my inner fears in only seconds. All the elation, happiness and downright _joy_ I felt from discovering Isabella dissipated like a puff of smoke. How appropriate. The smoke metaphor just made it more pronounced as to how wrong it was that I was attempting a relationship with someone like her, an angel. After all, she deserved something better than me, something more solid and _reliable_.

As I stood frozen with my hand still reaching for the door, Irina had apparently continued to speak but I'd missed much of what she'd said. She was now pushing the door open and stepping into the foyer. "…here's the court order, Edward. I'll take Gracie now. Whether you mind or not."

I felt papers being shoved into my hand and I automatically curled my fingers around them. She had a black leash that she deftly placed on the ring at Gracie's collar. I heard Gracie whimper as she was dragged out the front door by Irina, leaving with her almost as suddenly as she'd arrived.

I stood there, shocked and horrified for an immeasurable amount of time. At some point, I closed the door and slid to the floor against the foyer wall with the court papers still clutched in my hand.

Oh my God. _What had just happened? _

I knew what had just happened. I felt the color drain from my face.

I'd just been reminded of why I didn't deserve not only Isabella but Gracie as well. Irina was right.

It _was_ only a matter of time before I hurt her. Irreparably.

I dropped my head into my hands and began to wallow in my suddenly realized idiocy. Not only was I completely alone now but I _deserved_ to be alone.

I had to break off our engagement.

Could I do it? I had to. For Bella's sake. I had to protect her…

From myself.

~~:::~~

I ended up being almost twenty minutes late for dinner. As I went to unlock the front door, I realized it was already unlocked. Well, nothing too shocking about that. After all, it was a pretty quiet village and Edward knew that I was on my way over.

However, when I entered the foyer, I found him sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, his head in his hands and crumpled paperwork strewn all around his legs.

I whipped around, closing and locking the door. I then dropped to the floor next to him and gripped his forearm with both my hands. "Edward! What's happened? Are you hurt? Are you o.k.? What's hap…"

My voice caught in my throat when he looked at me. His eyes were completely empty. "We can't get married. I'm sorry." They were devoid of any emotion at all as he spoke to me.

He carefully removed my hands from his arm and slowly got up, heading for the living room. I stayed in my squatting position, rooted to my spot on the floor for several more seconds. And then…

I felt my eyes narrow to slits of their own accord and I went into full battle mode.

After everything I'd been through this day, I wasn't about to allow it to get _worse_. I felt my resolve coalesce in the pit of my stomach making me feel sure of myself and powerful.

There was no way, no way in HELL I was going to let him go easily.

Something had obviously happened. Something bad. But I was not going to run away with my tail between my legs.

That might have been what I would have done several years ago but not now. No. Way.

If I'd learned _anything_ from my experiences with Jacob, it was that you must fight, tooth and nail, for the things you believe in. He had not been willing to and I had allowed that to happen. I had simply given up.

Not this time.

What Edward and I had was worth a fight.

Even if _he_ didn't believe that at this precise moment.

As I reached the living room, I saw him standing at the back doors staring into the yard with his arms at his sides and his hands balled tightly into fists.

I took a deep breath, set my purse and keys down on the side table by the front door and methodically removed my boots. I walked to the large couch and sat carefully with my legs tucked under me.

"Edward, I'm not leaving you." I kept my voice even and low. Better to stay calm and start with the most obvious thing first.

He did not turn around as he spoke.

"You'll have to. I'll… I'll be moving out of this house to… Somewhere else. I can't tell you where… I…" His soft voice was gravely sounding as he spoke, as if he hadn't used his voice today before this point.

Very quietly I responded to his asinine rambling. "_Knock it off_, Edward. I am not leaving and neither are you." I took another deep breath. "Tell me what's happened."

Then I remembered that I needed to fight for this and I immediately changed my stance. "NO. Wait. Let me tell _you_ what happened to _me_ today." I stood up briskly from the couch and began to pace the living room rug from one fringed edge to the other.

"I met with your creepy and rude lawyer, Aro Volturi this afternoon. And you know what? I now know _why_ he didn't ever return your calls, Edward. He was working on getting my visa _revoked_. Yep. Oh! It gets better, though! He flat out told me that the only reason you were interested in me was because, and I quote, I was an 'insignificant passing fancy.' I was also informed that I was 'a gold-digger, insolent and venomous.' Isn't that nice?" At each comment I'd held my fingers up to do air quotes around them.

I could see his expression change in his reflection in the glass of the French doors and he looked bewildered and then… Pissed. Like, really, really _pissed_.

I was just getting warmed up now. As I continued to talk, my voice became more pronounced. I wasn't shouting though. I didn't think that was appropriate. However, as I continued, I was animated enough that I didn't even realize that Edward had turned from the windows and was now gaping at me, with his arms held loosely at his sides and his hands no longer balled, as I wildly gestured with my hands and arms, continuing to pour out my day to him.

"…Oh, yeah! WONDERFUL day in the life of Bella Swan! Angela, my supposed _best friend_, wouldn't listen to a word I was saying and told me I needed to get a _background check_ completed on you and your family. My dad, the guy that _should_ be worried that much about me, basically _blew me off_ because he was on his way out to go _fishing_! And to top it all off, JACOB, my soooooo _ex_-husband, called me to tell me that he was getting a divorce from Leah—like I should care!"

I finally stopped pacing, took a deep breath and noticed him staring at me. "So don't you _dare_ tell me that you're breaking things off with me, Edward Anthony Cullen! I've had about as much _absolute_ _crap_ as I can handle for one day!"

I stalked over to him and stuck my finger into his chest—hard. I also lowered my voice to a sultry but dangerous level. "I am not the same woman that married Jacob all those years ago. I have grown and matured into someone that will _fight_ for what I want and believe in. I absolutely, categorically, _refuse_ to let you give up on us. _Got it?_"

I backed away from him and sat back down on the end of the couch with my arms crossed over my chest for just a moment. I unfolded my arms from around my torso and put both my hands to my temples, massaging them gingerly with my eyes closed. "Now. Please tell me what happened that you felt compelled to attempt to _end our relationship_." As I finished speaking gently to him, I dropped my hands to my lap and looked up at him patiently, waiting for his explanation.

He continued to stare at me but now his head was tilted at an off angle and his eyes appeared to be sparkling. With anger or amusement, I wasn't sure yet.

Then he began to speak to me in a hushed tone. "Isabella Marie… I have never heard of a professional solicitor speaking to someone as Aro spoke to you today. Your friends… Your family…" He shook his head slightly. "I am… I don't even know… Well, there simply are not words to convey to you how sorry I am for all that happened to you today."

His voice took on a sudden, steely tone. "I will tell you what happened to me. I will also tell you that I based my _previous_ decision on fear." He took a very deep breath and placed one set of fingers at the bridge of his nose and squeezed while closing his eyes. "I do not want to continue to live my life in fear. So afraid of loss and hurt that all I end up with is emptiness."

He came towards me then, stealthily, like a predatory animal. It was rather erotic. As he reached me on the couch, he slowly dropped to his knees and reached out with his hands to wrap his fingers around the backs of my calves. He very gently pushed my legs slightly apart, moving my skirt almost up to my thighs and moved his body between them, while bending down and dropping his head into my lap. He began to caress the backs of my legs with his fingers. I automatically began to run my fingers through his silky but slightly tangled strands of hair.

He turned his head to the side as he spoke, resting his head against my thighs. I switched my hands so that one was resting on his upturned cheek and the other was brushing his hair behind his ear. He continued speaking to me but with a now hushed tone. "I'm sorry. I do love you so, so much. Can you forgive me? For my lapse in judgment? For doubting… Us?" His voice was low and pleading, and it had cracked on the last word as if he was afraid I wouldn't forgive him.

Silly, silly boy. "Of _course_ I forgive you Edward. I love you. I would do anything for you."

"I feel… I feel so exhausted right now. But you must feel even worse." He turned his head and kissed the tops of my thighs, moving his hands so they rested along each side of my upper legs on the couch but, ever the gentleman, he did not caress my backside with his fingers. "I love you, Bella. More than anything. I'm so sorry…"

"Edward." My voice was sharp. This had to stop—his gloominess. "I have accepted your apology. That part's over now. But you've got to explain to me what happened that would make you think that ending our relationship was some sort of _solution_." I told him exasperatedly.

He lightly trailed his thumbs around my hips and his fingertips along the side of each thigh, leaning back away from me slowly.

As he rocked back onto his heels in front of me, I placed my hands back into my lap, pushing my knees back together so I was sitting in a more lady-like way.

The movement of his hands faltered on my knees. However, he continued to sit back on his haunches until his forearms were resting on the tops of his thighs with his hands lightly clasped in front of himself. His eyes were now boring into mine.

"Isabella… I need to know. I need to be sure you understand that I am… Partially broken. My reaction to a bad situation should _not_ have been me basically shutting you out. I understand that you've forgiven me, rather easily I might add, but are you _truly_ o.k. with continuing our relationship knowing that a day like today could come again?"

I let out a short, sharp chortle and shook my head. "I hear what you're saying but… Really, Edward? You think I wouldn't take you as you are? If you can accept _me_, if I hadn't already chosen you, to be _with_ you, to _love_ you…" I shook my head and I felt a lone tear fall. "Leaving you now would quite simply _end _me, Edward. You're everything to me."

He stood up and moved to sit next to me on the couch. He reached out and took both my hands into his larger, warmer ones. "Of course. I feel the same way Bella. I didn't want to leave you because of _you_, I wanted to spare you… From what I might be capable of." He sighed and told me what Irina had told him and what she'd done.

When he'd finished telling me… Well, to say that I was infuriated would be a gross understatement.

"Ohhhh Edward… You need to show me the paperwork she left here and then we're going to call Alice and then your father." He agreed and so we got to work, attempting to piece together exactly what Irina had done that would allow her to take Gracie the way she did. Of course, I knew that Kate had been the original person to bring Gracie into their home, but Irina had shown no interest in her. Until now. We needed to get to the bottom of this weird mystery and get her back to us.

As we went over the papers she had practically thrown at him, I started going over in my head what he had just told me. How she had, for all intents and purposes, accused him of causing his wife's death.

"Edward…" This was something that needed to be put to rest once and for all.

"Hummm?" He was looking over one of the pages really closely, so he didn't look up right away when I began to speak to him. I reached over and placed one hand on his forearm until I had his full attention. He looked up rather quickly once I'd gently stroked his arm with my fingertips.

"Edward, I hope you've accepted that what happened to Kate was _not your fault_. That you know I would never think that or worry about such a thing about you. If I was diagnosed with cancer, you wouldn't blame _your_ grandmother who had had it, right? I mean, you do realize don't you that she could have survived what happened and then been killed in a car accident the following week… That wouldn't have been your fault either, you know."

He gave a mirthless chuckle. "I hadn't ever thought of it in those terms before. You're right, of course. I wouldn't." He turned to face me, dropping the paperwork he'd been perusing on the coffee table in front of us and reached out with one hand to hold my face. I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. "I had been seeing a therapist for quite a bit after everything that happened. And, it did help. But not as much as talking with you these past few months has helped me."

I sighed quietly as he continued to caress my cheek with his thumb. "I love you, Bella. We'll figure this out. Together."

I reached up with both my hands and pressed them against his as he cradled the side of my face. "I love you. I trust you implicitly. And once Gracie is back with us we'll get married. It's all I want now, Edward. To be together with you. Forever."

We smiled at each other and he released my face to drop his hand down to my knee and give it a gentle squeeze. "Forever." He agreed.

After almost twenty minutes, we realized there was something very, very wrong with Irina's paperwork.

Of course. It was all bogus.

We were about to head into battle mode but together this time. Edward's father had already sent him via a cell phone text a couple of names of lawyers that came highly recommended to help me with my immigration status. We were going to call Alice first to fill her in and then call one of the proffered solicitors to see if they could help with this bizarre situation when the phone unexpectedly rang.

Edward stood to answer his home line on the cordless phone that I'd left on the coffee table, and I watched his face alter from resolved to confused in an instant. "Tanya?"

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Reviews are like Bella finally cutting lose. Yeah, baby! You go girl! Please review this little story of mine! :)**_


	17. A Willingness To Fight For Happiness

**_A/N: I see from my traffic stats that there's plenty of people reading my story... But very, VERY few people are reviewing... Is it really that bad? Should I even keep posting? *sigh* It's hard to tell since I'm not getting very much feedback. For those few brave souls that have reviewed, thank you. From the very bottom of my heart, thank you. _**

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all STILL belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

**_Oh yeah, and, this is still unbeta'd._**

**_One last thing-I love ExB and their deep romance. Not as much as MY romance with MY very own Edward/Mature Jacob but... Yah know... :)_**

* * *

><p><em>We were about to head into battle mode but together this time. Edward's father had already sent him via a cell phone text a couple of names of lawyers that came highly recommended to help me with my immigration status. We were going to call Alice first to fill her in and then call one of the proffered solicitors to see if they could help with this bizarre situation when the phone unexpectedly rang. <em>

_Edward stood to answer his home line on the cordless phone that I'd left on the coffee table, and I watched his face alter from resolved to confused in an instant. "Tanya?"_

I knew that name. I immediately got up from the couch and went to him. I placed one hand on his hip and the other I rested on his chest. He automatically reached around my waist and pulled me tightly to himself with his free hand. I tried not to look worried so I wouldn't make things more uncomfortable for him.

"Yes. Yes… No…" After what seemed like an eternity his eyebrows furrowed and then… "Oh God! Of course. Please. NO, it's _fine_, Tanya. Yes. Yes, of course. We'll be waiting." He let go of me and moved a few steps back.

His eyes were now bright and expectant. "Tanya? Thank you. Thank you so much." He turned the phone off and tossed it into one of the comfy arm chairs. He ran his hands quickly over his face and then rubbed his messy hair vigorously with both of his hands, leaving them momentarily on top of head.

"Edward… What?…" I sounded confused and lost but I tried not to panic.

He came back to me quickly, wrapping his arms around me tightly, giving me a squeeze and kissing the top of my head. "Tanya, who I am sure you remember as being Kate's and Irina's older sister, just called to apologize profusely and is bringing Gracie back. Right now." I relaxed into him and he rubbed his hands briskly up and down my back. "She should be here in about half an hour, love."

"Oh! Edward… Thank God." As I hugged him fiercely he continued in a softer tone.

"Apparently, Irina had stopped seeing her therapist several months ago and that had apparently been a very, very bad idea. Tanya apologized on her behalf but did not excuse her obviously criminal behavior. She even promised to support us if we took legal action against her." He carefully reached with one of his long, elegant fingers and gently pulled my chin up so he could see into my eyes. "I don't know that that's necessary as long as Tanya brings Gracie back, do you?"

I stared into my almost-husband's eyes for a few seconds before answering the way he knew I would. "Of course not. But let's reserve judgment until Gracie's actually here with us, o.k.?" I then gave him a stern look. "But you may want to think about getting a restraining order or something like it. Just in case."

He chuckled softly as his eyes grew slightly round. "Well. Alright then. That's probably the prudent thing to do." He wrapped his arms around me again and I now had both my arms and hands nicely trapped against his chest. As he continued to speak he began rocking me back and forth. "Isabella… I love you so, so much."

I couldn't help myself. I began to hum against his chest. I was never going to record any songs but I could at least carry a tune. He began to hum along with me and we both started chuckling. He stopped rocking us and stepped back from me while taking one of my hands in his. "Love, come here." He began walking backwards towards the music room.

My eyes grew wide as I realized what he was about to do. "Are you finally going to play for me?"

He nodded sheepishly at me. "Yes, sweetheart. I think it's time I shared something with you." He sat down at the piano bench while still holding my hand in his. He maneuvered me to sit next to him on his right side. Once we were sitting side by side, he lifted the cover away from the keys and placed his hands over them but before he began to play, a small jolt went through his body. I looked up quickly into his face in alarm and he had closed his eyes and was now rapidly shaking his head.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He'd whispered harshly under his breath.

He pulled his hands back from the keys slowly. "I have one more thing to apologize for, my Bella." He closed his eyes and reached his right hand into his jean's front pocket. Before it registered as to what the object was, he'd already placed it back on his left hand's ring finger.

Ah. He'd taken his ring off when he'd thought he needed to end our relationship to protect me. From himself.

His right hand was now tightly gripping his upper thigh, which was slightly bouncing. He was slowly flexing and un-flexing his left hand over the keys but had not touched them yet.

I reached my left hand out, placing it on top of his right and slightly pushed down, to silently request that he stop his leg from moving. As he stopped his movement I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was surreptitiously looking down at our hands. I wiggled my fingers for his benefit. "It's o.k. Edward. I know you were just trying to protect me. Besides, you're not really supposed to be wearing a ring yet. Mine is good for both us, though, don't you think?"

He sighed and reached over with his left hand to grip mine tightly. "I'm still sorry. But I promise to love and cherish you forever to make up for it. O.k.?"

I sighed back. "Yes." I placed my other hand on top of his and patted. "Now, come on, let's get this show on the road Mr. Almost-husband." I released his hands and placed mine into my lap, staring up at him through my eyelashes.

"Beautiful…" He whispered softly.

After staring at me for a few seconds he sucked in a deep breath, then placed his hands on the piano's keys and began to play. He closed his eyes in concentration and I realized that the amazing, gorgeous song he was playing for me was coming from his memory and not from the sheets scattered in front of us.

It was haunting. Stunning, really. The notes seemed to float around the room like snowflakes. I closed my eyes and could almost feel a cold breeze tickle across my skin. Before I reached up to hold my arms around myself, the song changed into something… Ethereal. Now it wasn't as cold as it was dreamy, like watching clouds skim by. It was like listening to heaven. After a few more minutes, the song altered again and it reminded me of a quiet but sunny day after a light rain. Clean and unfettered. As he wound the song down to its sweet ending, I felt a tear slide down my cheek. It was so gorgeous. Just like him.

He had stopped playing and before I could stop myself, I had thrown my arms around his neck. "Edward! That was… The most amazing thing I think I've ever heard."

In one swift move he'd gotten up from the piano bench, placed one arm under my knees and the other behind my shoulders, lifting me up to cradle me to his chest and began carrying me back to the large living room couch. "Bella…" He said my name so reverently, so lovingly as he stared deeply into my eyes. "I wrote that for you. When you stopped appearing along the back fence during your daily walks all those months ago, I couldn't place why I was so sad. So melancholy. Then, after Gracie took off to find you, I stayed with my parents for a little while… I hadn't been able to face playing for so long… And then _this_ song just wouldn't leave me… I simply had to start composing again. Thank you, my love."

He gently pressed his cool lips to mine as we reached the sofa but before he laid me down across the cushions, I was practically attacking his mouth with my own. After less than a minute but what felt like an eternity he was sliding his tongue along my bottom lip. I immediately granted him access and we both moaned. We were now gripping each other tightly, kissing deeply and passionately.

He had begun caressing my ribs with one hand while holding me tightly against his chest. We both said each other's names and began tumbling onto the couch when the doorbell rang.

If you've ever stood in front of a powerful waterfall or watched a cloudburst from your window, you'll understand what I mean when I say that to turn off what we had just started seemed impossible. It felt like we were swimming upstream or that we were trying to ask a hurricane to stop.

But we did.

Panting and now embarrassedly chuckling, we both straightened our clothing, took a few deep breaths to calm ourselves and headed to the front door hand in hand.

"We _will_ be coming back to that, Edward. But…" I looked up at him smiling brightly with one hand circling around his waist and the other slightly fisted into the front of his shirt. "I'm so relieved and happy to be welcoming Gracie home."

He was still slightly breathless but he managed to give me my favorite crooked grin and a small chuckle before he reached the door to answer it. "Bella, I couldn't agree with you more." He placed one hand on the door knob and the other he used to pull me tightly into his side.

We were both feeling giddy and relieved all at once as he opened the front door. We knew Gracie was coming home to us.

We were greeted by a beautiful and suddenly perplexed-looking woman. She was tall, almost as tall as Edward, with long, wavy strawberry-blonde hair. She had high cheekbones and ice-blue eyes with darkly-colored and shapely eyebrows. She reminded me of a Russian princess. After she had given us the once over and had lingered on my left hand that was wound tightly into the front of Edward's shirt, she gave a small gasp and her eyes widened in surprise. When he gave my middle a slight tug to pull me into his side tightly, she went from looking perplexed to surprised and then… Happy.

"Ahhh, Edward! It's very good to see you… So happy." As she spoke, her smile grew wide and she brought Gracie around from behind her to walk past her side and towards Edward, handing him her leash as she did so. "And I suppose this will make you both happier still!" She laughed a clear and cheerful note.

As Edward took Gracie's leash, she was wagging her tail so hard I was worried she might hurt herself. She even let out a small bark. Tanya gave another joyful laugh looking at Edward quickly and then over at me. Her eyes were twinkling as she addressed him.

"So, who is this lovely young woman, Edward? She is simply enchanting." As she spoke she reached tentatively for my hand to shake it.

I grasped her hand tightly. "Thank you for bringing Gracie back to Edward… Well, and me too." I smiled warmly to her. After all, it wasn't her fault that her sister had such obviously severe problems.

Edward nodded his head to Tanya in recognition of how she had greeted me. "Thank you Tanya. For everything. Yes, this beautiful young lady is Isabella Swan, my fiancé." He gave me another quick squeeze and smiled down at me lovingly.

I tried to fight the blush I felt creeping up my face. To no avail. Edward grinned at me and shook his head slightly. He suddenly looked back at our guest. "We should probably get going, Tanya. We need to reacquaint ourselves with Gracie, I think. Thank you again for bringing her back to us. Words cannot express how happy you've made us." He reached his hand out for hers.

She gladly and graciously took his hand to shake it warmly. "You're certainly welcome. Both of you. Congratulations and I am again so sorry about my sister's… Issues, causing you both such trouble. Thank you for being so generous and understanding. Please call me if you need anything." At that, she turned back to her car and was quickly gone.

We stood at the front door for a few more seconds and both sighed. We let go of each other and began to pat and scratch Gracie to her little dog heart's content.

Finally. We were together, happy and at peace.

~~:::~~

We ended up spending the night on the couch in the living room, the same as we had our first night together, so we could be with Gracie and enjoy the fireplace keeping us all warm.

The morning light was filtering into the room through the silk curtains at the French doors off the music room. Bella was now sitting on the floor with Gracie, telling her all about the wedding, the reception, her plans for her cottage, and some miscellaneous items regarding me. I think it was Bella's way of subtlety letting me know all about her plans. I shook my head. _Silly girl._

I had been thinking about her plans for her cottage when I heard her tell Gracie about it. As she was brushing Gracie's hair for the umpteenth time that fine Saturday morning, I asked her to give me all the particulars. I was combing through Bella's locks with my fingers as I lounged on the couch behind her.

"Well, it only makes sense. I'm already practically living here in sin with you, Mr. Cullen. And obviously, after we're married and I'm your wife…" She stopped brushing Gracie's hair and giggled suddenly. "Yay! Anyway, even though it's too cute for _me_ it would be perfect for most other people. A self-catered rental place in this part of Sussex would do fairly well, Edward." As she finished speaking she was finally finished with Gracie.

I got up from the couch, taking Gracie's brush from her as I rose and called her to me. I opened the back door, setting her brush down by her doggie bed and ushered her out to do her morning business.

It amazed me yet again how well our lives fit together—I thought of the puzzle pieces again. I couldn't imagine my life without Bella in it. We were so in sync in our thoughts and actions, that I wondered how I'd ever gotten along without her.

I turned back to see my Bella laid out on the floor, stretching for all she was worth—her arms were held high and gracefully above her head, with her back arched to the point that her stomach and cute little belly button were showing under the hem of her t-shirt, which had managed to creep up her torso. I felt a smile slowly grow across my face as I continued to watch her. I could see her lovely boy short panties and I felt myself drawn back to her suddenly.

She sat back up from the floor and I carefully laid down on the couch behind her with one of my arms behind my head and the other I had started gently pulling through her hair again. The only difference from a few minutes ago to the present was that I was deftly reaching for the curlier hairs at the base of her neck with my fingers. She let out a small yawn as she reached back with her arms to catch my hand in hers.

She pulled it over her shoulder and began playing with my fingers. "I can see why you play piano, Edward. You have lovely hands…" Even though her back was to me, I was so in-tune with her now that I heard her barely whispered sigh.

It was simply too much.

She was too beautiful, too graceful, too… Perfect. I craved her.

I reached over with my other hand and began pulling her up to me on the couch by her waist. She quickly realized what I wanted and stood up, turned around and sat very close to me on the couch—but not directly on my body—with her hands and forearms resting against my chest.

She didn't lean in to kiss me good morning, however. She must have seen the want and yearning for her held deeply within my eyes and instead she caressed my face with her fingers. I had moved my hands from her waist and was now running them slowly up and down her back, trying to urge her silently to cover my body with her own.

She spoke quietly. "Edward, I know it's difficult, I do. But… We promised we'd wait…"

She looked at me through her eyelashes and I felt suddenly sad. I dropped my arms back to her waist and leaned deeply into the cushions behind me. "Fine. I know. I just…" I moved one arm from her waist to quickly drape it across my eyes and gave a small huff. Spoiled brat much? Yeah. That's apparently me now.

She was right though. I _did_ want to wait. It was simply the right thing to do. I wanted our first time to be beyond special. I wanted it to be memorable. It always surprised me as to how easy people found themselves having sex without any understanding of the consequences.

Oh, of course people worried about the physical consequences easily enough—disease and pregnancy—but no one seemed to want to take into account the _emotional_ consequences.

It is, simply put, the most intimate thing two people can share together. Becoming completely and utterly one with each other.

And I obviously had reverted back to a 17-year old horny teenager and completely forgotten that for a moment.

I peeked out from under my arm to look at Bella—and she was holding back giggles. Until our eyes met, that is.

"Oh my God, Edward. Did you just pout!" She was laughing at me openly now.

She always knew how to lighten the mood between us. We'd really only fought a few times and we'd quickly come to a compromise or a solution each time. I sighed and dropped my arm from my eyes, taking her hands into mine and lacing our fingers together across my chest.

"Yes. Yes I did." I let out a long breath. "I'm sorry Isabella. I promise to be more gentlemanly in your presence."

I then gave her my best wicked grin. "Until the honeymoon, that is. Then, all bets are off!" I suddenly lashed out towards her and began tickling her sides. "Moohahaha! What do you think of that, my darling! Hummm?"

She was laughing hysterically from my tickling and my declaration when Gracie came back into the living room. She gave a slight whine and that's when I realized no one had had any breakfast as yet.

I stopped tickling Bella and went to help her up off the floor that she'd ended up on after my ministrations. She took a swipe at me but didn't put much force behind it.

"Evil, _evil_ man." She had a small smile playing across her face and was chuckling to herself.

As she headed to the kitchen with Gracie, I got up to close the back patio door and then stood by it, staring out over our backyard.

Bella quickly returned from feeding Gracie her breakfast and wrapped her arms around my waist from behind, resting her cheek against my back. She murmured that she really wasn't hungry yet. I automatically reached up with one hand and gently rested it against one of hers, cradling her left hand with mine.

She tentatively began tracing a pattern with one of the fingers of her right hand against my chest. "Edward…"

I could hear the hesitancy in her voice as she'd whispered my name. I quickly reached up to hold her hands with both my own. "What is it, love? You can ask me anything Bella. _Anything_. You know that."

She extracted herself from my grasp and turned my body to face her. She reached up, cupped my face with her hands, and then held one finger against my lips.

She pulled in a small, nervous breath as she spoke. "Edward, I think I should _stay_ in the guest room." She did not break eye contact with me as she'd spoken.

She had stayed with me in the master bedroom instead of in the guest room just a couple of times but I understood what she was getting at. At first, I wanted to feel rejected. Then, I felt a sense of indignation slightly rise in my chest. Before I could speak any of my rebuttals out loud to her, however, she pressed her finger against my lips more forcefully.

"Don't. You know I'm right. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to be sleeping in your arms every night, or that I believe you're incapable of continuing to be a gentleman."

I felt my ire immediately dissipate at her words. She knew me so frighteningly well… She continued to speak softly to me, removing her finger slowly from my lips as she did so.

"It's simply the right thing to do, for both our sakes. Besides, I'm fairly certain it will only be for a very short period of time." She smiled up at me mischievously.

I felt my mouth lift of its own accord into the smirk she seemed to love so much. "What, pray chance, have you done, Mrs. Almost-Swan-Cullen?"

She giggled and looked up at me through her eyelashes while she stepped closer to me and wrapped her arms around my middle. I automatically claimed her waist tightly with my hands. "I've already gotten my Certificate of Approval from the U.K. Border Agency, so we can visit the Registrar's office in Chichester anytime to register. Then we only have to wait two weeks to be married by the Registrar. Soooo, we'll be husband and wife before Christmas. Pretty nice Christmas present for us, don't you think?"

I was fairly certain that if I hadn't already been hanging on to her waist, I would have simply jumped up and down in place. However, since I had her held rather tightly I simply picked her up and spun her around me, pulling her close to my chest and laughing loudly. She gave me a gloriously bright and beautiful smile as I did so, giggling and hanging on to my forearms with a firm, happy grip.

I slowed and set her down gently at my feet, never letting go of her slender waist. "Bella… I love you more than I can possibly ever fully express." I kissed her forehead loudly as I finished speaking.

She closed her eyes contentedly. When she opened them to gaze lovingly up at me, I saw her desire mount quickly. "Oh, I'm sure you'll find a way Edward…" Her voice had even become slightly husky.

My little seductress. My God, could I love her any more thoroughly than I did already? Apparently, yes, I could.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack, my love?" My voice cracked slightly.

She grinned and chuckled at me wickedly. "No. Not before our wedding night." Her head was tilted just off to the right slightly and I think I did almost have a heart attack. Especially as her next words escaped her lips. "We've both been married before Edward… So why do I feel like we're both virgins again? I feel so nervous…" As if to punctuate her statement, her hands slid from my arms and a slight blush now stained her pretty little cheeks.

_How?_ How could she go from a too tempting seductress to an angel in mere seconds? I knew that I would spend forever working that one out and I was glad. I planned on spending _an eternity_ working out the inner parts of her mind and spirit.

I suddenly remembered a question I had desperately wanted to ask her before everything had gone to hell and back with ours and Gracie's recent ordeal.

Before I could get the words out, however, Bella gracefully walked over and sat in one of the large arm chairs in front of the fireplace, tucking her feet under her legs with her hands clasped together in her lap. "Edward, I know what I just said probably sounded ludicrous to you but when you told me how you felt about sex before marriage, I really started thinking about what that means… Did you wait with Kate? Was she… Was she your first?" The last part of her question was said so softly and quietly I almost didn't catch it. Almost.

I sighed as I sat across from her in the other wingback, with my hands resting lightly on my knees. "Isabella, I truly meant what I said, what I _have been_ saying for a while now. You can ask or tell me anything. Nothing about that part of our relationship has changed or will change. We communicate on a level I've never experienced with anyone else, ever. So please, don't worry." I waited until she looked up into my eyes again and she nodded her head for me to continue. "Yes. I waited. And yes, she was my first. I, however, was not hers." I watched, fascinated as my Bella blushed deeply but I also saw the resolve form in her eyes to continue to listen to me without looking away.

"I know you told me that Jacob was… Well, he was it for you. I promise to be understanding of any insecurities you may have if you promise to do the same for me."

If it were possible, she actually blushed a deeper shade of pink and nodded her head quickly. "O.k. Good. I love you and I only want to share that with you, for the rest of my life, Bella. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" I wanted her to know that nothing about our pasts should have an impact on _our_ level of intimacy. I looked into her eyes deeply and held her gaze for several seconds longer than normal.

Her voice was a little bit shaky but firm. "I want to discover what true, lasting and intense love really _feels_ like Edward. So yes, I understand what you're saying. I want to experience deep passion and intimacy with you. I think that's why I mentioned what I did a little bit ago. It feels very, very different with you. That sense of almost an electrical current between us when we touch… I've never felt anything like that before. With anyone."

I felt it right then, as her words had trailed off to a whisper.

I slowly got up, bending to my knees in front of her, resting my hands gently on the tops of her thighs, curling my fingers around them. "Exactly. That's exactly how I feel." I whispered to her.

I reached up tentatively with one hand and cupped her still warm cheek, touching the shell of her ear with the tips of my fingers. I leaned forward slowly, wetting my lips and kissed the other side of her face almost reverently. As I pulled away from her face, our eyes remained locked.

I stood and held my hand out to her. "Let's sit on the couch and talk a bit more, love. I've got some important questions I think we need to work out about this wedding of ours."

She immediately took it, weaving her fingers tightly with mine and followed me to the couch. Gracie had come back into the living room from the kitchen, and was now seated comfortably in her bed. She gave us one long look, yawned, and put her head down on her paws as if to say 'goodness would you two just get married for crying out loud?'

I let out a sharp chuckle and shook my head at Gracie. "Gracie can't seem to wait for us to get married."

As we sat down, Bella looked over at her and smiled. Gracie lifted her head slightly and gave a small 'woof' as if to punctuate what I had just said to Bella. Bella giggled and as she looked back towards me, she almost took my breath away with how happy she looked in that moment.

We talked about the wedding for a little bit, and I let her know that I thoroughly agreed with her that since both us had already had 'big' weddings, it made complete sense that we would go the simple route for our union. I wanted it to be effortless, just like our relationship. We would invite my family as well as Emmett and Rosalie to be there with us at the Registrar's office, to share the moment with them as well as have them act as witnesses for us. She had decided to send her father and Angela announcements but wasn't worried about them actually being at the ceremony. She would be insistent about their attendance to the reception, which we had tentatively planned for mid-July.

"Are you sure, love? I don't want you to regret anything about our nuptials." I gave her my sternest look.

She giggled at me. "Oh Edward. I'm almost thirty and I've been married before. Angela has been less than supportive, she has small children that wouldn't travel well, especially coming all the way to England for just a few days in the dead of winter. And my dad…" She quietly sighed. "My dad will be fine as long as you're not a criminal and I'm happy. Don't worry about it."

I felt torn. I wanted to do the right thing and go and see him to seek out his blessing or at least give him a call and speak to him myself. But she was right. She was a grown woman and I knew she had a semi-strained relationship with her father. I was sad for her. I had such a fantastic relationship with my parents that I was perturbed she didn't with hers. I decided I would ask my father for some advice but I would probably be giving her dad a call in the next few days anyway. It was the right thing to do.

But there was nothing I could do to change her relationship with her father right now. I could only encourage and support her in that endeavor. I had been shocked to discover that her mother had died when she was very young, just two, so there was certainly nothing I could do about that relationship.

I hoped that she would soon have the opportunity to get to know my mother much better… She had taken several of Alice's and my friends in as surrogate children when we'd been younger, so I knew how 'motherly' my mum could be. Bella had seemed to bond quite well with her when we'd gone to see my parents for lunch.

Well, it was now or never with my earlier question.

I took both her hands in mine and turned us on the couch so we were facing each other. "Bella, I have to ask you something really important. Especially after everything you've just stated. And I want you to know that you need to be completely honest with me, because no matter what, I'll be by your side. Even if that means we have to move somewhere else for you to be at your happiest." I took a deep breath and she looked up at me curiously.

She felt confident enough in our relationship that she wasn't afraid of what I might ask but she had no idea where I was going either. Her eyes sparkled and I could almost visibly see the proverbial wheels turning in her head.

I gave her my best smile as I squeezed her hands a little bit tighter. "Sweetheart, if you feel that this, England, is only a temporary home for you, if you'd feel more at home back in the States, you know that we could do that, right? Would you like to move back?"

I could actually see the emotions fly across her face as she worked on forming her answer—anger, confusion, realization, love—she then leaned forward, locking her hands around my neck and pulled herself onto my lap. I was slightly taken aback. I ended up with my left hand on her backside and the other griping her waist. Our faces were mere inches apart.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, I left home for a reason. To make a new one. I will admit that when I first came I assumed it would be for only a few years… Then I fell in love with my village, then with a beautiful animal named Gracie, and then with a gorgeous, gentle, amazing man—you. I have no intention of ever leaving our home." As she'd stated the last part, she'd released her hold on my neck with one hand and swept it gracefully around the room, letting me know exactly what she meant by 'our' home. Her home.

As her hand came to rest back on my shoulder, I brought her body flush with mine, reached up from her waist and gently pushed the locks of her hair that had fallen into her face from her movements.

I looked as deeply as I could into her eyes but I did not kiss her. Not yet. "Isabella Marie Swan, this is your home, Gracie is just as much yours as mine, and I couldn't give you any more of myself than I already have—you own me completely."

My lips found hers. Softly at first, then more urgently. I now had one hand cradling her cheek as I wove the other through her silky hair. We became lost—lost in the moment, in each other. We continued to move magically in synchronization with each other for several minutes. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips as we broke apart for air. We whispered our adoration and love to each other as our foreheads rested together. As our breathing became more steady, I recognized the music that was playing in the background.

She had turned the radio on in the kitchen as she'd come back into the living room earlier. It was so quiet and peaceful in the room that we could hear it quite clearly. The current song was by the Fray, 'Look After You.'

"Do you know this song my love?" I kissed her forehead delicately as I spoke.

She hummed a little in response to my kiss and then lifted her head, slowly opening her eyes to gaze into mine. "Yes. It's perfect. I like their song 'Never Say Never' for this moment too."

I knew the song she meant. "Good choice." I ran my nose along her jaw to the shell of her ear. "I love you. So. Much." I kissed her earlobe and then gave a tiny lick against her neck. She moaned and her grip around my neck tightened.

I chuckled at her reaction. "Sorry love. I shouldn't tease you." I gave her a big, sloppy kiss against her cheek. "Are you hungry for breakfast yet? Or should we just skip to lunch?"

My Bella leaned her head far, far back and laughed. I couldn't help the strong desire that flooded through me at that moment. She was exquisite. With her long, wavy mahogany hair flowing like a warm river behind her and her lovely, peaches-and-cream colored skin exposed to me so temptingly, as the entire length of her neck was stretched out before me. She was a vision. It took everything in me to be a gentleman at that moment. I wanted to overwhelm her with deep and pleasurable feelings. I wanted to worship her body. I kept my yearnings under tight control, however.

I could do all those things on our honeymoon.

I'd already been tossing around in my head to take her to the South of France. I just hadn't decided if I would take her inland to Provence or to somewhere along the coast. It just needed to be somewhere quiet and private. I had a few more days to decide.

While I'd been enjoying my musings under a haze of lust, Bella had removed herself from my lap and now sat cross-legged on the couch next to me. She had one hand resting on my knee and the other was holding her chin with one finger tapping against her cheek.

"Edward, I really was a bit shocked just now that you asked about moving to the States for me. I hope I've made it abundantly clear that I don't want to live anywhere else but here in our home, together. But also, didn't you tell me you were beginning work on your dissertation for your PhD? That would be no easy task to change schools at this point, let alone countries…"

She was right of course. It wouldn't be easy. "Love, there would be nothing easy about it. But that wouldn't matter to me as long as you were happy. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I'm not glad you want to make this, right here, our home together, however. I'm not that altruistic."

She gave a small laugh and shook her head at me. "O.k. That's fair. I'm glad we've always been honest with each other. Actually, I can't imagine being anything _but_ honest with you, sweetie."

Her eyebrows came together slightly as she formed her next question for me. "Edward, are you o.k. with my plans for the cottage? You never really stated what you thought one way or the other."

"Honestly? It sounds like a perfect plan. As long as you're o.k. with total strangers living in your cottage, only a short walking distance from our main residence."

"Hummm… Yeah. I'm o.k. with it. Since we're going to be married to each other so soon, I think I'd better get all my personal belongings out as soon as possible…" She trailed off towards the end of speaking and a look of utter confusion crossed her face.

"What is it sweetheart?" I felt a small pucker suddenly form between my eyebrows.

"Um, I don't have a lot of stuff, Edward, but… Where am I going to put it all? I've got tons of books but not a lot of other stuff, really… Maybe you could lend me a couple of drawers from your filing cabinet in your office or something for my personal paperwork. I, um…" She looked around her confusedly with her hands now resting on her lap.

I hadn't really thought much about the details regarding us being married. Most people didn't meet, fall in love, and become husband and wife in less than six months. We'd be managing it in less than three. We'd need to combine our belongings, obviously, I just hadn't given it a lot of thought as to _how_ we'd accomplish combining our lives completely.

"Well, let's discuss this. Let me get some paper and a pen. Let's make this as painless as possible." As I got up to gather what we'd need to work out a plan, I realized that she'd sounded unsure again. Understandable I suppose.

As I headed for the kitchen, I called out to her over my shoulder. "Listen love, I want to make sure you understand that this is your house now too. I've already had our _new_ family lawyer add you to everything—the house, the cars, the bank accounts. Also, I know you said you loved the way it was decorated and the general set up but really… This is your home now."

I came back with the paper and a couple of pens and handed her a magazine with a couple of sheets of paper and one of the pens. "So, let's make a plan to combine our lives, how's that?" I smiled encouragingly at her.

A smile slowly spread across her face as she responded to my calm explanation of how much we were together in all of this. "Edward, you are, by far, the best guy in the universe." She grinned at me and then swept her hair back from her face as she grew contemplative.

"Are you bringing any of your furniture?" I had my pen poised over the paper so I could write down a list of what she wanted to bring over and incorporate into what was already in the house. "Are there any items here that you could live without?"

She tapped her pen against her cheek as she responded thoughtfully. "You know, I wasn't kidding at all when I said I love your… I mean, _our_ place." She giggled at her slip. "But just so you know, I bought the cottage fully furnished. The only things I've added in regards to furniture has been a new mattress set and some decorative items. Soooo, since I already know that I feel pretty comfy in _our_ bed that's already here, I don't need to bring my mattresses over, that's for sure." She giggled again.

I sighed. "We're not going to get far with this combo-list if you don't start getting serious about this, missy." I frowned at her.

"O.k., o.k. You're right. Well, about the book shelves in your bedroom… The master bedroom… Our bedroom… Oh good grief! This just shouldn't be this hard for me!" She stood suddenly and threw the blank paper down on the couch next to me.

She started pacing and tapping the pen she still held it in her hand against her thigh. "O.k., here's the deal." She glanced over at me with steel in her eyes but still gave me a quick smile. "I think you really mean what you've been telling me, so, I'm going to go all chick-like on you and tell you how things are going to go. You just need to keep up with me, writing it all out, o.k.?" She was pacing like a mad woman now. I was impressed. She was pretty formidable when she'd made her mind up about something.

"O.k. Shoot." I was ready for her onslaught.

"I have _a lot_ of books. You've seen my library. There's no actual library here. You've got a ton of shelves in the bedroom and the office… How about we convert your office into a library 'slash' man-office?" She continued. "Then, you could move the more obscure books you don't really read often from the bedroom to the new library, and then I'd have room for the books I read over and over where I'd be reading them the most…"

She glanced over at me. I was tapping my pen on the side of the pad of paper as I was listening to her. I squinted at her a little bit. "Ooo.k. That sounds good. However, you're a writer. You need an office all for yourself. How about the basically empty room next to the… Library?" I smiled at her. "Then, we could keep the guest room, well, a guest room."

She returned my smile. "We really are best friends, aren't we?" She asked me quietly.

"Yes. Always. Forever, my love."

After another hour and a half, we'd almost completely hashed out a workable plan for incorporating our separate lives into one of unity and organization.

I was pretty proud of myself. And my Bella.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like getting a beloved pet back. Well, nothing can really compare to that but I'd still really love it if you reviewed my story! :)_**

**_Wanna see the photos that coincide with my story? Go to  
>wooleywews(.)blogspot(.)comp/across-ocean-blue-pics(.)html  
>But remember to remove all the parenthesis first.<em>**


	18. A Different Kind Of Future

**_**_A/N: I received some lovely reviews from LoveRob, lolalives, and elisabeth2me. Thank you, thank you! I can't believe how much reviews mean to me, but they do. How else would I know what people think of my writing? Come on, people, share your thoughts. I'll send you a teaser for the next Chap if you do… )_**_**

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all STILL belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

* * *

><p>Bella and I spent the following week after our discussions about incorporating our separate lives into one by boxing up and moving her personal effects to our now shared home.<p>

We'd called Alice, Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie to invite them for dinner on Sunday of that same week. So, at Bella's insistence, we spent most of that week putting all her important belongings where we'd decided they needed to be. Some of her decorative pieces were… Interesting.

I was pretty sure mine and Gracie's favorite so far was the large, metal milk can holding umbrellas and walking sticks that now sat by the living room's French doors. She was creative and cute and she was already making a marked improvement to the homey feel of the house.

I simply really liked her taste in funky home décor.

We didn't have her office furniture as yet but we had the basic layout figured out already. For colors, she had picked out a pale sky blue for the walls and white for the trim and added wainscoting. We'd decided that the Library would remain painted in its deep, dark red, with the guest room eventually being changed from white to a light grey-green, except for the trim which would remain white. We'd also decided that the master bedroom would remain white and light beige—It made it feel bright and airy even in the winter. It was really all going to be quite nice. Why it continued to amaze me that our tastes were so similar and agreeable was beyond me.

On Saturday afternoon, I was finishing up some paint work in her office when she came to check on me.

She was teasing me about some of my literary choices and I told her that I didn't think that was a wise decision, seeing as how I had a loaded paintbrush in my hand.

She became very quiet and we stared at each other for several long seconds before we both broke out into laughter.

She helped me clean up and we took a quick tour of our home with Gracie before taking her out for a strenuous walk.

As we were walking back home, she became thoughtful. "The house really does look like I've always been there…" She sounded awestruck.

"I don't know why you sound so surprised. I think you've been living here in spirit since you started walking along that back fence. Ask Gracie. She'll confirm it." I grinned at her.

She laughed. "You know, I think you're right. Did I ever tell you that I was never quite sure if someone lived in this house or not when I'd stop at your back fence? But I always wondered…" We were currently returning from our walk and going through the back gate as she'd spoken. She looked at me with her eyes slightly squinty and I chuckled at her.

As I removed Gracie's leash and watched her run to the back patio doors, I held the gate open for Bella to walk through. "And what did you think, as you stood back here and stared at this lonely, quiet house?"

I'd only been joking but as we walked to the door to head back into the house, she grasped my mitten-covered hand in hers. "It _was_ lonely for you, wasn't it?" She sounded heartbroken.

I didn't answer her right away. As we came into the house, heading to the kitchen for some tea, we both shed our boots, coats, mittens and other winter-walking paraphernalia. I grew thoughtful but realized she might take my silence as something ominous.

She had reached the kitchen before me and was now filling the kettle with water. Gracie was already eating some lunch from her bowl and I could see Bella's hunched posture as I stood in the entry. I'd been right. Silly, silly woman.

I walked up behind her, reaching over her and taking the kettle slowly from her grip, settling it onto its heating element, and turned the switch on.

I placed my hands on her shoulders, backing up slowly until I bumped into the kitchen island and leaned back against it while pulling Bella to my chest carefully. At my touch, she had immediately relaxed but I wanted her to hear the words, not just know how I felt through my actions.

As I wrapped my arms around her waist and stomach to hold her to me tightly, she tilted her head back and rested it against my chest. Her delicate fingers were now drawing patterns along my forearms as I held her.

I leaned my head down, nuzzling against her shoulder and then breathed her heady scent in deeply. I buried my face in her luxurious hair and whispered into her ear. "It doesn't matter. Now that I have you, nothing about my past matters. Now that I have you, I'm a complete person, Bella. Thank you. Thank you for making me whole."

She gave a shuddering breath and gripped my arms tightly. "Oh Edward… How I love you."

We stood like that, staring out at the yard through the kitchen window, holding each other tightly until the kettle came to a boil. I whispered into her ear that I would go and start a fire in the living room if she'd be alright bringing in our tea. She nodded her head to me in agreement.

When she came into the living room a few minutes later, I'd just finished starting the fire. Our eyes met as I stood and she had just come upright from leaving our tea on the side table by the loveseat.

She looked at me carefully but determinedly. "You know that I feel the same way, don't you? That without you, I'd forever be missing a piece of my soul." She cocked her head to one side and gave me a serious smile.

I wordlessly held my arms straight out towards her and she quickly came to where I was. I sat us down on the loveseat, placing her carefully in my lap. She was tucked into my chest snuggly, curled into a ball like a kitten. She held my hand with one of hers and she had her other arm draped across my chest, resting her hand at the juncture of my neck and shoulder, tracing a pattern lightly into my skin with her fingertips. The hand of mine that wasn't holding hers in our laps was draped around her shoulders and back, as I lazily drew circles and figure-eight's on her lower back, just behind the curve of her hip. I had my head resting lightly against her forehead and every few moments I would press a light kiss into her hair.

Our tea sat forgotten for several minutes.

Then, the spell we had woven together morphed into something else. It wasn't broken. It simply changed.

As we altered our positions on the loveseat so we could drink our tea, we began quietly discussing all the places we'd like to go, what movies were our favorites, our most cherished memories of our families… On and on.

It was back to how things were between us when we had been building our relationship through our telephone conversations.

Of course, the difference now was that we were physically well attuned to each other, we knew we loved each other, and we were aware that we were each other's soul mates.

Really just a simple Saturday evening for us. At least that's how things felt they would be between us from that point forward.

And, if I had any say in the matter at all, it would _definitely_ be how things were between us… Always.

~~:::~~

Sunday morning was lazy and uneventful.

Just like it's supposed to be.

We read the paper together on the couch, with Edward propped up against one side and me on the other. We played footsie with our socked-covered feet and enjoyed our freshly brewed coffee.

After several hours of being indolent, we both grudgingly got ready for the day. We took a trip into Billingshurst for shopping, since we'd decided to go all out and have a proper English Sunday Roast dinner.

Edward and I worked side by side to get everything ready in time for everyone's arrival. Gracie constantly came in and out of the kitchen from the living room as if to check on our progress. Edward was sure she was just surreptitiously attempting to catch a dropped piece of the roast. Silly girl.

We joked, we laughed, we talked. It was very domestic and homey.

It was wonderful.

We had a very large standing rib roast, roasted carrots, onions, potatoes and parsnips, Brussels' sprouts, asparagus with lemon, a rich gravy made from the drippings and of course, Yorkshire pudding, with my special bread pudding for dessert—using egg nog instead of milk and thick-cut raisin bread instead of plain ol' white.

Yummy!

As our friends arrived at around three o'clock, they commented on how much warmer the home felt and how wonderful dinner smelled.

Dinner was delicious. The wine flowed and conversation was never lacking.

Towards the end of dessert, Alice raised her glass to all of us. "I'd like to propose a toast."

Everyone raised their glasses expectantly towards her.

"To my brother, a wonderful man, and to Bella, one of my best friends, I wish you all the happiness and love that's in my heart. I couldn't be happier that you've found each other." Her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears, as were mine.

I heard Edward and Emmett give small coughs before we all raised our glasses higher, with everyone saying "Here, here!" rather loudly. Jasper caught my eye and smiled conspiratorially at me, to let me know that he felt the same way as Alice. I was grateful for their friendship and their love for us. I nodded to him in acceptance of his affection.

Things were winding down and the guys were taking everything over to the sink to start the clean up process. I tried to protest but Rosalie took my elbow and asked me to give her a tour of the now 'Bella-fied', her word, not mine, house.

Alice was talking animatedly to Edward and didn't notice us, so I figured I'd give Rose a quick tour and show Alice around later. I took her upstairs to show her the changes to the bedrooms first.

She seemed friendlier to me than I'd ever seen her. She must have picked up on Edward's happiness and my contentment. I was glad. I didn't want any tension towards our relationship from any of Edward's family or friends. Ultimately, it didn't matter to me because I would be with him no matter what anyone else said or did, but it was still nice to feel like we had their support rather than their suspicion.

After leaving the Library, she got a little bit quiet. I think she was surprised I hadn't made more changes. Basically the only thing that _had_ changed in that room was that there were now more bookcases and books than there had been before.

It had felt wrong to me, doing anything drastic to that room—it was his office, after all—I respected Edward's need for solitude and his own space.

I told her as much.

She glanced at me with shock in her eyes. "Well, Bella, I have to say, I'm surprised. You apparently are just as solitary and thoughtful as Edward. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. You're good for him." She held my eyes for a few more seconds and then nodded her head. "I think I was just worried that you weren't going to be good enough for him. I'm glad to see I was mistaken."

As she'd spoken the last part of her statement, she'd continued towards the bedroom that was being turned into an office for me. I stood in the hallway stunned. I hadn't had anyone be so… Blunt with me before. It was kind of refreshing. Disconcerting, but refreshing none-the-less.

She and Emmett were truly proof that opposites definitely attract, I thought ruefully.

I was standing at the entrance of my future office and Rosalie was turning in a small circle in the middle of it. "Wow. This is really stylish. It's a nice contrast with the cool colors compared to the Library with all the dark wood and warm colors."

I nodded my head in agreement but didn't really say anything in response. I was thinking about what she'd just said and wondering how the others were doing downstairs. She continued speaking.

"So, what is this room going to be?" Before I could respond, she continued. "It would be a great nursery! When are you guys thinking you'll be ready to have children?"

I felt suddenly cold. A deep sense of shock. Apprehension. I could tell her words held no malice. None at all. But how could she ask me that? I knew that Rose was fully aware of Edward's past experiences with Kate and his feelings about the subject.

I was appalled. And oh so, so sad. _We could never have that. _

I felt the anguish of knowing deep within me that I could never _give_ Edward that.

I suddenly felt desolate.

I couldn't come up with words for a proper response. I did however manage to choke out that we hadn't thought that far ahead. As I turned to flee, I mumbled that I needed to use our upstairs bathroom and that I'd meet her back downstairs in a bit.

She called after me but gave up when she heard the master bedroom door close swiftly after my sudden exit.

After a few moments pause, I heard her footsteps retreat and head down the stairs.

I locked myself in our bathroom, sinking to the cold tile floor by the tub with my arms wrapped around my middle tightly. I didn't sob, however. I felt the tears slowly slide down my face as I played her words over and over in my mind.

I guess I could have just told her that we'd never be ready, and left it at that. But that would have been a lie and that's why I was sitting on our bathroom floor, crying and unable to move.

I had always wanted to have children.

I wanted to have Edward's child.

And I couldn't. Ever.

As I sat quietly crying for an immeasurable amount of time, I heard footfall on the bottom steps of the staircase and someone's muffled voice. I could just make out Alice asking Rose about me but I didn't hear her response. I heard sudden, quick footsteps on the stairs but then Edward's voice said something and the person, probably Alice, stopped. Her footsteps retreated slowly back down and the front door was opened with more muffled conversations held.

After a few minutes the front door closed again and it was eerily quiet. I heard Edward's slow footsteps as he headed upstairs towards the master bedroom. I quickly scooted over to the bathroom door on my hands and knees and unlocked it, then retreated back to my corner in the same sad position I'd been in before I'd heard him. I didn't want him to freak out if he couldn't get to me but I wasn't ready to leave the confines of the small but cheerful space.

He stopped in front of the bedroom door and called my name softly, knocking as he entered the room. I heard his quick intake of breath when he came to the realization that I wasn't taking a nap on the bed. His feet rapidly brought him to our bathroom door. Even though I was staying in the guest room, most of my things were in our 'shared' bedroom and I kept all my bathroom necessities in here.

He stopped again, tentatively knocking on the bathroom door. "Bella, sweetheart, are you feeling sick?"

I didn't respond but I couldn't stop the sob that suddenly came up and out of my chest unbidden.

The door flew open and the look of sheer panic on his face as he took in my location on the floor and my obvious emotional distress almost made me stop crying altogether.

He flew to me, kneeling in front of me, reaching out with his hands unsure where to touch me first. "Bella! What's happened? Are you hurt my love? What's happe…"

I launched myself off my knees and into his arms. "Oh Edward… I'm sorry… I'm fine…" I started crying again.

"Sweetheart, please, _please_ tell me what's the matter?" He held me tightly, rocking me rapidly.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to disappear… Rosalie…"

He cut me off viciously. "WHAT did she say to you Bella?"

"NO! No, it wasn't like that, Edward, not at_ all_. She was just curious about my office, the blue room, since I took her in there without actually stating it was going to be my office…"

He cut me off a second time but this time his voice was low and deadly. "I don't understand. If she wasn't being cruel or cutting towards you… What could she possibly say that would upset you _this_ much, my love?" He was still rocking me but he was now running his right hand through my hair, from the crown of my head all the way down to my waist.

I steeled myself. Then I spoke in a whisper. "She thought it would make a nice nursery…" He sucked in a breath. "…And wondered when we were planning on starting a family."

Before he could respond, I continued. "And I'm this upset not because she assumed we would want a family, because, really, why wouldn't we?" I gave a sad little huff of a chortle. "But I can't ever give you that…" The sobs began quickly then.

He groaned loudly. "Oh Bella… My beautiful, wonderful fiancé. My soon to be wife. You're my everything, you know that, don't you?"

My sobbing slowed and I nodded my head against his chest.

"Come here, love." He picked me up, cradled against his chest and took me to our bed, carefully laying me down on what would become 'my side.' He grabbed a loose throw that was at the end of the bed and draped it tenderly over me. "God, I love you so much. Can we talk about this a little more, sweetheart?" I looked up into his deep green eyes with my now wide brown ones, and nodded to him. He nodded back, laying on his side as he did so, taking me in his arms, kissing my forehead as he continued. "O.k. Thank you. I understand, I think, where Rosalie's head was at. She's never seen me this happy. Not even with Kate. She most likely assumed that I was 'over' my aversion to having children because of how much I obviously adore you."

He sighed into my hair. "I've told _no one_ Bella, not even my family about your infertility. There would be no reason for Rose _not_ to assume that we'd be taking that step. GOD I'm so sorry…" He held me tightly and then he cleared his throat.

"Are you alright? Did that help at all, what I just explained?" He started brushing my hair with his fingers again and I couldn't stop the hum in appreciation that started in my chest as he moved them slowly through my curls. He chuckled softly at my inability to be positively affected by him.

I turned and buried my face into his warm chest, trapping my hands against his pectorals. "Yes. It did. _You_ did. Thank you."

"I love you so much." He gave me a lingering kiss on my temple and then spoke against it. "I would never, ever, in a million years _demand_ anything from you the way Jacob did… But can I ask you something? About children…?"

I was pretty sure I knew where he was going with this.

Just because you can't give birth doesn't mean you can't have kids. Adoption, surrogate mothers, foster children… There were numerous ways to become a parent nowadays. I didn't really know how I felt about any of them so I wanted to listen to what he was going to say. I wanted to know exactly what he wished for.

"Yes… I'm feeling much better now. Thank you."

He placed his index finger under my chin to pull my face up to meet his. "I want to see into your eyes, Bella. I want to make sure there's no misunderstandings."

I nodded my head for him to continue and he slowly dropped his hand from my face to run it down my arm and my side to stop at my hip and rest there. "I know we can't get pregnant. I understand this. But if there was nothing wrong and I'd never been married before… Would you _want_ to have children with me, Bella?" He gave my hip a slight squeeze.

_What?_ How could he ask me that? I felt suddenly guilty. I never meant to make him feel as though I didn't want children with him. I just knew it was physically impossible and just never thought beyond that fact.

"Edward, I never meant to give you the impression I didn't _want_ children. I did. And I do… That's why I was so upset about Rose's assumption. I wish with all my heart that I could give you that. But…"

My voice started to roughen and my tears began to fall again but before I could continue, he gently brushed his fingers along my lips.

"Shhh. It's o.k. I didn't really think that. I just wanted to formally ask the question so that what I'm about to ask wouldn't fall flat." He gave me a small, slightly crooked smile and I slowly smiled in return. "So, would you be willing to adopt?"

His eyes were roaming across my face, attempting to decipher what my answer would be. He would not find the answer on my face this time because… I really had no idea.

"I don't know… Until about fifteen minutes ago, I'd never gotten beyond the fact that I simply can't have children physically." I had a sudden, sobering thought. It was actually a fairly critical question…

I brushed my fingers along his jaw and stared into his eyes. "Edward, if you were terrified of ever getting someone pregnant again, how are you going to handle the ups and downs of having small children? They're not exactly accident-proof. Crap happens, you know."

I saw the realization of what I was asking creep across his face. His eyes grew large and he opened his mouth to respond but no sound came out. His lips slowly met after a few moments and then he closed his eyes and groaned. He rolled away from me until he was laying on his back.

His left hand was now draped across his stomach and with his right, he reached out for me to clasp one of my hands in his.

We laid like that for quite a while.

I was still stretched out on the bed and facing him. I hadn't really moved. I watched his face, waiting for a response to my question, which I suddenly wasn't sure I was ever going to get.

His eyes suddenly shot open and I felt my eyebrows raise in response.

"It's not that I'm afraid of accidents—skinned knees, stubbed toes… Or pain, or suffering, or anger… I'm… I'm afraid of death."

He turned to me then, with his eyes ablaze. But I wouldn't be deterred. "That wasn't actually a complete answer, Edward. But let me see if I've got you right." His eyes were now more like slow burning embers. I felt encouraged. "You aren't worried about life in general with me, your family, friends, or even your own children. You're afraid of losing them."

He reached out for me as he was nodding in acquiescence. His fingers traced an unknown pattern on my cheek. "Yes. And now that you've put it like that… I feel a little stupid, since there's obviously nothing I can do to stop it from happening. Being alive means that death will come. Whether we're ready for it or not. So, me worrying about it is a waste of energy." He reached out and pulled me up onto his chest and my arms automatically went to his neck as he held me to him.

As he'd moved me, I'd brought the throw with me so we were both covered. "_I_ think so." I responded definitively.

"So… We both want children. We're both o.k. with adoption. But it's not something we're going to do soon…" He asked me quietly.

"Yes to everything you just said."

"Alright. I think I can live with that." He squeezed me tightly against him while he deeply inhaled my scent. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward."

We slept on top of the covers that night, still fully clothed with only the throw blanket over us. Each of us lost to our own thoughts about the future.

Each of us knowing our futures would be spent together.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like experiencing a tickle-fest from someone. Please review and make me smile! :)_**


	19. Matrimony

**_A/N: Wow. Lots of people reading my story, I see, which I find amazing and incredible. However, not too many of you reviewing. *sigh* If I get at least FIVE reviews for this Chap within the next 24 hours, I will post the next one this Friday. That way, you'll be that much closer to the "Honeymoon Chapter," which I could then post this Sunday instead of next Wednesday. Moohaha!_**

* * *

><p><em>Alice!<em> I had thought her name as a swear word at only one point during the weeks that followed my semi-meltdown. Which, I suppose, wasn't really fair. She hadn't done anything to do with the wedding that I hadn't approved of as yet. She had even managed to talk Edward and I into _not_ waiting until July to have the reception.

She had informed me that Carlisle had called in a favor to the local magistrate, who would be performing the ceremony herself as the Registrar. But she wouldn't tell me whether we were going to the Registrar's office in Chichester or to a licensed venue for Edward's and my exchange of wedding vows.

And I couldn't tell whether Edward knew which it was going to be.

Damn inscrutable English.

Apparently, as I had discovered via Alice, there were other places that you could exchange vows at in front of a Registrar. Two of the only stipulations were that it had to be held at a licensed facility and inside. Not really a problem with agreeing to the wedding being inside—we were getting married on Winter Solstice, December 23. It was a little too chilly for an outdoor wedding anyway.

Alice had convinced me that even though she totally agreed with Edward and me that we did not need a big, fancy wedding, she apparently didn't agree with exchanging our vows in what would basically be a government official's office. So, Edward and I would find out _where_ we would be exchanging our vows when we got to wherever that was.

Alice had sworn on her grandmother's grave that she was not going overboard and everything would be simple and elegant. Holding the wedding and reception at the same venue would facilitate it being romantic and intimate. It also simplified things exponentially.

From what Alice had been telling me, everything had been going according to plan so far. She had procured florists, a candid photographer, a caterer and had even sent out invitations several weeks previous to family, close friends and a few of Carlisle's associates from the hospital. There were apparently only going to be about forty guests. I was pretty relieved about that part. I was also secretly glad that she and Edward had managed to get Charlie and Angela to come. Ben would be staying home with the twins, so no worries for Angela and Ben trying to travel with fussy three-year olds in tow.

Charlie would be walking me down the aisle and then would be sitting in the front row, while Angela, Alice and Rosalie would act as my bridesmaids. Edward had Jasper and Emmett as best men, with a special place for Gracie at the front with them.

The girls would be in off-the-shoulder, black, sleek satin dresses with skin-hugging lace sleeves that ended just above their elbows and the guys, including my dad, would be in charcoal grey suits.

Edward would be in a black tux with a long, dramatic jacket, a vest and beautiful tie with a cream colored dress shirt. From the pictures that Alice had shown me, it reminded me of something from the late 19th Century.

My dress was magnificent but simple.

It was in a gorgeous champagne color, strapless and sleeveless, with a gathered and wrapped bodice down to my hips, where it fell to the floor and swept back with a very small train. It actually couldn't really be classified as a train… More like the fabric followed beautifully behind me. There was intricate beading also in a champagne color that was randomly placed around my midsection, waist and one hip. There was also beading that ran along the top edge of the bodice, which helped to make me look delicate and feminine.

I didn't mind the affect at all; it was intriguing. Edward made me feel special all the time—physically curvy and womanly but emotionally strong. This was going to be a nice compliment to how he usually saw me.

I smiled, thinking of how nervous he'd looked last night as he'd left me at the back door of my former home, with a single, sweetly chaste kiss.

He had walked backwards towards the well-worn trail that linked the cottage to our home, with Gracie beside him as usual. She kept looking between us trying to figure out why his master was leaving her mistress behind. As he gave me one last wave and kiss to the air, she gave a mournful bark. He quickly patted her head and bent to murmur something comforting to her as he turned to walk back to the house.

I hadn't wanted him to change his mind and turn around to come back, so I had quickly gotten myself through the back door of the cottage, closing and locking the door behind me. As I leaned against it, I realized that this would be the very last time that I would sleep at my cottage. I wasn't sad, I was quite agreeable actually. I even managed to get to sleep before 10:00 p.m., which wasn't too bad. We had a very long day ahead of us, between the wedding, the reception and leaving for our honeymoon.

And, here I was, the morning of our wedding. Alice had gotten everything ready and pulled everyone together masterfully. She had been a major Godsend.

I was getting married. Today.

As I headed back towards the stairs after starting some tea, I leaned heavily on the wall by the front door for several minutes while attempting to calm myself. I felt giddy and lost all at the same time.

Giddiness won out however and I quickly ran up the stairs to my old master bedroom. I still had half an hour to go before the girls got here.

My wedding dress was hung carefully on the back of the door, with my unmentionables folded neatly on a chair next to my dresser, and my shoes tucked just under it.

Rose and Alice would be arriving at 6:00 a.m. to help me get dressed and ready for my nuptials. Angela was going to be keeping my dad occupied and out of trouble, which I was very thankful to her for taking that task on. Our vows were to be exchanged at 11:00 a.m., so the girls would be driving me there at around 10:00 a.m. Everyone else would be meeting us at the venue. Apparently, it was pretty close to Wisborough.

Alice was bringing me something borrowed and new, and also giving me something blue from my father. I was pretty sure I knew what my dad had given her to give to me. My maternal grandmother had a pair of blue sapphire and diamond stud earrings in the shape of a flower that she'd gifted to my mother. I'd always loved them. I figured the borrowed item would be a delicate necklace of Esme's that she'd told me about and the new—knowing Alice as I did—would most likely be a garter.

They told me they needed to come so early because my hair alone was going to take them several hours to complete. I was slightly nervous about this revelation but as long as Edward liked the end result, what did I care?

I'd never really let someone take control the way I had allowed Alice to but, for once, I didn't feel scared by it. I felt freed by it.

It was a nice feeling.

Friday had dawned clear with no hint of rain or snow, and the girls were right on time. I of course had already been up for at least an hour and they were extremely grateful for my thoughtfulness—I'd of course already made the tea and coffee and had it ready to hand to them as soon as they came through the door.

"Oh my God, Bella… Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Rose exclaimed.

Alice just waved at me to head back upstairs as she took her cup from me with her outstretched hand. "Let's get this show on the road ladies."

She was all business. And I was glad for it.

I was also glad that Rose was here to help.

After my meltdown about Rose's assumption regarding Edward and I starting a family and his comforting words to me, I told him that I would need to tell Rose about my infertility. We decided that I would call Rose first and then he would call Emmett separately to make him aware also.

Emmett was a great guy and very loving, but he would probably end up making the same assumption Rose had made and be even more verbal about it. I didn't want to talk about it or discuss it with anyone but I felt I needed to be upfront with Rose. However, I didn't think it was right to expect her to discuss the situation with Emmett and Edward felt it was his duty as my fiancé and soon-to-be husband. He was definitely one to take his husbandly duties extremely seriously. I had to giggle at that thought.

So, several days after everyone had come to Sunday dinner, I called Rosalie. She expressed how worried she had been when I'd taken off to the bathroom like I had and asked if I'd gotten sick and if I was feeling any better.

I had decided before I had placed the call that I would come to the point quickly but without any abruptness in my tone. I already knew Rosalie was a no-nonsense sort of woman and would appreciate my candor.

"Rose, I didn't get sick. And, for the record, what I'm about to tell you is something that few people know—Edward and Alice know and now I think it's important that you understand my situation. It's also important for you to understand that I'm not upset with you in any way." I took a deep breath and she murmured to me in a confused voice to continue. "I was actually taken completely by surprise about your assumption that Edward and I would be starting a family soon. Not because it doesn't make perfect sense but because… Well, because I'm infertile, Rose. I can't have children."

I heard her gasp and she apologized quickly. I told her that Edward was taking the pressure off of her to explain things to Emmett by taking that on himself. I again voiced that I was thankful for her uncompromising personality and that I was looking forward to spending more time with her and Emmett. She sounded relieved and I felt like we'd become closer because of what had happened. On a spur of the moment decision, I asked her to be an additional bridesmaid. She was shocked but really excited. I jokingly told her that the only thing I asked of her was to try not to look prettier than me on my wedding day. She gave a hardy laugh to that comment.

Now, here we were, getting me ready to marry their brother and best friend.

I had finally reached the point where I wasn't nervous, just looking forward to getting it done. I'm the sort of person that agonizes over a decision but once it's made, I'm ready to move on with it.

If I was going to be completely honest however, when it came to Edward, there really hadn't been a lot of agonizing—only in regards to my disbelief that he could possibly feel anything close to what I felt for him.

When he confessed that he had thought the same thing about me, my fears dissipated. If someone as remarkable and stunning inside and out as Edward could feel insecure, who was I to doubt myself? We truly completed each other. I smiled slyly to myself when I thought about our honeymoon and all the 'completeness' we'd be experiencing together…

"Alright. _Knock it off,_ Bella. I can see that far away look in your eyes again. Get through the ceremony, some food, including some of your cake, a toast or two, and a couple of swings around the dance floor and you guys will be good to go. But not before then! Got it?" Alice gave me her best stink-eye look, with her hands on her tiny hips and everything.

Rose laughed and I huffed in response. "Yes almost-dear-sister of mine." We all laughed at that response.

I had decided to forgo a veil and the girls explained that that was one of the reasons it was going to take so long to do my hair. My hair was naturally fairly wavy but Alice and Rose wanted to dramatically accentuate that tendency. After getting me completely dressed, they used dozens upon dozens of curlers and who knows how many bobby pins.

After their ministrations, I did indeed have a dramatic upsweep from the sides and a cascade of hair down my back, with several tendrils purposely set to escape around the front and sides to frame my face. To finish the look, I had a single, solitary small white freesia flower pinned to one side. It looked amazing.

After Rose and Alice got dressed, Rose provided me with my bouquet. It was made up of a dozen perfectly formed, ivory white roses with hundreds of tiny white freesia blossoms.

We all stared at each other for a few seconds and then squealed like little girls.

And with that, we went out to get into Emmett's Range Rover that she'd borrowed to head over to the venue. I went into the back in the middle so I could talk to the girls easily and Alice went up front to help facilitate us getting to our destination.

"Alright pixie, where the hell are we heading to?" Rose looked stern but an eye roll from Alice and a smirk from me had us all giggling like school girls again.

"O.k., head to Petworth, then south to Duncton. After we head up the hill from the South Downs but before we reach the Goodwood estate, we'll make a right into Upwaltham Barns." Alice was good. Bossy but good.

Rose regaled us with stories of Emmett, Jasper and Edward from when they'd all attended University together. We were having so much fun the trip seemed to take no time at all.

Alice told us all about the venue I'd be getting married at. It was a collection of traditional Sussex flint long barns, with the interiors still showing the flint stone walls and the wooden exteriors painted in traditional black. We'd be ensconced in the South Barn for the ceremony as well as the reception.

As we drove down the long drive, I started getting a little nervous. We had less than fifteen minutes to go before I'd be looking into Edward's eyes at the end of a short walk.

As we parked in front of the smaller of the two one-story barns, I saw Jasper casually stroll out from the large double-doors. He stood with his hands tightly clasped onto each of his lapels, with his elbows bent like an old-time farmer. The only thing missing was a piece of straw hanging from his lips. As his face began to light up in recognition of his wife and friends arriving, I saw Charlie come up behind him and clap him on the back.

They both walked over to the car and helped us all out.

"My God, Bells. You look incredible!" My dad was almost overcome with emotion. Almost. He looked away quickly after his outburst and acted as though he was wiping something from his eye.

"Hi 'hon. I see you've done your magic again. You all look amazing." Jasper smiled at all of us lazily. "But I must admit Bella, you're one beautiful bride."

I had been nervous. Now I was just plain old impatient. "Well thank you Jaz. Now, let's get this party started, ladies and gents!" They all laughed at my eagerness and silliness.

Rose helped me carefully lift the bottom of my dress so it wouldn't drag through the gravel of the drive as we walked into the South Barn.

Everyone was already seated and ready to go for the ceremony. Emmett was apparently already with Edward at the front with Gracie.

Suddenly, I realize that I am finally on my way to becoming Mrs. Bella Swan-Cullen.

I immediately feel so calm that Charlie looks at me for a split second with concern etched across his face. I slowly but surely smile so brightly that he shakes his head at me while letting a small chuckle escape.

I can't explain to him that my happiness is so complete, so all encompassing, that I feel like I've been lifted onto a cloud.

Everything around me suddenly takes on an ethereal hue. I feel as though I'm seeing everything through the lens of a dream.

We all stood in the foyer and looked at one another for a few moments. I dropped the hem of my dress and smoothed out the skirt unnecessarily. Rose hands my bouquet back to me and takes her smaller arrangement from Alice. I nod and Alice makes a small motion with her hand to someone I can't see.

Rose, Alice, Jasper and my father turn from me to look towards where we'll be walking through to the ceremony.

The music begins. Not the normal wedding march… No. We went with a compilation of different Debussy compositions for piano playing softly in the background.

Rose turns left, away from the foyer, and starts walking down the cream colored runner strewn with white rose petals. Then Alice and Jasper head out. Then it's me and my dad.

He hesitates for just a few seconds, looking deeply into my eyes. "I think you've done real good, Bells. He's an amazing man. But if he ever hurts you…" The threat is there. The threat of a father's love to protect the innocence and happiness of his only daughter.

"Aw dad… He'd never do anything to hurt me. You should have just stuck with the amazing part." He smirks at me and begins walking forward.

I don't look at the seated guests.

I don't really see Angela and Rose standing on the left, or Jasper leading Alice to stand next to them and then walk over to stand next to Emmett and Gracie.

I'm not completely aware of my father handing me off to Edward, or Alice taking my bouquet from me.

I barely register that there is a handsome woman standing on the opposite side of a lightly colored wooden table in front of us.

I am, however, completely aware of the stunning man that I am now standing with.

And he truly is stunning. In his black tuxedo slacks, long tux overcoat that falls just to his knees, emphasizing his stature. His cream colored dress shirt, just peaking out behind his black vest and old-fashioned heavy tie. He's standing straight and tall, with his hands clasped in front of him. The sun is coming through the floor to ceiling windows to my left, making the slightly red highlights of his hair stand out. The deep green of his eyes seems to be sparkling with delight. There is no doubt in my mind that he has the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face.

He's now holding both of my hands warmly in his.

I listen to the Registrar speak as Edward continues to stare as deep as he ever has into my dark brown eyes.

"Civil ceremony wedding vows are essentially the verbal commitments made by two people as they exchange wedding rings. They are used to express personalities, indicate feelings towards one another and set the scene for the many happy years of marriage which are to follow."

She looks at us briefly and then sweeps her eyes over the assembled guests before she continues.

"Unlike Church weddings, in civil weddings couples are free to choose their own words so long as their civil ceremony wedding vows are of a non-religious nature. That said, the vows that will be exchanged here today are simple and speak of the love that will be represented by these rings." She looks at Edward and then to me, as we hold up our rings for everyone to see.

As we drop our hands, she continues.

"For a civil wedding to be considered complete in the United Kingdom, there are Declaratory Words and Contracting Words that must be spoken by each individual entering into the marriage." She turns to Edward, and recites them both to him.

I hear him replicate the Registrar's Declaratory and Contracting Words.

Then it's my turn. "I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, Isabella Marie Swan, may not be joined in matrimony to Edward Anthony Cullen."

I listen carefully to the Registrar's next words and duplicate them precisely. "I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, Isabella Marie Swan, do take thee, Edward Anthony Cullen, to be my lawful wedded husband."

We smile shyly to each other before looking back to the Registrar expectantly.

"Please exchange rings."

I place Edward's wedding band on the ring finger of his left hand. He then does the same for me. Before he turns back to the Registrar, he gently squeezes my hand in encouragement.

As if I need any.

After he's spoken his vows to me, I respond. "Edward, I give you this ring, as a token of my love, and a symbol of our marriage. I vow to be loving, faithful and loyal to you, throughout our lives together."

"I take you to be my husband and partner, I promise to love you, honor and respect you. I will stand by you and be true to you always. I give you this ring not only as a symbol of my love but also of my faithfulness and I ask you to wear it as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today."

"Whatever life may bring, I will always love you."

I smile as brightly as I ever have at him. The Registrar pronounces us as husband and wife and tells Edward he can now kiss his bride.

As he slowly moves his face towards mine, he tenderly whispers to me so only I can hear him. "You're resplendent, Isabella. Thank you. My love, my life, my _wife_."

One hand holds my hip tightly as his other carefully cups my cheek. He kisses me deeply and thoroughly.

Just as we begin to break from each other and open our eyes again, Emmett is hooting and hollering, with Rose, Jasper and Alice, Angela and almost everyone else in attendance clapping loudly.

We laugh along with them and after I've thrown my bouquet towards our now standing guests, Edward suddenly grabs me possessively. He dips me backwards, cradling my back with his strong arms and kisses me passionately again.

As the guests gasp, Emmett yells "Go baby go!" and Rose snorts, he pulls me gracefully back up into an upright position and bends to whisper in my ear.

"You're the loveliest bride I've ever seen. Thank you for becoming my wife."

I'm still a little breathless but I grin at him and try to be discrete as I run my fingers through his barely tamed hair. "Thank you for making me your wife and becoming my husband."

He laughs cheerily and deeply.

We head out a side door to walk out to the rolling hills that surround the property. The photographer spends twenty minutes taking pictures of Edward and I, with a spattering of them with us and Gracie. Gracie belts out several loud barks and I can't help but feel intense gratitude to this amazing animal.

After heading back inside and before I can sit with her, however, Alice has changed the music and Edward takes me to the other side of the barn to dance slowly to The Fray's 'Look After You.'

He presses me tightly to his chest as he gracefully swings us around the small dance floor, singing parts of the song gently into my ear.

I feel tears begin to form but my smile is so wide that it doesn't bother either of us. He simply reaches out and sweeps his thumbs under both my eyes, making me laugh.

"Sorry. I was doing so well, too… I guess happy tears are better than nervous or scared ones, huh?" I ask him bashfully.

"Yes, sweetheart. They are." He kisses me then, sweetly but with an undertone of a promise that I know will be fulfilled later this same evening.

We break apart for him to be able to dance with his mother and me with my dad. Then Charlie is dancing with Esme and I'm dancing with Carlisle for the song that follows.

Two songs away from me is Edward's limit, however. As he takes me in his arms once again, the sound of Coldplay's song 'Yellow' is sweeping out around us as we dance.

How appropriate.

After what I discover is our last dance, he takes me to Alice who then whisks me away to one of the guest suites on the property and helps me change out of my dress and into a Donna Karan V-neck cashmere sweater and split-cuff muslin pants, all in white. After she removes the bobby pins from my hair, she touches my shoulder gently.

"Bella, I'm so happy for both of you. I love you both so much…" She chokes back a sob and we hug each other as if we may never see each other again.

We realize this at the same time and begin to laugh almost uncontrollably. "O.k., I'm hungry, let's go back!" And with that, I link our arms together and we almost skip back to the reception.

As soon as I enter the barn again, Edward's head snaps up to me. He's quickly coming towards us, gracefully weaving between the round tables and all our guests to take me into his arms and out of Alice's. He's changed out of his tuxedo and I can't help but feel a little bit cheated. He had really, really looked good in that jacket.

He of course still looks amazing. He's wearing dark charcoal dress pants with a light grey v-neck cashmere sweater over a white dress shirt and tie.

"Thank you Alice." He states reverently. He takes my hand into his and leads me to the head table, where our parents, Jasper, Emmett and Rose are already seated and have begun eating the lunch spread that the caterers have prepared.

Jasper stands as Alice approaches and grabs her to place her on his lap. She giggles at his antics as he begins to feed her his lunch.

Emmett and Rose are first to offer us a toast. Next up is Alice and Jasper. My father and Carlisle are a little bit too inebriated at this point and we're blessed that they decide to forgo a toast to each of us altogether.

Emmett is telling a particularly interesting story about Edward when he was young when I see Angela coming over with Gracie. I stand to go and meet her part way and we begin to chat. We've been talking for quite awhile when I notice her staring at Edward.

"Wow. He really is good looking, isn't he." We're now both staring at him. "Bella… I'm sorry I wasn't as supportive as I should have been at first." She looks at me shyly. "I found out right before I left that I'm pregnant again, so, that's why I was all emotional and difficult. I hope you'll forgive me…"

"Oh Angela… I'm just so glad you're here to share this with me! It was already forgotten." I tell her sincerely. "And, my God… Congratulations! If you have twins again, you'll have four kids!" We both laugh at that thought.

She sighs deeply. "O.k. Thank you for being so understanding. It's always been one of the best things about you."

As she's finished speaking, I gaze back over to Edward. He's sitting comfortably slouched in his chair, with his long legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. He has one hand casually pushed into his pants pocket and the other is resting on the table top, playing with his napkin. Gracie pulls on her leash and I murmur to Angela to release her so she can go to him.

As Gracie reaches him, his face lights up and he immediately sits forward to vigorously rub her face and scratch behind her ears. Emmett realizes that he's lost Edward's attention and shakes his head in amusement as he returns his attention to Rose instead.

As Edward looks up to search for me, he sees me standing with Angela. As he beckons me over to him, I finally get a chance to really look around the room.

There are six round tables with white linens and all the silverware you could possibly ever need and some you would probably never use. There are also tall, wrought iron candelabras at the center of each table, with seven white pillar candles lit on each. At the base of each candelabra is a large glass bowl containing water and as many gardenias as the florist could cram into them.

I see the photographer moving around the room, taking candid shots of everyone. We decided not to have any posed photos of anyone other than us and Gracie, which we had quickly taken care of earlier.

I pass people I know and some that I don't, politely stopping at each to say hello and to thank them for coming. Angela is following me over to our table so I can officially introduce them.

She sits with us for the duration of lunch, chatting with Alice and Rose like they've all known each other their whole lives. I look around the table and see Charlie laughing heartily at another of Emmett's stories, while Esme touches his arm to get his attention. It's comforting to see my old and new life blend so seamlessly together. Charlie then begins a conversation about me when I was little that I'm embarrassed to listen to when I'm saved by the caterers. It's time for us to go cut the cake.

It's a traditional English wedding cake. Deep, dark fruit cake with plenty of rum, a layer of marzipan (known as almond paste to Americans) and white royal icing over that. It's three tiers tall but very simply decorated with real red, magenta, lavender and peach colored roses. Thankfully, since it's fruit cake, it's too dense for us to cram it into each other's faces. Not that either of us would have done that anyway.

We gently place a small piece on each other's tongues by reaching through the other's arms. Edward brings his teeth playfully down on my fingers before I can extract them and chuckles at my disapproving grimace. I quickly change it to a smile since I am fully aware that, Edward being Edward, he just couldn't help himself.

As the caterers pass out pieces of the cake to all the guests, he takes me back to our table to discretely say goodbye to our families and friends. Alice and Jaz will be taking Gracie back to London with them tomorrow, while Edward and I head out for our three week honeymoon… Right now.

While everyone is enjoying the wedding cake and each other's company, we slip out the back door of the South Barn.

I've been told that our luggage is already stowed in the trunk of the handsome 1950's era, white Rolls Royce sedan that's now ready and waiting to whisk us away.

At this point, I only know that our honeymoon destination is somewhere in Europe. Our driver will be taking us through the English countryside to St. Pancras railway station, London, so we can catch the Eurostar train to take us to our final destination…

Wherever that is.

As I sit blissfully in the back of our luxurious Rolls Royce coach with Edward's arms around me and his lips pressed into my hair at the crown of my head, I know that I have only partially been paying attention to this entire day. I lean into him more deeply, placing one hand on his thigh and the other on his chest to complete our cocoon of love.

I am, at this precise moment in time, only fully aware of one single, crystalline fact.

Edward Anthony Cullen is my husband, which means we can finally, completely be together.

Tonight.

_Thank God._

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like drifting beautifully through your wedding day. Actually, probably not because I don't actually think that's possible—but I'd still really love to read your review! :)_**


	20. Love Is Strength

**_A/N: I've posted new photos—A LOT of new photos—for the previous Chap (from the Wedding) and for this Chap. To see them, go to:  
>wooleywews(.)blogspot(.)comp/across-ocean-blue-pics(.)html  
>But remember to remove all the parenthesis first.<em>**

* * *

><p>From the wedding until now… It's felt like a dream.<p>

An intricate and stunning dream… But one that I am most delighted is not a dream at all.

Isabella Marie Swan is now Mrs. Bella Swan-Cullen. My wife.

I look down on her sleeping form, curled up in her seat next to me, with her small hands resting against my chest and her legs tucked under her with a blanket laying across her knees. She's molded to my side quite nicely…

I purchased four seats in a grouping together in the Eurostar's Business Premier section of the train. We have a small table by one seat and the armrests conveniently lift out of the way. Hence how we're sitting so close together now. We're not far from the WC and we have the added benefit, for me at least, of having the most legroom available on this train.

Her shoes are on the floor barely poking out from under her seat. They're a natural color, reminding me of rope. Alice had mentioned the words Prada 'slingback' and 'espadrille wedge,' which I hadn't really grasped the meanings of. I did catch the threat against Bella's health if she didn't keep them on for the duration of our train journey, however.

I smile to myself as I give her a quick squeeze remembering her eye roll at that. I am holding her with one arm across myself, cradling her forearm while I'm stroking her long, mahogany locks down her back with the other.

My gazing is interrupted by an older female waiting staff member asking me if I would like anything to drink. As I meet her eyes and ask for some bottled water, I catch the look of tenderness on her face. She notices that I've caught her staring at my wife.

"Have you been married long, sir?" She smiles warmly at me.

"No. This morning, actually." I chuckle in response.

She appears to get a knowing look. "I see. Well, your bride is quite breathtaking. I wish you both the best."

I murmur my thanks and feel Bella begin to stir next to me. As she stretches herself out like a cat, I can't help but feel as if it's suddenly gotten a bit too warm in our rail car. Luckily, before I get uncomfortable, the waiting staff returns with two bottles of Pierre water and I gently check on my beautiful bride.

As Bella stifles a yawn and meets my eyes sheepishly, I can't help but laugh. "God. You are so… Cute. Right now, you're very, very cute." I give her a tight hug and extract her from my side to hand her one of the bottles of water. "This morning however… You were breathtaking."

She rolls her eyes once more as she gratefully takes it from me and nods her head towards the window. "This is amazing Edward. I'm soooo glad we didn't take a flight to… Wherever you're taking me." She gets a strange look in her eyes and I know that I've reached her limit for surprises.

"It's alright. I can tell you _now_." I open my water and drink leisurely from the glass bottle. I wait for it… Ah. There it is. That fire.

"Edddward…" Her eyes have narrowed towards me and she's moved the hand not holding the water to her hip. She said my name very quietly but I could still hear the aggravation in it.

I laugh and begin to tell her about the amazing villa I discovered in the south of France, the very private Cypresses Villa just outside of the Renaissance era village of Gordes.

"So, you're telling me we have almost another _five hours_ of traveling to go?" She sounds petulant.

I pull her back into my side while I take another long swig of my water. I smack my lips and hear her huff in annoyance. I suppress more laughter but can't hide my amusement fully from her as I answer. "No. We're about forty minutes outside of Paris right now. We're staying there until Christmas Day and then going on to the Villa, which is only about a four hour train ride from Paris to Avignon, then about forty minutes more to reach the Villa."

She relaxes into my side and I hug her tightly for a few seconds. "Now, let me tell you about where we're staying in Paris…" As I regale her with stories of my many guest artist performances at the Salle Pleyel, and my subsequent stays at our hotel, she becomes rather quiet.

I wonder for a moment if she has fallen back asleep. A few seconds later I feel her tense and then I hear her tentative voice. "Edward… Did you ever stay there with… Kate?"

I suck in a quick breath and reach for her face to turn it up to me. "My darling, sweet wife… I would never have even _considered_ it if we had. However, I must make something perfectly clear to you. I must assume at this point that I haven't done a very good job of it before now, so I want you to listen to me very carefully." I bend down and give her a slow but chaste kiss.

I feel her begin to respond more amorously to me so I end our kiss and then rub my nose with hers as I close my eyes and continue. "Kate never, not _once_ came with me on tour or to any of my events." I hear Bella practically hold her breath and I open my eyes to stare into hers. "Bella, she _hated_ classical music."

Suddenly that electrical tension is so high that I'm concerned I won't be able to stop myself if she moves towards me in any sort of intimately suggestive way.

Instead of attacking me however, I see that she's fighting off laughter. "Oh my God… That's… Holy crap, Edward. _Why did you two ever get married?_"

The tension from her concern and my lust is suddenly swept away as we both laugh heartily. The wait staff comes by to give us a stern look since we're being a bit loud for business class. We immediately tone ourselves down several notches but continue to snicker as our light lunch is brought to us.

"My love, I can't honestly answer that question. Except somehow, in some strange, bizarre twist of fate, because of everything that has happened to each of us in our pasts, here we are." My voice has trailed off and we're now staring deeply into each other's eyes.

She blinks and then shyly smiles at me, reaching for her silverware. "Tell me more about your concerts Edward."

So I do.

She's never come right out and stated it but I'm still fairly certain of her love for classical music. She actually has a penchant for Medieval pieces that I find absolutely fascinating.

Soon lunch is over, our conversation has died down, time has absolutely flown by and we're ready to disembark. We immediately procure a taxi to take us in to Paris-proper.

With a time change of only one hour between London and Paris, it's a little before 7:00 o'clock when we arrive at the hotel. Unbeknownst to my bride, I've made dinner reservations for us at 8:00 p.m. at the hotel's La Table du Lancaster Senzone Restaurant. It has won numerous accolades, including the prestigious Michelin Red Guide 3 star Chef award.

As we pull up, I clasp her hand in mine to gain her attention. "Love, I've got us reserved for an intimate dinner tonight… In about an hour actually." I give her my most persuasive smile and then feel her almost melt into me. _Ahh. So that does work…_ I smirk at my thought and run a finger down her cheek before kissing her chastely.

"Would you like to head up to our room, change, and then attend a romantic dinner with me?"

She smiles lazily up at me and as we step from the taxi, she places her arm around my middle and squeezes me in response. "That would be absolutely wonderful."

As I place my arm around her shoulders, one of the hotel's porters efficiently moves around us to take our luggage in and announce our arrival to the concierge.

As we move through the hotel's lobby I see the concierge step away from the front desk, where there is an extremely statuesque and stunning blonde standing at the counter.

I find it most disconcerting that she is eyeing me up and down like a piece of candy.

In the past, I most likely would not have _completely_ refrained from noticing a woman like her, especially when she makes it almost impossible to be ignored and is trying so hard to be noticed. I would of course never in a million years act on any sort of interest shown on this young lady's part, me being married or not, but when someone looks like they've just stepped off of a fashion runway or makes _Rosalie_ look almost plain, it's a bit hard to ignore.

However, there's something to be said about starting your marriage off on the right foot. The situation makes me come up short from the desk and pull Bella so close to my side that I'm sure I hear a 'humph' escape her lips. I give her a lingering kiss on her temple as we reach the reception desk.

"Monsieur Cullen, how wonderful to see you again." The woman speaks to me in French since I assume the hotel has noted on my records that I speak it fluently. However, knowing Bella as I do, I do not for one second want her to feel uncomfortable or wonder how this woman knows me.

I respond in English, using my most business-like tone. "Ah. I see management has kept my records current. How lovely. Is our honeymoon suite ready for us? We'd like to freshen up before dinner." _I mean, really, what is it about being on a honeymoon that she doesn't get? I might have to speak to management about this girl…_ I think to myself.

She appears to falter momentarily, probably shocked that her advances are being spurned. "Oh, yes Monsieur Cullen." She lifts her head and arm to call over a porter to take our luggage to our room. As he walks over, she turns back to me, still completely ignoring Bella.

I'm now getting rather pissed.

But of course, my mate notices. She looks around the lobby quickly, turns back to the front desk and speaks coolly to the hostess. "This is a lovely hotel."

The young lady appears flustered now that she's basically being forced to take note of my wife. "Yes. We're very proud of our hôtel Madam."

As the hostess begins to hand us the keys to our room, Bella responds by leaning over slightly, placing her left hand on the counter to make sure that her ring is not missed. "You should be. It's quite beautiful. Oh and that's _Mrs_. _Isabella_ Cullen." As she's spoken, she's tilted her head down towards the hotel reservation book, making it clear how she should be shown in their records. "You really should correct that."

The hostess is now completely taken aback. "Oh! Yes, of course, Madam Cullen." My gorgeous, bright and passionate wife actually made the woman blush in embarrassment.

I of course stand a little taller as we walk away to head up to our rooms. "_Mrs. Cullen_, please remind me to never underestimate you."

She snorts at me as the elevator doors close and the porter coughs nervously next to us. "Yeah, like _that_ wasn't obvious!" I knew she wasn't just talking about the girls behavior being obvious but about the girl herself.

"Yes, well, I am not going to stand here and lie to you and tell you that I didn't notice her. But you are my wife. My one and only mate and confidante. I was certainly not going to stand for her ignoring you like that or continuing to try and proposition me." I take a deep breath. "But you handled that much better than I was about to." I bend slightly at the waist and kiss her forehead softly. "Thank you, love."

She tightens her grip around my middle. "I would never expect you to _ignore_ someone like _that_, Edward. For crying out loud, _I_ couldn't ignore her, so I certainly wouldn't expect you to be completely blind with something like that walking around."

After we've reached our rooms, the porter has deposited our luggage into the anteroom, and I've tipped him generously, we're finally alone.

I can tell she's nervous so I take her hand and lead her through the front room and into our bedroom. "I hope you like it, sweetheart. I've never actually stayed in this set of rooms before but I thought you'd be alright with this hotel."

She keeps her hand held within mine as she raises them both above her head and does a small, slow pirouette, taking in our room as she turns. As she stops again in front of me, she stares into my eyes as she takes her hand down from mine and with her other, places them both gently on my upper chest.

I place my hands over hers as I speak softly to her. "My darling bride, if we kiss right now we won't be leaving this room for dinner tonight. In fact, we wouldn't be leaving it for days and would probably miss our train for Avignon." I cock one eyebrow at her and she stifles a giggle.

"I'm actually suspicious about that even being a joke." She sighs and pulls her hands away from my body. As she walks further into the room, she removes her shoes and places them under one of the chairs by the fireplace that's prominently located on the left wall. She rotates her body around slowly once more as she continues. "You thought I'd just be 'o.k.' with this hotel and rooms?" She actually air-quoted around the word o.k. when she'd spoken it.

She shakes her head at me. "Good grief Edward. This is amazing. Even with the wayyy too personal greeting downstairs, it's abso-freaking-lutely amazing."

I know what she's trying to do. She's trying to lighten the mood. Which, honestly, is probably for the best. I hadn't been completely joking about the kiss. We'll now be able to make dinner. But…

"Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen." I'm now standing with my hands on my hips and staring at her sternly. She jumps a little at my tone. "You listen to me right now my incomparably gorgeous mate… Please, _please_ don't give that woman, well girl, really, another thought. No one, _and I mean_ _no one_ in the universe could hold my attention the way you do."

She opens and then closes her mouth in surprise.

I turn away from her as I continue. "Now that _that's _taken care of, I'm going to bring our luggage in here for us to get changed for dinner, alright love?"

She follows me out to the foyer and grabs the smaller bags. "I hear you dear. Yeesh."

We both start chuckling as we head back to the bedroom with everything. "I love you Mrs. Cullen."

She sighs as she drops her things on the other chair by the fireplace. "As I love you, Mr. Cullen."

As she heads to the bathroom to freshen herself and change into her cocktail dress, I am again struck with how blessed I am to know her, let alone that I get to love her.

I've already changed into my Dolce & Gabbana Martini tux with a black shirt and tie as she comes back into our bedroom.

She has rendered me not speechless but breathless.

Her outfit is… Her. So her…

She's left her hair loose but there's been the addition of a tiny black ribbon made, which is holding it all back and away from her incomparable face. Her makeup is simple and understated, except for her deep red lipstick and smoky eye shadow. Her dress is black, sleeveless and strapless, ending just above her knees. The bodice is in a nude color with intricate black lace covering it, with a smattering of black sequins. It has scalloped trim around the top and at her waist is a wide, black silk ribbon tied in a long bow, that trials down her left side, stopping just short of her hemline. There are five tiers of small, lace ruffles fanning over the skirt that remind me of something from the roaring 1920's. Her shoes are patent leather pumps that must have at least three inch heels on them.

Everything she has on accentuates her creamy skin, long legs and slight figure. It is sexy, demure and fun all at once.

I am in awe of her.

I'm also trying to not drool.

As my eyes move back up her body from her toes all the way to the top of her head, I realize that she also has a look of slight bewilderment in her eyes. I watch her look me up and down and swallow heavily.

"Oh. My…" She begins to fan her face dramatically with her right hand. "Aren't you a tasty morsel. All in black and smolder-y and sexy and stuff…"

We both chuckle at how we've reacted to the other, and I shake my head at both of us. "Well my dear, I am going to assume that you are definitely ready for dinner. Because I'm sure there's nothing more you could do to make yourself any more perfect than you are right now." I reach my arm out for her to take.

She steps up to me in an overtly rousing way and wraps her hand around my forearm. "Oh, yes. I am most definitely ready for dinner with my extremely handsome and charming husband."

I smile my charmingly best at her and we head downstairs for dinner, arm in arm.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like having a romantic dinner with your sweetheart. Nope. Not even close but still send me a review, will 'ya? :)_**


	21. Anticipation and Fulfillment

_**A/N: Annnnnddd a drum-roll please… Note that the juicy bits from their honeymoon are in this Chap. *giggle* *sigh* **_

_**Enjoy (and please send me a review)! :)**_

_**In case there's any possibility of anyone forgetting... **_

_**DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit.**_

_***double-sigh***_

* * *

><p>As we're walking towards the restaurant for dinner, Bella leans towards me conspiratorially. "You know… That counter girl is glaring at us." I look over her shoulder and see that the hotel's hostess is indeed giving us an unsavory look.<p>

"Well my darling wife, let me give her something to really be annoyed about…" I grab her around the waist, just as I had right after we'd exchanged our vows and I'd kissed her for the _second_ time as my bride.

I place one hand at the middle of her back and, steadying her with my other, I dip her backwards to the point that her gorgeous mahogany hair is almost touching the ground. I then lick her neck with the tip of my tongue slowly along the underside of her jaw, from just past her chin to her earlobe, lastly kissing her sweetly at her pulse point. As I bring her back up part way and hold her in my arms, we are standing as if we're about to start a tango. I almost turn around right then, to sprint for the elevators to immediately take her back up to our suite.

"Oh… My… I hope we're going to learn how to dance like _that_ when we get back home…" She tells me breathlessly.

I'm holding her close to my chest now, and I sensuously bury my face in her hair by her ear. She tilts her head back to give me better access to her neck and I breathe against the spot that I had previously licked. I feel her shiver against me. "That can certainly be arranged my lovely bride." I whisper to her.

She turns her head and kisses me sweetly once while she's running her fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck simultaneously. It's both adorable and erotic all at once.

"We… We need to get… To… To dinner, my love…"

She grins wickedly at me as I help her come back up to a standing position next to me and begins walking us towards the restaurant again. "Hummm. I made you stutter, Edward. That's pretty adorable I must say…" She actually sways her hips a little as she walks in front of me.

She is most definitely going to be the death of me before this night is over.

As we reach the maître d', we discover that we've created quite a stir with our antics. He looks from me to Bella and back again. "Monsieur, can we help you?" He huffs and asks us in French.

"Yes. You should have a dinner reservation for Mr. and newly-Mrs. Cullen for 8:00 p.m. this evening." I smile pleasantly at him.

He visibly brightens at my excellent command of French and begins to chuckle. "Ahhhh. I see. You are the newlyweds. Of course. Your table is right this way Monsieur Cullen, Madam Cullen?"

We're seated in a quiet, out of the way corner of the restaurant and I nod appreciatively at him as he pulls Bella's seat out for her to sit. She graciously does and thanks him demurely. We both take in the cozy table and atmosphere of our little hideaway. It is quite spectacular, with floor to ceiling partitions in frosted glass, separating us from the other patrons on one side, heavy chocolate velvet curtains doing the same right behind Bella, and behind me the wall is mirrored, with several heavy black shelves holding books and priceless antiques. Even the small chandelier above us is impressive. I smile at my wife, who seems just as impressed as I am. I think how relieved I am that, so far, our stay appears to be just as wonderful as I'd hoped it would be for her.

As I sit, the maître d' hands us our menus and asks if I'd like to see the wine menu. I chuckle and shake my head. I then tell him that we'll need a bottle of Moët & Chandon, Dom Perignon Oenothèque 1993 set aside to chill. His eyes widen appreciatively and he scurries away to take care of it.

I look up to see Bella staring at me with her eyes wide.

I reach across the table to take her hand in mine. "Don't worry. It was your idea of a compromise that I would take care of the honeymoon and that I could spend whatever I wanted. We agreed to this, remember?"

"Well, I don't have any idea how much that bottle of champagne is going to cost but I was actually sitting her in stunned silence because you know French. _Fluently_. I didn't know that about you…"

I smile and squeeze her hand. "Well, I think it's impressive that you knew I'd just ordered us a bottle of champagne." She gives me a slight scowl. I release her hand, leaning back in my chair and placing my own under my chin contemplatively to admire her. "I'm a classical musician, my love. I read and own sheet music by French, Italian, German and even a few Russian composers." I'm tapping the table lightly with my other hand.

Our waiter comes and after asking Bella's permission with my eyes, I order for us. Watercress salad, boiled, parslied potatoes, asparagus with mint and grilled sea bass with leaks and a roasted red pepper sauce.

"So, you're telling me that you read and speak all those languages fluently…?" She looks stunned so I lean forward again and twine our fingers together on the table top.

"Yes. Russian is the only one of those I mentioned that I am not fully proficient in."

"Oh. My. Well, that's… Interesting?" She looks really flustered now and just a little bit panicked.

"Sweetheart, it just means that when I travel, I now have someone to share all of this with that will appreciate me and what I can do. You. Why does this upset you so?" I really am surprised by her reaction.

The waiter interrupts us momentarily with our main course and salads, serving them simultaneously as I'd requested. After he walks away, she answers me.

"I guess I didn't realize that there were still going to be some major things to discover about you. I thought I already knew you so well…" She almost looks like she's going to cry.

"Honey… What's wrong?" I've taken both her hands in mine across the table now and am rubbing the backs of them with my thumbs in soothing circles.

The smile she breaks out almost blinds me with its intensity. "I'm not tearing up because there's something wrong or I'm sad, Edward. I'm just so impressed and proud with how smart and talented you are. And I can't believe…" She looks away shyly.

I move one of my hands, still holding her's within, to place my index finger under her chin to gently pull her face back to me. "What is it, love?"

"You're all mine." I single tear falls down her cheek, so I immediately release her hands and get up to move around our small, round table to crouch down in front of her.

I place my hands on her knees. "Bella… I love you so much. I'm amazed that you've chosen _me_. I'm nowhere near as kind, talented, beautiful or special as you." I reach up and wipe her tear away.

She places her hands over mine on her knee and sighs contentedly. She mouths to me: "I love you."

I smile and as I stand to return to my seat, I kiss her forehead. "I love you too, sweetheart."

As we talk about how much we both enjoyed everything that Alice did with our wedding and our plans for traveling in the future, we manage to finish our dinner. We continue our comfortable conversation and I tell her more about my guest musician appearances.

She asks if I've composed anything new since I played 'her song' and I admit that I haven't been composing much because I've been so wrapped up in her and in our wedding.

"Oh! Edward. You must. You're so talented!" She's like my own personal cheerleader. I chuckle at her and she giggles. "I guess I am acting a bit like a rabid fan…"

"Kinda like a groupie." I respond by pretending to mumble my words and roll my eyes at her as I finish my entrée.

She tilts her head back and laughs. "Yeah. Like you'd mind. You'd totally love it if I stalked you." She gets a thoughtful look in her eyes as she continues. "_Are there_ classical music groupies?" Her head's now tilted in the opposite direction now and I can't help but snicker at her.

"No, you goofball." I order us coconut Pot du Crème to share for dessert. I get the attention of the maître d' and he quickly comes to our table. "Could you send the bottle of Moët & Chandon that I requested up to our room now, please?"

"Yes, of course Monsieur Cullen. Right away." He turns sharply from me and snaps his fingers at our waiter and furiously passes on my request. The waiter's eyes grow large and he nervously returns to our table with the updated bill. I hand him my Centurion AmEx and he swallows heavily as he takes it from me.

I look back to my wife to see her eyes wide again. "_Edward_. I thought the Black Card was an urban legend?" She whispers furiously to me.

"Um, no. It gives me privileges that other cards don't. It's also really handy to have one card that doesn't have a spending limit…"

I see 'the look' cross her face and realize I've got to nip this in the bud right now. "Isabella, what's mine is yours and what's yours in mine, remember?" I have her attention now at least. I feel my eyebrows pull together. "Actually, I'm surprised you haven't received an invitation to receive one."

Our dessert comes and we share it with two spoons. I can't help but laugh at her petulance about sharing it with me. "Hummm. Something I guess I'll have to remember for the future my dearest wife. I see you don't like to share sugary items…" She giggles in response.

As I look back up into her lovely face, I can actually see a sense of calm overtake her. I smile towards her and as she's reaching for my hand across the table, I'm quickly clasping it tightly within mine. "Edward, I'm sorry. Your finances aren't exactly unknown to me and I _am_ doing fairly well for myself." She looks at me apologetically and sets her spoon down carefully. "I think I know why I'm panicking over things about you right now." She blushes a pretty shade of pink and I squeeze her fingers to encourage her to go on, setting down my own utensil.

She leans forward slightly and I automatically bend towards her across the table. "I think I'm a little bit afraid about tonight." She whispers and her blush grows deeper while she smiles sweetly at me.

Before I can respond, the waiter returns with my card and a receipt. _Thank God._ We can head up to our rooms and I can show her, finally, how much she means to me.

But first I have to make her feel comfortable about it.

I step to her side of our table and help her to stand. As she does, I look into her eyes and try to convey how much I appreciate and love her. I give her a small smile and tenderly place my hand at her lower back, splayed out as far as my fingers will reach, urging her towards the restaurants' entrance.

As we reach the lobby, I wrap my arm around her middle and squeeze her gently. I hold her tightly to me around her waist but I am silent as we walk towards the elevators.

After we get in I hit our floor number and then I turn her to face me, resting one hand at her hip and with the other I'm lightly tracing her lips with my index finger. "Bella, there is absolutely no need for us to be nervous or afraid about tonight. This is about us sharing ourselves with each other, sharing a physical and spiritual connection with our one true confidante, our other half, our mate."

I allow my eyes to roam over her features hungrily, caressing her cheekbone with my thumb as I continue. "This is only a beginning for us. I promise to cherish you and lavish you with all the love that you could possibly ever wish for."

The elevator doors open and I pull her along with me to our room, opening the door and ushering her in ahead of me.

I let go of her hand and place the 'do not disturb' sign on the outside of our door, closing and locking it firmly behind me. I then turn back to her, taking her face in both my hands and cradling it while backing her gently up to the foyer wall. I lean in and barely kiss her luscious lips.

"You're so beautiful, Bella." I whisper to her as I slowly and reverently kiss her eyelids, eyebrows, the tops of her cheekbones and then her nose. Leaving my own nose lightly touching hers, I slide my hands down her arms and back up again. Instead of retaking and cradling her face however, I place my hands flat to the wall on either side of her head. I stare as deep as I can into her eyes, which are now like pools of liquid fire.

"Please don't be afraid." I close my eyes momentarily as I continue. "We're meant to be together."

Her breathing suddenly seems almost labored. As I look back into her eyes, they are dark, so very dark as she stares at me with her lips slightly parted.

The air around us crackles with the intensity of our want for each other, rapidly spiraling up and up until we reach for each other at the same time.

She's grasped the hair at the back of my head tightly within her small fists, and I've moved my hands from the wall down to her hips. As she pulls my head towards her face to kiss me, I'm gripping and pulling her tightly against my torso.

I stop her from kissing me by holding my head back from her just enough to speak against her mouth. "Can you feel it Bella? Can you feel how much we want and need each other, my love?"

As I finish speaking she whimpers and crashes her lips into mine.

After kissing in an almost primal manner for several minutes, we both break away to catch our breaths, resting our foreheads together. "Do you remember what I promised you? To be understanding of any insecurities you may have if you promise to do the same for me?"

She looks up at me, with her fingers still tightly woven through my hair and nods her head haltingly.

I kiss her cheek as I grab her and swing her up to cradle her against my body, to carry her into the bedroom 'bridal' style. "I love you." I tell her simply.

She lets out a ragged breath. "Oh God Edward… I love you."

I set her down to stand at the end of the bed. Her hands are still wrapped around my neck and my fingers are now wrapped around her waist. Moving my hands from her body as briefly as possible, I toe my shoes off and remove my socks. Bella removes one hand from my neck and rests the other on my shoulder to steady herself as she removes her shoes also.

I notice briefly that the room is bathed in soft light from the small chandelier above and the two small side lamps at each side of the bed, and there is a subdued fire that is now burning in the fireplace. I also take quick note of the champagne bucket that's filled with ice and the bottle I had requested, placed on an antique writing desk sitting in front of the room's main window.

There is nothing frantic or hurried about our movements and we never stop looking into each other's eyes.

I carefully remove my jacket as she removes the ribbon around her waist and then the one from her hair, dropping them to the floor behind her, shaking out her wavy, mahogany hair. As I'm reaching for the zipper of her dress at her side, she's removing my tie from around my neck. While I'm slowly lowering the zipper of her dress, she's undoing the buttons of my shirt. As I carefully pull the dress down her body, she's releasing my belt buckle and working on removing my dress pants. I help her with my pants and we stand transfixed, staring at each other in our under garments.

I have on a pair of midnight blue silk boxers and she's wearing a black, lacy strapless bra, tiny lace panties and a garter belt, which is holding her silk stockings in place. I feel my mouth go dry.

The electrical hum between us is as strong as ever. "You're truly stunning, my wife." I reach for her, grasping her lightly at her upper arms and gently shift her to the bed that's right behind her. While placing one knee on the bed, I lay her down on her back with her legs bent at the knees so her calves and feet are left dangling off the end.

As I move back from her, she grasps my forearms with a questioning look in her eyes. "I'm just going to remove your stockings and what not for you, my angel." Her eyes become hooded and I give her my most disarming smile. "It's completely unfair that you still have so much more clothing on than me."

That's done it. She removes one of her hands from my forearm to throw it across her mouth as she giggles. I move out of her reach and as I kneel in front of her on the floor at the end of the bed, her giggling comes to an abrupt halt. She's now propped herself up on her elbows so she can watch me and what it is I'm doing.

I reach back towards her and brush my fingers across her belly, watching her stomach muscles contract involuntarily and her head roll back slightly as she groans. I listen in fascination as her breathing becomes slightly more pronounced. I then travel around her right hip, lightly trailing her upper thigh with my fingertips to stop at the top of her stocking. I release the clasps and begin to gently and very slowly remove it. As finally I pull it off of her dainty foot, I drop it behind me with one hand while I'm continuing to hold onto her with the other, kissing her toes and her instep. I do the exact same thing to her left leg and foot. I then drag her garter belt past her hips, around her bottom and down her legs. Her breathing has again sped up and I'm finding it difficult to maintain my restraint.

I stand back up and again kneel on the bed, only now I am leaning over her with one knee between both of hers. She places her hands on my shoulders and I very carefully move her farther up on the bed. I then tenderly unclasp her bra and remove it from her.

She is exquisite. Perfect. "God you're so perfect, my angel."

I lower myself down to her to put some of my weight across her body. We moan in unison as so much of our bare skin touches for the first time.

We begin exploring each other with our hands, tongues and mouths until I'm sure my body is going to burst into flames if I don't take her soon.

"Bella… My beloved…" We're kissing as passionately as we ever have and she's almost clawing at my boxers to get them off of me, succeeding quite rapidly. My mind barely registers that her panties are already off of her body as she practically growls at me. "Edward, _please_…"

I position myself above her. "Are you sure you're ready, love?" I'm a little apprehensive because the last thing I want to do is hurt her. I know that I am not her first lover but she has abstained… For a very long time.

It's not the only thing I'm apprehensive about, I realize suddenly. I'm a little bit afraid of not being able to satisfy her. I've only ever been with one other person and let's just say it had never really been like how they show it in the movies. I was always too reticent to ask Kate questions outright and she was never forthcoming with any hints of her own wants.

I don't want Bella to feel cheated and I am desperately hopeful that I can somehow manage to live up to all of her expectations. I find it hard to believe that my unabashed wife will have any trouble telling me exactly what she thinks, however.

_Ahhh. Yes. There's that spark. _Bella gives me a look in response to my earlier question, which I'm fairly certain would have made me cower in fear if not for our current positions. "If I were any more ready…" She grumbles.

I don't need to be told twice.

As I begin to take her for the first time, she stiffens slightly and I immediately still all movement. "Bella, sweetheart… Are you o.k.?"

As I brush her hair out of her eyes I can see that there are tears forming. Before I can do or say anything however, she touches my lips with her fingertips. "I couldn't possibly be happier than I am right now. Please Edward… Make me _completely_ yours."

I tentatively begin again and can feel her relax a little bit after repositioning herself slightly and wrapping one of her legs around my hip. We both let out shuddering gasps at the change and the smile that spreads across her face almost knocks the breath completely out of me.

As we move together, I am sure that without her whispers of love and encouragement to ground me, I would have simply passed out from the sheer pleasure of being within her.

I don't know, even to this day, that I would be able to adequately describe the simply stunning quality of our lovemaking.

Several times that night we both had difficulty putting into words how we were feeling. But our mingled cries of pleasure and adoration for the other more than made up for our lack of verbosity.

The truly frightening thing, for me at least, was that after the initial shock of how extraordinary we were together that first night, we have done nothing but continue to bring ecstasy to the other every time we've made love since.

Many people say that a marriage is about splitting all the responsibly, wants and needs right down the middle—fifty/fifty.

I know better.

It hasn't always been perfect but we've always been perfect for each other. Giving and taking in tandem. Giving one hundred and ten percent to each other, every time we're together, in everything we do. It's the only way to be truly happy with another person.

By giving them all of yourself.

When that kind of love is returned, it can only be described as heaven on earth.

And Bella is definitely my angel.

My wife. My mate.

For eternity.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like… Look, I can't even pull anything from this Chap without it sounding super smutty. So, just review—please! LOL_**


	22. Marriage Equals Power

_**A/N: ...And on we go with more of the honeywoon...**_

**_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _**

* * *

><p>Insecurities. What possible <em>insecurities<em> could a man like Edward Cullen have? Especially about sex. I mean, holy cow! He's practically sex on legs as it is!

But he _isn't_ secure in the knowledge that he is amazingly good looking. He doesn't even _really_ think he's particularly sexy.

Once we consummated our marriage, I realized what he had meant by 'insecurities.' He had worried that he wouldn't be 'good enough' for me, not 'experienced' enough for me. I explained to him, after our first bout of lovemaking, that any amount of experience or lack thereof wasn't going to change how we were together.

We completed each other in a way that no one else could accomplish for us.

The way we were _together_ would not be the same with _anyone else_. I was absolutely sure of this. We were, quite literally as far as I was concerned, made for each other. Making love only deepened the intense connection we already shared.

As I had gotten to know him through all of our telephone conversations, I knew he was intelligent, witty and gentlemanly.

When I first saw him at the fair in Petworth, I thought he was stunningly beautiful.

But there were some important additional things I learned about him on our wedding night. I learned that he was patient, caring, tender and very, very passionate.

And I loved him all the more because of it.

Honestly, it had been so romantic to be shown Paris by someone who had visited this 'City of Light' many times before. But I knew that when we got to our final honeymoon destination, I'd feel _relieved_. I really just wanted to spend the weeks we would be there exploring each other in as many intimate ways as we possibly could.

I needed to show him and make him understand that we would always be together. That he was beautiful. Inside and out.

While still in Paris, however, there was one romantic thing he did that was simply awe-inspiring; taking me to visit the Salle Pleyel Concert Hall. We arrived midday and it had already been set up for a Christmas piano solo that was being held later that evening.

It is a truly stunning venue. Everything in whites, reds, black and gold. Its more simple Art Deco elegance is breathtaking. Just inside the main entrance is a dramatic rotunda that transforms into a vast foyer. The floor of the rotunda is a complicated, compass-like star pattern in blacks and various shades of white.

As we walked through the main foyer and headed for a set of entry doors to the concert hall itself, Edward held my left hand within his warm grasp and was making small circles with his thumb on the back of it. I was so enraptured by our surroundings I almost didn't see the man that was standing next to the entry doors.

He recognized Edward immediately and they quickly greeted each other excitedly in French. The man stopped speaking to Edward suddenly and gave me an almost reverent small bow, then ushered us into the concert hall.

It was simply stunning. The walls were all white except for the ones on the first level, which had what looked like birch wood paneling. The stage itself was made with such a light colored wood that it looked bright and almost glowing with light. All the seats were in gold-toned colored wood except for the upholstery, which was in a deep red.

As I'd made a complete circle in the aisle to take it all in, I realized that Edward was no longer standing next to me. I was also a little confused when I realized that the man that had led us into the hall had closed the doors behind us after we'd walked through.

I began to feel a little bewildered until Edward reappeared at my side, re-took my hand and led me to the front row seats, whispered a request that I sit, and then walked hesitantly to the stairs located to the left of the stage.

I finally figured out what was happening. Edward was going to play for me and only for me. At one of his very favorite venues. My hands flew to my face in shock and excitement.

As he sat down at the piano bench, he looked down to me and winked but his hands hesitated over the keys. I immediately felt calmed and dropped my hands to my lap. I coyly smiled up at him and nodded for him to begin.

He played a version of my song and then several of Debussy's piano solo compositions, followed by several Brahms Intermezzi for piano. I was stunned at his playing. Stating the rather obvious, especially considering the concert hall we were in, the sound was so much richer, deeper than when he'd played for me at home. I could now see why he had travelled the world to play.

He loved it and was truly gifted but nothing could compare to his playing in an honest to goodness concert hall.

As his hands came to a standstill, mine began clapping almost without me realizing it. I think I even managed a little shout-out of 'bravo!' His head went back in loud laughter and he immediately stood and walked to the very front of the stage to bow deeply to me.

As I stood and continued to clap, he looked at me with his eyes shining. He turned on his heel and jogged back over to the stairs to come and meet me at my seat.

As he reached me, he wrapped his arms around my body and hugged me to his own tightly. "That was the most gratifying concert I've ever given."

I hugged him back as hard as I could manage. "That was amazing, Edward. Thank you so much!" I pulled back slightly and gave him a devious grin. "I can honestly call myself a classical music groupie now that I see how sexy you are when you're playing!"

"That's the only time you've seen me be sexy?" His telltale smirk was all I saw before I stood up on my tiptoes and claimed his lips with my own.

After a couple of minutes and almost breathless, I released his bottom lip from my teeth and ran my tongue along it. "Oh no, my gorgeous, very lovely husband. Certainly not. But I do believe that this experience will have a special place in my heart as to just how smolderingly wonderful you truly are." I gave him my very best come-hither look. "Let's go back to the hotel so I can _show_ you how much I appreciate this personal concert appearance by your own sexy self."

He moaned and reclaimed my lips as we kissed almost feverishly for several minutes. I had my hands raking though the hair at the back of his neck, tugging on it forcefully as he slowly began moving his hands lower and lower down my back. Our heads turned one way and then another to try and almost devour each other. He was almost to the swell of my rear end when the doors to the hall reopened and the gentleman who had brought us in gave a nervous cough.

Our hands stilled their movements but we enjoyed one more kiss before we completely broke apart to leave the theatre hand in hand.

Oh yeah. Someone got lucky after that little stunt. I just couldn't tell you who was luckier; me or Edward.

We spent Christmas Eve Day seeing everything we could that was located between Charles de Gaulle and the Parc de Monceau before we took the métro to catch our train from the Gare de Nord rail station to our final destination—Avignon, France—and then took our rented Peugeot RCZ to the Cypresses Villa outside of the Renaissance era village of Gordes.

On the way to the Villa, I tried to get out of him why in the world he'd rented this particular sports car… To no avail. I figured it was just one of his quirks—wanting to check out unique vehicles. I told him he shouldn't have bothered, since I had no plans on doing a lot of sightseeing once we got to the Villa anyway. After a few moments of silence, he let out a loud chortle and we laughed together for several more minutes.

As we pulled up the drive, I felt my excitement begin to build in earnest.

He hadn't been kidding about the Villa being secluded.

This part of Southern France is apparently very hilly. The Villa was actually on its own small, rocky hill.

After we'd found the small car park and Edward worked on getting our things together to take them in, I had the opportunity to peruse the property a little bit.

There was a ten foot stone wall that surrounded the main house, that looked like it was made from limestone. In fact, every wall and building was built with this same light-colored, almost white stone.

The garden entrance to the main portion of the house was reached by going through an arched opening and grey, double doors. The house itself was simple, square but large, with traditional terra cotta roof tiles. All the windows had small, grey shutters that were currently all open, as were most of the windows.

As I reached the back door, Edward found me. "How are you doing, sweetheart?" His smile could have lit up a small town.

I gave him one in return. "Fantastic. But a little tired. I think I'd like to take a nap before lunch, if that's alri…"

I'd barely gotten through my question when he'd suddenly scooped me up and was now carrying me through the doorway into the home. I gave a small squeak in response before I found my voice.

"Edward? What _are_ you doing?"

"My love, for the first year of our marriage, every doorway we cross of each home that we'll be spending at least one night at… I'll be carrying you across the threshold."

_Oh my God._ How romantic. I almost shed a tear at his sweet declaration but I just couldn't do it. I'll admit now that I was probably a little punchy from all the travelling but I couldn't stop my snarky reply regardless.

"Only the first year?" I whined horribly.

He laughed so hard and so suddenly he almost dropped me. "Well, I'm assuming that by the end of the first year, after all my marvelous cooking, you will have gained a few pounds and I just won't be able to do it anymore. What with my aged back and…"

"You rotten man! I can't believe you just called me future-fat! And on our _honeymoon_ no less!" I harrumphed loudly.

He very sensuously and slowly slid me down his body to place me standing in front of him. He held my face with one hand while with the other he brushed my hair away from my eyes. "I would never… You're in so much better shape than me even after all my cooking, that I'm a bit embarrassed my darling." As he'd been speaking, he was slowly bending towards me so that at the end of his statement, he was kissing me sweetly.

I gave an involuntary moan and before I could stop, my traitorous body was responding to him in a most intimate way. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and neck and gave his bottom lip a languid lick. He opened his mouth to me and began fighting for dominance against my tongue with his own. He moaned deeply and held me tighter to him, to the point I could feel his want for me quite clearly.

We barely made it upstairs to the bed.

Needless to say, I didn't take a nap right then. I didn't mind. This was the point of a honeymoon, wasn't it? Coming together as many times as we could while never having to worry about being interrupted by real life. It was incredible. _He_ was incredible.

After our mid-morning nookie, we explored the property before fixing lunch together.

The Villa was pretty darn nice. There were five bedrooms plus the master suite. There was a nice seating area and dining room off of the kitchen, and even the kitchen itself had a lovely table and chairs for us to eat breakfast at while enjoying the morning sunshine and listening to the song birds that were perpetually flying through the back garden.

The kitchen was amazing. Rustic but still with all stainless steel appliances and every kitchen utensil you could possibly want. It was also fully stocked with all kinds of local fruits, vegetables, meats… You name it, we had it.

We cooked many things together in that kitchen but I can't say that it was always at what would be considered 'normal' eating times. We pretty much worked around our bouts of lovemaking as best we could. We ate when we were hungry but that was about it. No set time schedule, no set plans…

The Villa also had an enormous side yard that contained a large infinity pool with a cabana on one side, a small stone waterfall on another and a submerged beach on the end.

We dined al fresco many times at the lovely patio table by the pool and the other on the balcony outside our bedroom.

Ahh. All kinds of perfect.

The pool even lit up at night. I know this for a fact since we had spent some 'quality time' in that pool numerous evenings. Thanks to Alice, I _did_ have a swim suit packed. I just didn't find any opportunities to wear it after the first time I had tried. Edward was… Impatient. And who says you can't go skinny-dipping with your husband anyway? Certainly not me. And I can guarantee said husband had no problems with it.

Hummm. I could definitely see why he'd picked such an out-of-the-way and isolated place. Sneaky devil.

We were swimming early one evening when I broached the subject of our impending departure.

"Ummmm Edward…" We were both naked, wet and extremely thankful that the pool was heated. With a steamy fog floating through the entire yard, it seemed a little spooky to me. His sucking and kissing on my neck made it much less scary, however.

"Edward…" I really was trying to talk to him. He just didn't seem interested in what I had to say at that particular moment.

I finally got his attention by letting go of the hair at the back of his neck and lightly splashing him in the face with pool water. "Edward!"

His head snapped back from me and he looked… Stunning. His hair, almost black from the water, was plastered down in most places except for where my fingers had been. He was still slightly pale, as was I, since we had come in winter and therefore there hadn't been a lot of sun to enjoy.

I was glad he wasn't deeply tanned. His smooth skin, with only a smattering of body hair on his chest and of course the trail of beautifully dark hair below his bellybutton, gave him an ethereal quality I greatly enjoyed.

"Edward…" He managed to get one more languid kiss in as I continued. "I don't really want to bring this up but… We're leaving in a few days and we didn't really get to see much."

He laughed lightly against my cheek. "I thought this trip was all about the love-making and not any sight-seeing my darling, beautiful, _incredibly_ sexy wife." He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, released it, and then began nibbling, kissing and licking his way along my jaw, then my neck, to the juncture at my shoulder. As he reached this particular spot on my body, he let out a guttural moan before biting me ever so succinctly.

I almost screamed out in ecstasy. He certainly hadn't ever done _that_ before.

"Oh. My. God. Edward…" I managed to choke out.

My head lolled back as he moved one of his hands to caress and tantalize one of my breasts and with the other, held the back of my head so it wouldn't hit the side of the pool.

"You're simply… You are… Exquisite, my bride." He began kissing me again in earnest and I felt him pressing against my inner thigh in all his glory. Yep. My man was definitely well endowed.

Needless to say, after that particular bit of sexiness, I was _doubly_ happy we didn't have any neighbors. And, apparently, he had finally become much, _much_ more sure of himself.

Telling him that my experiences with him so far had yet to end in me not feeling… Well… _Completely satisfied_, might have had a little something to do with him being more confident.

He was actually becoming a little smug.

Several days later and who knows how many times… Oh, who am I kidding! After five more 'incidents of passion,' as Edward began calling them, we were all packed and ready to head back home.

We'd decided to take a few moments for ourselves before we drove back to the train station and just relax. We were seated together on the bench that sat on the patio off of the master bedroom.

I was leaning heavily into Edward's torso, with my hands resting against his chest, while he had one hand draped over the arm rest and the other around my shoulders.

As he was playing with the ends of my hair, I took a deep breath and sighed.

I felt him turn his head and kiss the crown of my head. "Are you alright, love?"

I smoothed out his shirt with my fingertips. "I hope we can come back here. I'd really like to stay here again but in the Springtime, ya' know?" I snuggled into him a little deeper.

He chuckled. "I'm fairly certain that can be arranged." He gave me a squeeze. "We could even make it a family affair by bringing Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett. This place is plenty big enough for all of us."

I started getting excited. "Oh my gosh, Edward! What I great idea! We could all check out the wineries, the local monastery… They grow lavender all over the place around here! I _love_ lavender… Oh! We could all take some regional cooking classes together! We could go and visit all the local museums…"

His laughter cut off my rambling. "Um, apparently you think this might be something you'd maybe like to do?"

I felt my cheeks redden slightly. "Yes." I also felt slightly silly and suddenly a little shy.

Of course my husband noticed immediately. "Bella, we can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Between us we are extremely blessed financially. But we're even more blessed because of our families, our friends, Gracie… And the amount of time we can spend with all of them. And each other."

As I turned awkwardly in my seat to look at him, I got caught in his dazzling gaze. "You are so right…" I _of course_ started to tear-up. "I love you Edward. So, so much…" I had his shirt collar now fisted into my hands.

I only managed to get out one little sniff before he was kissing me deeply. He encouraged me with his hands and arms to move to a more comfortable position against him. But I just couldn't let go of him.

I heard him let out a muffled grunt as he picked me up to take me into the bedroom, without releasing my lips from his own.

"Bella…" He moaned my name as he laid me across the bed. I immediately felt excited about one last romantic interlude before we left. It felt so reckless and exhilarating.

I had my fingers wrapped around his forearms but he stepped back from the bed suddenly, forcing me to let go of him, almost as if he'd changed his mind.

I knew it had probably been too much to wish for. Edward was not very good at impulsive behavior when there were schedules to keep. He probably didn't want to be late for our train back home…

I immediately felt self-conscious and wanton. I sighed sadly and slowly began to roll over away from him.

"Don't!" The tone of his voice was suddenly commanding and forceful. As I turned sharply back to face him, my eyes widened at the realization that he had already removed his shoes, socks, sweater and shirt, and was now working on removing his khakis.

My eyes locked with his deep, green orbs, which had become quite dark. So dark, in fact, that I was certain I'd never seen them like this before. I felt my eyes scrunch up a bit…

I then became aware of the sudden change in atmosphere around us, which I had somehow missed—it was charged with an intensity that almost made the air seem to crackle.

It was like our souls had channeled some kind of electromagnetic force, compelling us so strongly to the other that I was almost afraid of what might be coming next.

Almost.

"Don't you dare assume the worst about me, Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen." His voice was gravelly but still authoritative. "I would _never_ so callously bring you to a state of want like that and then just… Abandon you."

As he finished speaking, I realized he had completed the removal of his khakis without me noticing. Somehow I'd also missed his last step, too… His boxers were now gone from his body. His need for me was quite obvious as he stood at the end of our bed, with his hands held stiffly into fists at his sides.

He was now so unlike the man who'd felt slightly unsure when we'd been with each other for the first time on our wedding night.

Edward now looked like a powerful and glorious Greek god, impatiently awaiting the acquiesce of his simple human lover.

Marrying me apparently freed him.

I gleefully and carefully pulled my sweater over my head, then laid back down, undid my dress pants and pushed them over my hips and down my legs, removing my shoes as I did so. I dropped all of it to the floor at the side of our bed. I was left in only my cream-colored and very lacy bra and panty set.

I forced myself to relax, laying back and placing one hand over my head while with the other, I brushed lightly along the skin around my bellybutton.

As our eyes remained locked, I began to feel what it might be like between a predator and his prey. "Remove your bra." His voice was absolute.

I was a little shocked with his demeanor but I could still see his love for me in the depths of his extremely intense gaze. I did as he commanded, tossing it to the floor with my other clothing and then fell back to the bed, placing my arms and hands back where they'd been before he'd uttered his directive to me.

Even though Edward was definitely the predator in this scenario, the look of absolute need and want in his eyes made me feel gloriously desired.

_He may be like Adonis but he is mine. And only mine._ I thought to myself. I knew then as I do now that I would do everything within my power to be the only woman he would ever need or want.

A small smile began to grow on my face. I knew without any doubt that I had already succeeded.

I felt _powerful_.

I watched him as his stance visibly relaxed. He leaned forward, placing one knee on the end of the bed, following with his other, and then began moving towards me very carefully and sinuously.

As he reached me, trailing his fingers up my legs and thighs as he went, he slowly pulled my hand away from my stomach and placed it above my head with my other. As he held both of my hands and arms within his strong grasp, he left a burning trail along the skin between my breasts and down my stomach with the fingertips of his left hand, finally bringing them to rest at the swell of my right hip.

He bent his glorious face towards me, his eyes hooded and dangerously languid. "Do you not understand my constant…" Kiss "Unwavering…" Kiss "And unending…" Kiss "_Need_ for you, my wife?" As he licked indolently along my lower lip, a loud whimper escaped me.

Without removing his lips from mine, he began to patiently remove my panties from my body with his free hand. I wiggled a bit to help him and after several long, torturous minutes, he had succeeded in completely disrobing me.

He moved his head back from mine for a moment, and while still holding me in place, he very, very slowly and purposefully looked over my entire body from head to toe. _Twice_.

It was then that I heard his growl.

"Mine. You. Are. MINE." He immediately fell upon me, aligning our bodies up and pressing his chest against mine in a most delightful way. He quickly found and began to deliciously war with my tongue. He stopped for a few seconds, and I heard his mumbled plea against my swollen and tingling lips. "I would wish, with all that I am, _to cease to exist_ if I no longer had your love, my Bella…" He kissed me once more and groaned as our passion continued to spiral out of control.

He let go of my arms that were still above my head, grabbed me around my middle and roughly moved me to the center of the mattress. I let out a little squeak of surprise. His eyes shifted to mine, and that's when I saw it.

Unrestrained and unwavering. Complete unadulterated lust, love and reverence, all rolled together into one, intense stare.

His gaze quickly softened as he smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry if I seem to be losing control… I _swear to you_ that I'm not. I love you, Isabella. My need for you right now is almost a _living thing_." For the first time since he'd brought me into the bedroom, his eyes slipped from mine.

"When I thought that you believed me to be capable of ignoring your needs and wants just to… _Keep a time schedule_…" He shook his head and looked back to me. "Something rose up in me that I not only couldn't stop but… I… I didn't want to." His eyes became piercing orbs of desire. "But I would _never, ever_ hur…"

I cut him off quickly. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you have not hurt me and I _know_ that you never would. But I have to say…" I let out a long sigh and blew on some hair that had fallen into my eyes. "You are soooooo amazingly hot right now, sweetie."

That was all he needed to hear, apparently.

He was so powerful, so almost animalistic that he took my breath away. Completely. Twice!

He still managed to be amazingly tender, however.

Did I say my husband was passionate? Um, yeah. Understatement of the _year_.

It was the most intense lovemaking we engaged in over the entire duration of our honeymoon.

Over the years that followed, it wasn't repeated very often. He was just too sweet, too compassionate, too _kindhearted_ to be that… Predatory, on a regular basis. No matter how many times I told him I enjoyed getting a little bit… _Adventurous_ with him, he refused to allow himself to let go very often.

Which is alright with me, I suppose… I'd much rather it be a special moment between us when he stalks and devours me than have him like that all the time. That would get kind-of menacing, I think.

And, secretly, one of the things I love the most about Edward is how amazingly sweet-tempered he is.

He's very strong but patient. Attractive but self-deprecating. He's determined but at the same time so very gentle. He's so very, very loving and tender.

I love him more today than I did even when we were first married.

And I will continue to love him. Forever.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like getting a love bite. From Edward. … Not really. _**

**_But I'd still love to hear from you and what you think about my little story. ;)_**


	23. Differing Opinions

_**A/N: Is this the last Chap, you ask? Nope. :)**_

_****_DISCLAIMER: The Twilight characters of course all belong to Stephenie Meyer and are her property; no copyright infringement is intended nor will any money be earned by me from them. I'm just living in her world for a little bit. _****_

* * *

><p>Ahhhh. Reading and being lazy. Two of my favorite pastimes. I raised one hand to my eyes as I squinted and looked out across the back yard. As I stared, I suddenly heard guitars resonate through the stereo in the living room. I smiled to myself as I remembered that I'd put in my favorite Band of Horses CD, their 'Infinite Arms' album, to start right about now… Two hours ago. <em>Wow. I've been sitting here for two hours already?<em>

It was now starting to actually feel a bit hot in the music room…

_It seems unusually warm in southern England today for it being only mid-May._ I thought to myself.

It was in fact warm enough that I'd opened the patio doors to take in the sights and sounds of our lovely backyard and hopefully a cool breeze. _Maybe it's time to close them up now._ I thought ruefully. Southern England had the distinction of having normally mild summers. Today was the first time since moving here from the States that I actually thought having air conditioning might not be such a bad idea.

As I stared out and contemplated getting up from my comfy seat, I remembered the other reason I'd opened the back doors up. I also thought it would be a good way of keeping an eye on Gracie… We were well aware that she loved the garden as much as we did.

_Amazing. After almost five years of marriage, I'm still enthralled with our shared home. _I snorted.

But it was true! All my walks along his back fence years ago… Gracie's escape and subsequent adventure to find me… All those telephone conversations with Edward… Our short but impassioned romance… Had brought me to right now, to this very moment.

I was almost happy beyond all reason. I leaned back in my Cambridge-style leather chair and took in a deep breath. _Ahhh. Fresh, English country air._

This life definitely couldn't be beat.

I had my feet tucked under me and a deep burgundy, knitted afghan pressed between my legs and the side of the chair like a pillow. I had no doubt Alice would laugh at me if she saw its current state of prominence in our home.

You see, over an eight-month period, she'd knitted it for Jasper only to discover that he hated wool. We got it by default and she hasn't knitted anything since.

It actually matches my chair pretty well—we'd bought this leather behemoth after I'd complained that I couldn't read upstairs in the library while Edward was playing piano. After he'd looked at me like I'd insulted him, I'd further explained that while I was reading I didn't like being so far away from him, that I simply missed him too much.

He'd immediately gone online, found and ordered this chair.

After moving the piano over it fit perfectly in the corner closest to the French doors. I could read to my heart's content, listening to Edward practice his piano solos and occasionally stealing a view out over our picturesque back garden.

Or I could sneak a view of my magnificent husband as he played.

I sighed, remembering the last time he'd caught me ogling him while practicing the piano.

We definitely know how solidly built that piano bench is now, that's for sure.

_Ahem… _Anyhoo…

Sighing as I think back to that fond memory, I look out across the yard to see that Gracie had apparently given up on her most recent endeavor—chasing rabbits. She was now sprawled out on the lawn in a small patch of bright sunlight, fast asleep.

I shook my head and went back to my journal that I'd been reading before I had begun daydreaming. I ran my fingers along the spine, noting a few tiny cracks that had begun to appear in the leather. I smiled warmly, remembering back to when Edward had given it to me.

It was Christmas Day, two days after we'd gotten married. With everything that had gone on with the wedding, I had neglected to buy him any kind of a Christmas present. He had not forgotten to get something for me, however.

I had been so surprised and touched by his gift of a writer's journal, that he decided to wait to give my other gift to me until New Year's Day.

It was a gorgeous, Venetian glass dip pen, in swirling blue Murano glass, with matching deep blue Italian dipping ink. Even with all the wonderful gifts that Edward has given me over the years, these two items, the journal, and the pen, are by far my favorites.

The perfect glass nib will produce half a page of text with a single dip. Writing with this pen on the handmade paper contained within my handsome journal cover has always made me think of ancient times, when writing was a privilege and something accomplished slowly, with great meaning.

It now sits proudly on my desk in my upstairs office. I only ever use it to write in my journal or letters to Charlie and Angela.

I haven't run out of room in my journal since every year since that first Christmas, Edward has purchased new ink and the same lovely paper to insert into my journal cover. I keep each year's journal entries on a shelf in our bedroom, only keeping the current year in my cover.

This last year has been the only exception to that rule so far. Since last September, we'd been travelling so much that I didn't really have time to write anything other than small snippets of feelings and thoughts.

There are of course many pages taken up with the memories from last summer, however, which I had in fact been re-reading this very morning.

I went back to staring at my journal. It was now a beautifully rich and deep red-brown, almost the same color as my favorite reading chair that I was still ensconced in. On this fine May morning, I had decided to reread what I had written regarding my feelings about Alice's and Jasper's announcement from last May.

After three years of trying and several failed attempts with invitro-fertilization, they had gathered the family together and announced that they were going to adopt. From another country, in fact—specifically the Czech Republic and had, they informed us quietly, already started proceedings and would be taking a trip to Prague two weeks from when they had informed us.

It had come as a bit of a shock to me. Not that they wanted a child or that they'd decided to adopt… It was more about how Edward had reacted to the news.

I didn't realize his reaction even bothered me at the time, since, I was just as excited as the rest of the family for them that afternoon.

No, it was a few weeks later, after Edward and I had dropped them off at the airport so they could take their first trip to Prague to visit with the adoption agency and authorities there. He had been his usual, cheerful self, patting Jasper on the back rather forcefully and then hugging Alice right before they headed through the first security point. I took note that he had hugged Alice a little longer than he normally would have.

As we stood and waved one more time to them before turning to leave, I brought this observation up.

"Oh, I don't know… I'll just miss her, I suppose…" He replied in a smooth, buttery voice.

For some unknown reason, I didn't push him on it. I knew that there was more to it than that. But after he'd responded, he'd turned quickly and held my face between his hands and gave me a deeply passionate kiss.

I'll admit it. Between the sexy voice and the searing kiss I forgot all about what I had originally noticed about their exchange.

Until later that evening while I was writing in my journal, that is.

He had looked… Melancholy.

I wasn't sure what it meant. Did he want us to adopt? Was he ready? Was I ready? We had of course discussed the subject of adoption shortly before our wedding and had concluded that we would wait.

However, neither of us stated exactly _how long_ we were going to wait.

So now, five years later, Alice and Jasper had adopted a beautiful three-year old baby girl—Elizabeth. She was bright and energetic, with dark curly hair and enormous brown eyes. We all loved her dearly.

The baby-bug had even bitten Emmett and Rose last year. They now had two-month old twin boys; Alvin and Arthur. Adorable doesn't even begin to describe them.

But I didn't feel the intense need to run out and procure a child myself. Spending time with Elizabeth and the twins had not suddenly 'turned-on' my mothering instincts. I was happy with my life and I assumed Edward was too.

Now, thinking back to his reaction to Alice and Jasper when they were beginning their parenting adventure… I wasn't so sure that we were in the same frame of mind concerning children.

He had completed his PhD in Music Theory only the year before and we had decided that he would not immediately begin teaching. His love of playing in concert halls was just too powerful. He had his degree and could always teach in the future.

Around the same time, I came to the conclusion that I no longer felt the intense need to write novels. I had written my great story and, since we'd gotten married, one other insanely successful book. I simply no longer wanted to continue down that same path.

I informed Edward that I had decided that I would like to write about our experiences with different venues, locales and cultures during his guest appearances. It took him a few moments to catch on to what I was really telling him—I wanted to accompany him on all his concert tours. He was excited about us being together and having the opportunity of showing me the 'behind the scenes' part of his world. He was beyond ecstatic.

London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Luxembourg, Zurich, Salzburg, Milano, Rome, Moscow, and St. Petersburg.

It had been three months of something so much more than magical.

Since coming home, I had written about our experiences within the world of classical music as we had travelled together. Over the last two months, I'd gotten some of my musings published as articles in The New Yorker and The Nation magazines, as well as a couple of travel publications.

I sighed, closing my journal and looking over my shoulder, staring at the entire row of new, black shiny frames that contained pictures of some of the highlights of our travels. We had had so much fun, created so many new memories…

I loved him so, so much.

I felt my smile slip slightly, knowing that it was time to discuss my unease regarding adoption with Edward. I was extremely apprehensive to tell him that I didn't think I wanted that for us—at least not in the foreseeable future—if ever.

One of my main worries was that Edward would be turning 40 in just a few months and may feel his masculine 'parental clock' ticking away.

I really didn't know how he was going to react to my admission but I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. He was due home from his run at the local prep college in about ten minutes.

I suddenly felt very, very nervous.

But… We'd never hidden anything from each other. We'd based our friendship and marriage on complete honesty and I certainly wasn't going to break that vow now. I felt more determined than nervous after this thought.

Until the front door opened.

"Hey honey." He called loudly to me as he strode through the living room, after dropping his keys on the side table in the foyer. "I'm back!"

I actually sighed as I looked up at him when he reached me. _There's that megawatt smile I love. _I felt my grin slip a little bit when I thought about the fact that his impressive genes would never grace another being.

He grabbed the arm of my chair, to hold his body up as he bent down and kissed my forehead. "How are you doing my love?"

As he stood back up I looked away from him as I replied. "I'm o.k. How was your run?" As I met his eyes again, he looked concerned for a moment.

"It was fine… What's the matter, sweetheart?" His eyebrows were scrunched slightly and he plopped himself down on the floor in front of me. He started taking his running shoes off as he waited for me to respond to his inquiry.

Gracie came in and demanded some attention as I floundered. As he scrubbed the fur around her ears, he was smiling gently at her. "Hey girl! You've been taking care of your mistress, right?" He chuckled and looked back up at me.

I couldn't hide my misgivings any longer.

"Edward… We need to discuss something. It's kind-of important…" _I will not cry, I will NOT cry…_ I hadn't even told him anything yet! Why was I getting so emotional already!

Maybe it was because I was afraid this conversation wouldn't be like all of our others. There was the distinct possibility that he would be very angry with me. Especially if, as I suspected, he was now ready to adopt a child.

How could I tell this amazing, giving, wonderful man that I didn't want that now?

The tears began to fall pretty quickly after that thought.

"Oh my God, what's wrong?" He let go of Gracie and stood up on his knees in front of me, grabbing my thighs with his lovely hands and squeezing tightly.

In a very small, almost whispered voice, I responded. "I'm afraid, Edward. I don't want you to leave me." I brought my hands up to mouth and nose to try and physically hold back my sobs.

"Honey… What the hell are you talking about? I would _never_ leave you! What's happened?" He moved his hands from my legs to my shoulders, to my upper arms and finally to the back of my head, as if he had no idea where to grab me. "Tell me right now what has you this upset." He was a bit edgy now and his eyebrows were so tightly drawn together that he looked almost angry. I could see fear in his deep green eyes, however, not the anger I'd worried about.

I sucked in a shuddering breath and dropped my hands to my lap unceremoniously. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to frighten you." I managed to calm down enough that he didn't look panicked any longer. "Could we… Can we go upstairs, please? I think I need to lie down for just a few minutes…" I reached up quickly to my face, wiping away some of my tears.

He looked at me skeptically but nodded his head in acquiescence. "All right. But… Let me help you, o.k. sweetheart?" He still looked a bit confused but now I could see there was some irritation in his eyes too. I was pretty certain it was towards the awkward situation and not directed at me, however.

After pausing in the kitchen on the way, he comforted Gracie for a moment and got her some dinner. He then helped me upstairs.

He had one arm around my waist as we reached our door and with the other, he cautiously opened it. The hand around my waist slid to the small of my back and he gently pressed there to urge me ahead of him.

After he walked through our bedroom door, he moved to head straight for our bed and as he passed close by me, he hesitated. He reached out to caress my arm and with his fingers and, lingering there lightly, he kissed the top of my head. He continued smoothly on and reaching our bed, turned the comforter and sheets down for me.

He wasn't looking directly at me but I could see the concern written all over his face. He seemed to be staring at our bookshelves, which were behind me, lost in thought.

As I undressed and put one of his t-shirts on, I laid down on our cool sheets. He distractedly covered me with them, smoothing the top sheet carefully.

"Bella, I'm going to take a quick shower. I want you to close your eyes and try to relax." He brushed my hair away from my face with his fingers, stopping at my shoulder giving it a squeeze. "When I come back in here, you need to tell me what's going on, o.k.?" He looked more resigned and less confused.

The way he looked now scared me almost as much as what I needed to tell him. I reached quickly for his hand from under the bedcovers and squeezed his forearm tightly. "O.k. Thank you honey."

I rarely used any terms of endearment towards him. It just usually didn't feel right. But I needed to say something to convey that I wasn't at all upset with _him_.

He looked slightly relieved as he patted my hand and turned away to head into the bathroom. As he reached the door, he looked back to me. "I love you, Bella. Always." He looked concerned again.

I nodded to him and smiled as best as I could, then laid my head down and closed my eyes as he'd asked me to.

I heard the rustling of his clothing and then the shower start. I took deep breaths and willed my heart to calm down. So far I wasn't handling myself well at all. This just wouldn't do.

I had to tell him how I felt but be relaxed enough to allow him to voice his opinion and feelings on the matter.

Maybe he would convince me that we could adopt. Maybe he'd be fine with waiting a few more years. Maybe he would agree with my assessment that perhaps children just weren't in our future at all.

Any way I looked at it, I was justified in my feelings because they were mine. And it was my obligation, as his wife, to share how I was feeling and why I felt the way I did.

I felt immensely more calm when he returned from the bathroom than when he'd entered it. "Hi." I greeted him sheepishly.

I sat up to see him more fully, with the sheets tangled around my body and my arms wrapped around my legs. I smiled sweetly at him, trying to convey all the love and respect I held for him in that one small gesture.

He gave me my favorite little crooked grin in return, as he fluidly came towards our bed already dressed in his boxers and a black t-shirt.

"You look a bit better now, love." He warmly told me as he slid under the sheets. He stuck his arms out towards me and I could do nothing but crawl right into his embrace.

"O.k., what's happened Bella." He oh-so gently kissed my forehead and then held me tightly for a few seconds.

I hugged him back and took a deep breath. _Here goes…_ "Do you remember when we dropped Alice and Jasper off at the airport last year, for their first trip to Prague?"

I leaned back awkwardly to look into his eyes, to see if his thoughts would be projected through them.

I couldn't read them.

I wasn't sure exactly how I felt about this little tid-bit of information. Or, more accurately, the lack of information I was getting off of him suddenly.

He carefully sat himself and me up in the bed, so our torsos would be leaning against the padded headboard together. This way, we could see each other more easily. That made me feel a tiny bit better.

His brows knit together infinitesimally. "Does this question, and its answer… Have some bearing on why you were so upset when I got home love?"

"Yes." I stated simply.

"Hmmmm." His eyes grew almost cloudy and he opened his mouth, but nothing came out before he closed it again. He looked at me quickly, looking away just as fast. "Yeahhh, I remember that day…" He looked really confused.

"Edward, you seemed really melancholy after they had left. Why?"

"I… I honestly don't remember feeling that way, Bella." He smiled slightly but it didn't reach his eyes. "You're going to have to give me more to go on here, sweetheart. I honestly have no idea what…"

As he wound down with his response I took a very, very deep breath and allowed it to escape very slowly, which forced him to pause.

He looked into my eyes deeply and nodded almost imperceptibly, waiting anxiously for my next words.

"_Do not answer my next question right away._ It's actually a question I'm posing for _both_ of us. Please keep your answer to yourself for a just a few moments. After I've asked the question, I will give you _my_ answer to it. Then… Then I'll want to know your thoughts about the question itself and my response. Can you do that for me?" I kissed his chin softly. "This is very important, o.k.?"

He nodded solemnly. "Of course my love."

I tried to gaze into his soul through his eyes, hoping I was not about to cause any irreparable damage to our relationship. Taking another deep breath, I went ahead with my strange inquiry.

"Do we still want to adopt children?" I chickened out and looked away from his face. "I do not." I heard his breath quicken and he involuntarily squeezed my body with the arms he still had wrapped around me. "At least not for the foreseeable future."

I closed my eyes, awaiting his… Judgment? Pronouncement? Anger? Worst of all, his possible disappointment. I simply couldn't watch those things flit across his face.

His arms began to unwind from around my body and my eyelids, of their own accord, pressed together tightly. I felt my body tighten as if waiting for a blow.

Then I felt his gentle and wonderful hands softly wrap around my jaw and neck, as he brought my face to his for a sweet, tender kiss.

"Bella…" I felt him drop his forehead down lightly to mine. "Please look at me."

I was afraid but knew I needed his answer. I also knew the only way I was going to get it was by looking into his eyes.

So I did.

He was smiling at me, with so much love in his gaze that I was momentarily bewildered.

Then I finally heard the answer to the most dreaded question I'd ever asked him.

"My beautiful, attentive and compassionate wife. I remember now what you were referring to about Alice and Jasper's departure." He gave a slight chuckle. "I was not feeling melancholy." He paused, not for dramatic effect but to make sure I would hear his next words.

"I was feeling _guilty_."

I stared at him in confusion. He chuckled at my expression and bent his head to bring our faces together as close as he could, rubbing my nose with his own Eskimo style.

"I am a selfish, self-possessed, pompous man, Bella. _I want you all to myself._" He sighed loudly and bent his face back away from mine looking almost haughty, with one eyebrow cocked at me.

"I realized right then, at that specific moment in the airport with Jasper and Alice…" He closed his eyes as he shook his head slightly. "I knew that I would never want to share you with _anyone_ else, and I felt particularly bad about that. _Especially_ in light of what Alice and Jasper were about to do."

I felt a great sense of relief wash over me. It must have been very obvious to him because he suddenly laughed rather loudly at me.

He continued to chuckle while his eyes roamed over my face. "I didn't want to tell you how I felt because I was convinced that you were ready to take that step and I wasn't."

He wrapped his hands around my waist, sliding them around my hips and, grabbing my rear-end firmly in his grasp, he pulled me into his lap so I was straddling his thighs. He then tilted his head to the side as he reached up and tangled his fingers into the hair at the back of my head.

My arms automatically went around his shoulders and my breathing suddenly became slightly labored. He brought me as close to his body as he could manage, closing his eyes and brushing his lips along mine on the way to my earlobe. His warm breath tickled against the shell of my ear. "I'm apparently a coward, because I couldn't just man-up and ask you what you so bravely just asked me."

I couldn't help myself. A relieved sigh escape me. "Oh Edward… I feel pretty ridiculous right now. I was so scared that I might hurt you by telling you how I was really feeling…"

He whispered in my ear. "Never, my wife. You must always be honest with me. The only thing you could ever say that would irreparably hurt me would be that you were no longer in love with me." He dragged his lips back along my cheek, stopping at my mouth and whispering against my lips with his next words. "Losing your love is the only thing in this world that could ever truly hurt me." His eyes were now open and boring straight through me to my soul.

We each deepened the kiss at the exact same time and it was explosive. It was fire and ice, day and night… All happening at once.

I think I saw stars.

"I love you Edward… Forever." I told him breathlessly before I went back to attacking his lips.

His response was given with a slight growl. "I love you Bella. Until the end of time."

His tongue invaded my mouth deliciously as he held my face firmly with the palms of his hands, caressing my ears with the tips of his fingers. A small moan escaped me as I pressed my chest tightly against his, while simultaneously raking my fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

I whimpered as he tilted his head in a slightly different direction to gain better access to my mouth and at the same time, I gave an involuntary tug on his hair that my fingers were still wrapped around. We both gasped.

He hastily removed me from his lap, uncurling my legs and placing me onto my back as he rolled to hover over me with his own body, stretched out to his full length. Our legs became entangled but I still had a firm hold of the silky hair at the back of his neck. He was holding himself up on his elbows but he still had most of his body touching mine in some way.

I felt his legs flex and as he pressed my body more fully into our mattress, I cried out. "Edward… _Please_…"

I have no idea what I was begging him for exactly. I just wanted more. More love, more closeness, more friction, more of the firmness of his body against mine, more of everything he could possibly give me.

With our lips still locked together, we stood up on our knees at the same time. He broke our kiss to swiftly remove my t-shirt from my torso and began working on removing my panties. I frantically dragged his own shirt over his head and kissed every part of his chest I could reach as I did so. As I arrived at the waistband of his boxers, he leaned back from me, suddenly stepped off our bed and removed them from his body, throwing them behind him as he almost dove back onto the bed towards me. We hastily pressed our chests together, arms and hands wrapped around each other in a tight embrace.

The volume of our heavy breaths became almost embarrassing.

I began to pant and Edward pulled his head away from me carefully, as he ran his fingers slowly up and down my back. "Breathe, my love." He gently kissed my forehead and my eyelids as my breathing went from labored to relaxed. He quietly chuckled. "My, someone's anxious…"

I felt my eyes narrow and I pouted at him. "I'm not the only one, mister."

"No. No you're not." One of his eyebrows was now raised in amusement. "Well, we certainly can't say we're not… _Passionate_ about each other, now can we?"

I gave him a smirk in return. "No." I leaned my body away from his as I suddenly glared up at him. "Now, can we get back to business, _Mr._ Cullen?"

The smile that broke across his face was magical in its brightness. "Oh, most definitely, _Mrs._ Cullen."

Well…

That wasn't _exactly_ what I had planned on happening when I started my day but ohhhh… How wonderful it was. How wonderful Edward was and how wonderful we were together.

Just like always.

Forgive me for sighing loudly and happily.

I was surprised by his admission about his feelings regarding children. But I can't say I was sorry, obviously. We were on the same page, together, as always…

Always. I'd written that down a lot lately.

I smiled and thanked my lucky stars, fate, and God for being found by Gracie and her master.

Being eternally happy is much better than surviving, which is all I was really doing when I left my home in America to make a new one across the ocean so blue. Eternal happiness was something I hadn't even remotely believed existed.

Until I found it with Edward.

And I had him to thank for knowing and accepting that fact.

For always and forever.

~~:::~~

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Reviews are like being married to your soul mate. … Nope. Can't really say that with a straight face. However, you sure would put a smile on mine by sending me your thoughts on this story! ;)_**


	24. To The Future

**_A/N: Holy Crap Batman. I HATE computer probs. They suck. Anyhoo, here's the last Chap. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing._**

**_See you on the next go round (see my A/N on the bottom for more info regarding that)!_**

* * *

><p><em>Just over one year later…<em>

_My wife is a treasure._ I thought to myself as I stared down upon her supine body next to mine. I very lightly, almost as light as a feather, trace up her arm at the crook of her elbow to her shoulder, along her collarbone and then up and around to her chestnut locks with the tip of my index finger, tenderly placing some of her glorious hair behind one of her ears.

I never seem to quite be able to get enough of her. After almost seven years of marriage, it was just as true now as it had been on our honeymoon.

She is simply exquisite.

And forever mine.

My life was nothing but gray and misty before Gracie brought her into it. Now it is vibrant, alive and I can see my future clearly. All thanks to a loyal canine.

_Ahhh… Gracie._ I shake my head at myself. How could I ever repay my lovely animal's gift to me? I cannot.

Especially now.

My smile falters and my hand drops from my wife's body to rest next to her on the mattress. As I roll over to lay on my back, I move my arms behind my head, propping it up slightly.

My wife is asleep right now, in the middle of the afternoon, because we had just come back from burying our beloved pet and companion.

It was an extremely emotional day for both of us.

My Bella is a tender and compassionate being. She was deeply saddened by Gracie's passing. However, it wasn't exactly a _complete_ shock to us. After all, Gracie was almost nine years old at the time of her passing—a long and happy life for a dog her size.

But still… A shock.

I glance over at Bella once more, raking my eyes over her features.

Her hair is just as deeply brown and silky as ever. Even with a few tiny lines, smile lines I believe they're called, around her eyes and mouth, she is so very beautiful. Her skin is still the color of alabaster, no matter how many times we've spent our holiday in the south of France, along the shores of Italy, or even Greece.

She appears to be so delicate, as if a stiff wind might knock her over. But this is simply not so. She is still tiny but so strong, working out several times a week in our home gym and taking yoga classes at the Village Hall. Her energy level is steady and vast, as she volunteers for several different causes with the Village Parish Council and helps my mother twice a month at the Museum and my sister and friends with their children almost whenever they call on her to do so.

Her beliefs and convictions are very strong and deep. She still writes occasionally for several different magazines, newspapers, and a few other publications, which cover subjects as far ranging as classical music to women's cultural issues.

My favorite physical attribute? I would have to say her eyes… They still captivate me with their Kona coffee color and depth, always pulling me in profoundly and powerfully.

…Just as they are right now.

"Hey there, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" I turn back on my side to face her, propping my head up with one hand and lightly running the fingers of my other along her cheek. She sighs, leans into my hand and rolls her body towards mine.

"I suppose I'm a little bit better. I guess I needed a nap, huh?" She closes her eyes once more, breaking our soul-to-soul contact unconsciously as she stretches her body out next to mine.

She stifles a yawn as she continues. "How are you doing Edward?" She reaches out tentatively for my own face with her fingers.

We're now both staring deeply into the other's eyes, both caressing our beloved's face and trying not to worry about the other.

Something we have always failed at.

We simply love each other immensely. We can't help but be concerned about each other. Especially after a day like today.

"I'm just o.k. Understandable, I suppose, under the circumstances…"

She nods her head in agreement with my assessment.

She leans completely forward, moving her hand to the back of my neck as she does so. As she rests her lips against my ear, I can't help but take a deep breath, taking in her luscious scent. As I begin to almost subconsciously nuzzle into the side of her neck, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tightly to my own body, I feel and hear her speak softly to me.

"Edward… I love you so much. But…"

I feel her tears along my jaw. "I know, my love. I miss her too."

We can't help but cling to each other in our shared grief. Gracie was just so much of an integral part of our lives, that to realize suddenly that she no longer will be… It's disconcerting.

The small burial that we held and shared with our family and close friends will help to heal the wound. They all expressed their feelings of loss and understanding, as we did to each other that sad afternoon alone at home together. But we knew that Gracie had a happy life with us, and that we had taken the best care of her that we could.

We had loved her and had her to thank for our current ability to comfort each other.

It was, after all, solely due to her that Bella and I had found each other in the first place. Gracie knew right away that we were soul mates. With a lot of help from Gracie, and a little bit of help from my sister, we had found each other.

So, Gracie would forever hold a place of honor within our hearts.

Of course, we weren't exactly sure as yet how things would be for us, with her no longer being a part of our daily lives. But we knew that with time, we would begin to move forward yet again.

Time, apparently, really does attempt to heal all wounds.

Several months later, we found ourselves planning for one of my last piano solos at a charity event in Prague, to benefit the orphanage that Alice and Jasper had adopted Elizabeth from.

I say it was to be my last because we'd jointly decided that it was time for me to gain practical employment as a Professor. I would therefore be teaching Advanced Studies in Music Theory at the local prep college the very next semester.

With my almost daily runs around their track, I'd had the opportunity to get to know several different members of their staff over the years. One in particular happened to be the director of their music department. It had been a no-brainer for me to approach him about a position after Bella and I had made the decision.

I wanted to give back to the community that had given us both so much. Hence why I picked the local college rather than a distant university, with its higher salary. We were of course financially well off, so the income was not high on our list of deciding factors.

Strangely, with Bella's fascination with my music career so diametrically contrasting to how Kate had felt about it, I had become less and less interested in it. I had no patience any longer for all the traveling required for all those months of touring, and in not having a sense of home.

I think it was really because I was only interested in my Bella.

She was my home now.

The change my career was taking would allow us to actually spend more quality time together. We'd be able to travel strictly for the fun of it, instead of it being for 'work.' The truly cool thing about my new job would be that I'd have summers off and, if we really wanted to be adventurous, I could take a semester or two off as well.

But before all that could transpire, we would be taking this one, last tour together.

Deciding on the venue was easy after watching Elizabeth struggle to adjust to her new life with Alice and Jasper. Even though she was so young, it had still been difficult for her to feel comfortable at first. We knew that the orphanage she had been at was one of the best run in the country, but it still struggled with basic necessities for the children at times.

With Alice's help, it was almost too easy to set up a charity concert to benefit the institution that had given my family so much peace and love through Elizabeth coming into it.

We would be spending a week in Prague, with me playing two nights as a guest artist with the Czech National Symphony Orchestra at the world famous Municipal House, in the magnificent Smetana Hall. Forty percent of the proceeds from the two nights I would be playing would directly benefit the orphanage.

Alice and Jasper were ecstatic. Really the entire family, as well as Emmett and Rosalie, were excited about the event. Mum and dad were actually going to be coming over to see the second performance and spend some time with Bella and me sightseeing.

Alice had not so subtlety reminded me that I would celebrate my 41st birthday on this trip. She was sad that we would miss Elizabeth's birthday party and that she wouldn't be able to throw an extravagant affair for me.

Sometimes I wondered if Alice thought it was strange that Bella and I were so involved in Elizabeth's and even Alvin's and Arthur's lives. If she thought we should just adopt our own children instead…

I remembered back to when Bella and I had spoken last about adoption. I had not yet turned 40, and we had engaged in a very serious discussion regarding the subject indeed.

Now, a week before our trip, Bella had broached the subject once more.

"I know we've talked about this soooo in depth in the past, Edward… But I just want to make sure you've really thought about all the ramifications of us _not_ having children together."

Bella's looking at me very seriously, with her small hands resting on her hips and her bottom lip trapped between her teeth nervously.

I'm fairly certain that she has not in fact changed her own mind about adoption. I know her inside and out. I knew that her current concern was all about me. She was worrying that spending time at the orphanage would turn on some long dormant 'fatherly instinct' in me. I tried not to sigh too loudly.

She moves her hands and arms to cross over each other in front of her body, as if she's shielding it from me, and continues. "I just think there are things you might not have considered…"

I begin to slowly walk towards her. I feel as if I need to be very careful with her; that if I move too quickly, she'll bolt like a gazelle. "Honey," I start, using my best calming voice and raising my hands in front of myself slightly. "I've made up my mind about this. I'm perfectly content and happy to have my life filled only with you, for the rest of eternity."

As I reach her, I carefully wrap my hands around her waist and in response, she rests her own hands on my forearms.

As she looks up at me, I'm captivated by her deep, chocolate-y orbs and I smile crookedly at her.

In response, a smile of her own slowly begins to spread across her face. She closes her eyes briefly and sighs deeply. When she reopens them, however, I can still see some concern lodged within them.

Before I can comment on it, she reaches up and brushes her fingers lightly across my left cheek. I am compelled, just as always, to tilt my head towards her hand, closing my own eyes.

"I love you, Edward. So, so much… But you are the last Cullen. The end of a long and proud lineage. We're still young… Let's just agree, for now, that the subject isn't completely closed, and we can revisit it in the future, o.k.? Please?"

I do not open my eyes. I simply nod in submission.

I don't agree. Not really.

I truly do not need to have children with her to feel fulfilled in our marriage. She already completes me in a way that I can't even find the words to describe. I know without a shred of doubt that children won't change those feelings.

But I cannot ignore the possibility that _she_ may change _her_ mind someday and want children. And I would give that to her. As best I could anyway, through adoption… For I would give her anything. _Anything_ her heart desired.

I think she knows that I am, in a way, only placating her… I reopen my eyes to see hers crinkled around the edges and her smile has morphed into a tight grimace. I worry that she is about to attempt to convince me of the error of my opinion in this matter. So, before the situation can morph into an argument, which is a truly rare occurrence for us, I quickly move to kiss her sweet lips fiercely.

My actions are not simply about ending a fight between us before it can fully begin. I truly can't help myself…

_I would do anything for her._ This single thought makes me feel extremely protective of her. It also makes me feel powerful, even masterful, as if I need to mark her in some way to show the world, and even her, that she is mine.

As I continue to kiss her deeply, my arms have automatically wound around her body and I'm pulling her's tightly to me. I'm now almost crushing her against my torso with all the passion that I feel coursing through my body.

She has responded to me rather rapidly. Her hands are now wrapped around my neck and she's forcefully tugging on the hair at the back of my head. I gasp and readjust so I can sink my tongue into her luscious mouth.

It's now her turn to gasp.

She tries to hitch one of her legs around my thigh, wrapping herself around me, and I can't help but buck my hips against her.

We both moan and come undone even further. We're both almost frantic with need by this point and luckily, we'd been having our conversation in the living room. It will only take three steps to arrive at our couch, which I think I can just about manage before I ravage her.

We haven't been this rash and even downright frantic in a quite a while.

I'm enjoying it immensely.

We have somehow managed to find ourselves on the couch without falling, as enfolded as we are. As I impatiently press her into the couch, we break apart just slightly to each pull ragged breaths in.

I am holding the lower half of my body tightly to hers but I'm also holding my chest up with my arms slightly bent at the elbows. She's moved her hands to the tops of my arms and is gripping me so hard it almost hurts. She moves to my shoulders and begins making circuits around my shoulder blades with the tips of her fingers.

It feels exquisite.

When she moves her hands under my arms and uses her fingernails to rake down my back at either side of my spine, I feel my eyes roll back in my head.

"Oh God… Bella…" I drop my body to cover hers almost completely, only leaving a bare minimum of space between us so I don't crush her. She adjust her thighs and legs to accommodate me.

As she moans once more and moves her fingernails back up the path she had burned across my skin only a few moments ago, I am ravishing the area of her neck right above her clavicle bone. My hands are massaging and squeezing wherever they can get purchase on her body.

"Edward…" She calls my name out in frustrated desire.

I slow things down a bit by licking languidly from my current spot up to the base of her jaw. She is simply too delicious for her own good.

"Bella… You are the most amazing, beautiful and tantalizing woman I have ever known." I breathe against her neck hotly, shifting my body so she can more fully feel my extreme want for her. "But do you know what the most amazing thing about you is?"

She whimpers in response and that's enough for me to continue.

"You… Are… My wife. My eternal mate. My other half. My _better_ half." I run the tip of my tongue up the edge of her jaw until I reach the shell of her ear, where I blow gently and then nibble her earlobe before continuing. I turn my face slightly, so my lips barely touch her now overly sensitive and fiery skin.

"You are MINE." I whisper against her temple.

Somehow we managed to get all of our clothes off without losing the connection between us, by touching each other in some way. An entire hour passes before we finally drag ourselves upstairs to our bedroom.

Tangled together in our sheets, we end up discussing the adoption issue a little bit more. I tried to get her to understand that it would not make or break me to have children. She helped me to understand that things could change in the future to make me reconsider, and that she was only asking me to be open to the possibility.

We of course spent even more time making love together. My wife was apparently feeling just as passionate as I was. She actually showed me exactly just _how much_ she felt she was mine.

Completely.

As I am completely hers.

She owns me, heart and soul. Then and, just as much, if not more, now.

~~:::~~

I don't know if we will ever have any children.

I don't know if we will receive the blessing of a long life together.

I can't know everything that our futures have in store for us.

But I _do_ know that I am oh so grateful for her decision to cross over the ocean, to move forward with her own life on her own terms, to have found me, to have branded me with her love and devotion… To have allowed me to love her with all of my being.

And I know that my love for her is a permanent thing, growing and expanding with time and experience.

For always and forever.

THE END

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Whew! Hope ya'all enjoyed the ride! Please let me know what you thought via a review. Thanks so much for reading! FYI: My next story is complete but needs a little bit of tweeking before I begin posting it-it's a little more angst-filled than this one was... I've got James but really not much of Jacob, and of course there's lots of BxE. See my profile for more info. )_**

**_Remember: There are photos associated with most of the Chaps for this story. See my profile for the web address. :)_**


End file.
